AIBU for telling my MIL she can't go on a holiday?

[0MammaBear0]

I'm expecting my 3rd baby on late September, my other 2 children are aged 3 and 1.5 and I'm planning a homebirth. My MIL very kindly volunteered to take the children when I go into labour.

This morning she sent me a text asking if it would be okay for her to go on a holiday on mid September, and while my due date is for late September it wouldn't be unlikely that my baby could be born at 38 weeks. I told her I would rather if she didn't and I asked her if she could go on early September instead, which she said she can't.

I must add my previous 2 births were very quick, my first one was 8h and my second one was under 1h (!), and a woman who has had a very quick birth (under 3h) before is more likely for that to happen again. My husband works in the city and both him and the midwives would take 1h or so to get to me, while my MIL can get to me in half that time. Without her not only I wouldn't have anyone to take my children but also if my labour went as fast as my previous one while my husband is working I could be left all alone with 2 very small children. I don't have anyone else to rely on than her as my family are living in a different country. AIBU?

I'm not sure why you're posting about your MIL in AIBU, OP.

She asked if it was OK for her to go away, you said you'd rather she didn't, she said that was fine. What's the issue? It sounds like you have a good relationship.

Has somebody else suggested YABU?

I do agree with others that you need extra backup. Are there any neighbours or friends close by who you could call as additional support when you go into labour?

Was she your midwife?

You cant expect people to put their whole life on hold just because you might have the baby early. Your DH will just have to step up.

What's her reason for wanting those partucular dates?

Depending on the reason I might be inclined to say yes & make other arrangements.

As you say a friend/neighbour might take the kids until your husband can get to them.

It's the sort of situation people are willing to help in.

Anyway, agree with PP. all you can do is get DH to cover the time MIL has flaked on.

Has MIL "flaked"?

I thought that she had asked & Op has said no.

So, what's your AIBU? I don't see a problem unless I've missed something.

So, what's your AIBU? I don't see a problem unless I've missed something.

Presumambly Op is asking if swbu to say no to her MIL's request to go away.

If your birth is likely to he that quick and you anticipate the midwife only being an hour or so away, can you not just stick the tablet or telly on on and throw snacks at the kids until the midwife arrives? It's only a few episodes of Peppa, Bluey and Duggee.

That is not going to work for a 3 year old

Her kids are 3 and 1.5 😵‍💫

And if there is an emergency and the midwife needs to transfer to hospital who looks after the kids? Anyone planning a homebirth needs an emergency plan even if it’s a trusted neighbour

Who is saying you might be though?

Right. But I thought she'd already told her it was ok?.

Also an ambulance is going to take ages anyway

Yeah. Is it you second guessing yourself OP?

Sorry, just me getting confused by the story! As you were!

I don't get what the relevance of how quickly your children were born is? Surely it's more relevant how early/late they were?
I think she's been very thoughtful to ask, and your reply was reasonable. She has given you plenty of time to organise an alternative though. If you held this against her that would be unreasonable.

Feel sorry for the MIL me. Someone controlling their life for a month because her son decided to have unprotected sex and can't be bothered to step up.

There's something that doesn't sit right with me about your H using all his holiday entitlement as you and he please, leaving nothing left for the birth, then expecting your MiL to lose her holiday. However that was the plan she agreed to, and was after all only asking if it was OK, not announcing her intention to renege. Sounds like if you tell her no she won't go.

Totally unreasonable here OP

It'd be inconvenient for MIL to but clearly she is aware of dates and wants to go during this time.

Sorry, you need to figure out other plans. Think about what people in a similar scenario do with NO nearby family.

I think your DH needs to step up.

On your other thread you say your husband wfh sometimes and his office is in your bedroom. Has he changed jobs?

Are you expecting MIL to just leave work when you call?

Surely you can't even guarantee a home birth though? What if the midwives are busy elsewhere? My sister had a home birth planned but when she went into labour they said she might have to go in after all as both midwife teams were out.

Which- second point- was moot in the end as her waters broke over 25 hours before she even had contractions so she had to go in anyway because of the infection risk. My point being, you can't guarantee that this birth will be the same as your last two, there could be any number of reasons you have to go in, so you really need a contingency plan that isn't just relying on one person.

That's very dramatic