AIBU for telling my MIL she can't go on a holiday?

[0MammaBear0]

I'm expecting my 3rd baby on late September, my other 2 children are aged 3 and 1.5 and I'm planning a homebirth. My MIL very kindly volunteered to take the children when I go into labour.

This morning she sent me a text asking if it would be okay for her to go on a holiday on mid September, and while my due date is for late September it wouldn't be unlikely that my baby could be born at 38 weeks. I told her I would rather if she didn't and I asked her if she could go on early September instead, which she said she can't.

I must add my previous 2 births were very quick, my first one was 8h and my second one was under 1h (!), and a woman who has had a very quick birth (under 3h) before is more likely for that to happen again. My husband works in the city and both him and the midwives would take 1h or so to get to me, while my MIL can get to me in half that time. Without her not only I wouldn't have anyone to take my children but also if my labour went as fast as my previous one while my husband is working I could be left all alone with 2 very small children. I don't have anyone else to rely on than her as my family are living in a different country. AIBU?

Not paternity leave. Family leave.

If your DH works in the city can you not afford a temporary nanny to cover that period?

Do you realise not everyone can WFH?

Is it an old wives tale that if your home with children you're more likely to deliver at night? Like a protective instinct.

I'm a SAHM and my husband's income is everything we get to sustain our family, which is enough but we don't have the money for that. Specially not with the sudden increase in costs of living and inflation

I would talk to friends, neighbours etc. I certainly would help out a neighbour to take their children for a few hours.

Even with your MIL offer of help this is just such a badly thought out arrangment. She might not always be just 30 minutes away, and even if she happens to be close when you go into labour she might not get to you in time. Your need another plan here, as even without the holiday it's unfair to rely so much on your MIL.

But you chose to have a third child, so clearly there js some money.

So you must be planning a home birth anyway then, surely?

My MIL lives very close to where she works, so no. Usually she's either working, at home or out locally, like the vast majority of not upper class super rich people? I don't know who goes very far away on an everyday basis for lucrative purposes.

He can take emergency parental leave. Nobody will ask too many questions. Or annual leave, or bloody sick leave.

Basically, DH has to step up here.

Are you actively planning for a home birth? Can you speak to your midwife and tell them it will be a home birth and they'll be out to you as soon as you call, given your speedy birth.

What an odd comment. it has nothing to do with being upper super class rich. She may live and work close by but that doesn't mean she would be able to get to you in time.

Your plan seems quite risk given how worried you are. Whether your MIL goes on holiday or not you need a contingency plan for if she cannot get to you in time. I agree with PP you need to speak to your friends and neighbours and explain you have a plan in place but there is a possibility you may need their help.

When I was a child the whole neighbourhood knew that X at number Y delivered quickly and may need some help, everyone was on standby just in case.

Yes but he could have taken unpaid parental leave

But given your precipitate labour risk, what makes you think your MIL will get to you in time even if she is at home?

Best case scenario is that you immediately realise you are in labour and call and she answers. She quickly grabs her bag and perhaps goes to the loo or packs a few things, then gets in the car and there are no traffic hold ups. That’s 35-40 mins, at best. You’d likely have given birth in that time and that’s the very best case scenario. You really need a proper home birth plan and childcare in place for it.

Unpaid parental leave?

The OP will need a husband a lot more once the baby is here than for him to hang around and waste time off just in case!

It's annoying, but time to plan a back-up. Either friends who could take the kids just for 1 hour until your husband makes it home, or you all go in the same taxi (not ideal) and your husband goes straight to hospital.

Oh for goodness’ sake. Do you think everyone who has children can therefore “clearly” afford expensive childcare? Or perhaps you think nobody except the wealthy should be having babies. You are either very privileged and blinkered or you are being silly and trying to play Devil’s advocate.

She asked you if it was ok and you said no. Has she actually reneged on looking after the children?

True.

I do think op is unreasonable. Home birth is needed in this case.

while they only have only his salary to live on? OP is not likely to be at work around labour

He gets 18 weeks’ leave for each child up to their 18th birthday.

Four weeks for each child per year and must be taken in whole weeks unless child is disabled.

So if he applies now he can get the week off if it fits with business need.

You cannot advise a home birth for a woman 30mn from the nearest hospital when you know NOTHING about her medical state!

Don't you have any friends OP? I had my 3rd baby at home and I rang a friend when I went into labour and she came over (with her kids) and looked after my 2 downstairs while I got on with business in the bedroom with my midwife