This is my first time posting, so will try and be concise, but apologies in advance, but could do with other opinions.
This happened last Sunday. We generally visit my husbands grans on a Sunday for a few hours, most Sundays so kids can see her, and his mum, her partner and his sister commonly appear during the day, and depending on work commitments his uncle, aunt and cousins may stop by.
His mum and partner do collection for ironing lady on a Sunday afternoon, and they use her partner's van as the run can be quite large.
So past Sunday, they go out, van won't start, I go out expecting it to be battery, it's not even turning. (Turns out it was starter motor.)
Her partner contacts RAC, hubby asks if he alright to run his mum home to pick up a car to start the run. I say yeah. (He is only named driver on the insurance, and we have both interpreted that he needs permission to use said car.)
What should have been maybe 25 minutes/half hour turns into and hour and half. Txt him, no response, ring him - he's helped his mum with the first few collections in our car, she asked. A few collections being enough to fill the back of our estate and the back seat.
This is where the issue starts, our insurance is SD&P only. I did rip him for not letting me know what was going on. I am an anxious person, coupled with he only got his license back February just gone ( he lost it driving with no insurance 10 years ago, stupid teenage stunt, he admits so please don't slate him). The entire family know we don't have business insurance, so in my opinion she shouldn't have even asked, considering she won't risk her own car and license (they have 2 cars - one with business and one without). He didn't realise that had he been pulled over using the car for business without appropriate insurance the car would have been impounded (expect it would have cost at least £400-£500 to get back - we really don't have anywhere near that sort of money spare), fines, court and because he had previous the possibility of loosing his license again, as he wasn't officially insured, similarly had there been an accident. There would have been no offer of assistance as 'it's not their problem' as she has said in the past.
Fast forward to the late afternoon/evening, we had words, I went out to cool off as I was still livid. When I got home, I sent his mum a message on WhatsApp. I wasn't rude, but I was direct and it's obvious that I am pissed. I have since been told, that because I sent a message I have caused a rift in the family, I am over reacting, 'the likelihood of being pulled over is very low' (to me not the point), and should learn more 'tact' (without recognising that I have been biting my tongue for weeks as she runs down 'council' estates and the people that come off them, knowing full well that I grew up on council estate), and because I can say no to use of the car I am manipulative (this coming from his gran). I maintain that the rift was caused when his mum risked hubby license and our insurance, he admits had he known the implications he wouldn't have done it, but is owning his part. He is nieve with regards to insurance, I have dealt with car insurance for about 12 years, as well as pet insurance etc, so probably didn't go through his head. I have taken it that her behaviour is unacceptable, but I have to deal with it and shouldn't say anything, but when I call her out, she gets pissed at me, and instead of telling her her behaviour wasn't acceptable, her mother (his gran) is coddling her. When I met my husband, his mother made a big deal out of him driving without insurance, and now it's acceptable if it benefits her. In my opinion NO.
We have solved any concerns over manipulation, he has standing permission to use the car within the confines of the insurance, and if he is unsure to ask.
YABU - just let it go, he didn't get caught and it is your fault
YANBU - shouldn't have taken that risk with someone else's car/insurance/license, you are within your right to be pissed, and it isn't your fault