To be embarrassed by MIL behaviour at cafe?

[Amethyst13]

My mum came up to visit from down South last weekend, and we don't often see her as she doesn't drive and we wanted to take her out for lunch on Saturday. We went to a pretty local village that my mum likes to visit with my DH and MIL. There is plenty of parking in the village for a couple of pounds for the day, but my MIL was huffing and puffing about how she hates to pay to park and insisted she knew a better spot where we could park for free. I found this very irritating but my DH listened to her (he was driving) and we ended up parking about a km outside the village and had to tramp across a field and down a country road to get there.

My mum is in her 70s and has some mobility issues due to arthritis so I knew this wasn't ideal for her, but she didn't want to make a fuss and just went along with it. I was very annoyed with DH and MIL at this point for making such a big deal over saving two quid but my objections were brushed off.

After wandering the shops and galleries for a bit we stopped at a nice cafe for an afternoon tea and had very attentive table service from a lovely young lady.

My DH paid for the meal and when we were preparing to leave we left a few pounds on the table as a tip. My MIL was aghast at this and started flapping loudly about how she never tips at a cafe and that we were tipping too much, carrying on about it. I'm sure the server and other diners heard her. My mum was clearly very embarrassed by all this. DH is used to this tight behaviour from his mum so he just ignored her, but I shut it down and explained we had good service and I wanted to leave a tip.

We began our trudge back to the car and as we reached the car my MIL sidled up to my DH and proudly handed him back the £4 tip that she had actually swiped off the table! I couldn't bloody believe it. My mum was mortified, DH annoyed and I was seething. I'm still absolutely furious. Her stinginess is so annoying, it's like her main personality trait. She's proud of it and never misses an opportunity to moan about the price of something.

AIBU to absolutely refuse to go out to eat with MIL ever again?

Yeah driven there and parked paying for parking and dropped the tip off. Behaviour like this makes my piss boil.

I really don’t understand this, I would have said fine you guys walk from here I’m taking the car. I would have also taken the tip money back and pointed out it wasn’t her paying for parking or the tip. How do you even get to this point. Surely your DH knows your mother has arthritis and isn’t that mobile, he can’t be that ignorant he would think it’s ok to randomly park somewhere without knowing the exact distance even if he is use to his mothers tightness. And for you not to just say don’t be bloody tight it’s £2 and I will pay.

I hope you blasted your DH for your DM being in pain because of his ridiculous tightness and inability to ignore his mother.

Are you going to speak to your MiL?

I would of had my husband drop myself and my mum off at the cafe and let them both walk! That’s very unfair to your poor mother and I would of said so at the time!
i would also been more direct to her and make her feel like an idiot and tight arse after taking the top money; awful behaviour. Your husband should of said something more.
I would not go out with her again and if you have to which is hope you don’t say something at the time to her face.

Seems a shame MIL was invited at all if your mum is rarely down, it would’ve been nice to have a meal with just her and DH & a little wander round.
I 100% wouldn’t invite MIL again and I’d tell DH exactly why.
I wouldn’t have tolerated any of this behaviour from her, I’d have told DH to drop me and mum off in the village and sent them back to get the car at the end of the day. I would’ve told her she was out of order stealing from the waitress and returned the tip on the way home. What a horrible

To be honest if my mum came to visit from a distance I wouldn’t have invited a local other relative at all unless they were related too.

Oh I hear you, but I think you can't nót go out with your MIL without causing dispute with your husband. I would not give in ever again on where to leave the car, that's for sure. And I would never ever take her again of you have any other company. Enjoy nice days out with your mother, friends, neighbours, but don't invite MIL to join you.

@Amethyst13 NRTFT I'd tell the MIL that she can't afford my society any more as you refuse to scrimp and save. As a previous poster said, I'd also have returned the tip. As one of the waiting staff, I'd have been disappointed especially as she'd gone on about the generous tip, when it wasn't there on clearing up.

If that had of been me, I wouldn't have been walking back to the car- I would have found a bench in the village and sat with my mum - taking in the sun, asking OH to bring the car to us. There really was no need for you all to trudge anywhere - likewise on the way though they could have dropped you off. I'd have pre-agreed this with my OH.

I'm not sure how I would have handled the tip money - but next time i'd usher MIL out of the shop - whilst nipping to the loo - and dropping the tip out of her sight.

Sometimes you have to 'find a way round' - as she is no doubt old and set in her ways. The line of 'least rows' is the wy I'd always go.

I would have gone back to cafe with the money. She had no right to steal the waitresses tip.
I wouldn’t invite her again. She spoiled your day.
If dh wants to go out with her so be it.

I'd be absolutely ashamed if I'd treated my mum like that, no matter what she'd said to be polite. There are times when you have to put your foot down - and this was one of them. I also don't think much of your DH for not insisting, perhaps you ought to make her disabilities clear to him.

MIL taking the money off the table is stealing.

You need to go back to the cafe ,when on your own ,and apologise and give them the tip back. It was absolutely outrageous behaviour from your mil.

Wow, your MIL is awful.

I would not eat out with her ever again.

Nope, I'm not taking the blame for mum walking. Not buying it. My mother can use her words. If she didn't want to walk she should have said so like a big girl. She said she'd was fine to walk and I'm not prepared to tell her she's an elderly cripple who doesn't get to make her own decisions. Because I respect her autonomy as an adult.

I also have a tight MIL. I’ve booked a table for 10 at a restaurant, my mil has obviously looked at the website and phoned to tell me that for bookings over 6 there will be a 10% discretionary service charge added to the bill. But I’m not to worry, as she is going to challenge them on this. So now I’m worried.

She took your tip? That's theft.

But you had objected and you said your dh and mil “dismissed” your objections.

she probably witnessed that and thought “I better keep my mouth shut and conserve my energy”

There comes a point OP where you have to be, discretely, the adult in a relationship with a parent. This was it.

She wasn’t paying for parking nor the meal yet you let her behave this way! Wow you need to stick up for yourself in future!

but my objections were brushed off.

shame your dh and mil don’t respect you

and if they did this to you, why do you think they’d have listened to your
mother?

Perhaps she didn't feel comfortable saying anything as she saw your DH & MIL ignoring your objections?

To be fair they both sound very disrespectful.

Why are you continuing to harass this woman for two days straight? This behaviour is ugly.

You seem to be very fixated on this thread. I'm not going to be responding anymore on this thread or giving the blow by blow of the conversations we had on the day.

@Amethyst13 Good for you. It’s unhinged how many posts, even quoting the same posts multiple times to attack in new ways.