To ask how to get over inheritance resentment?

[catslovelife]

I know this is a very sticky subject on this board.

I really try and don't want to care, but all around me there are people who are inheriting large sums of money through inheritance, allowing them to live comfortably and do things that people who never inherit would never be able to do.

A lot of these people have inherited by default from aunts or uncles who don't have children, rather than through their parents. Sometimes from people they didn't even bother with when they were alive, so it seems crass they are profiting from their death.

I will likely never inherit a dime, and I have made my peace with that, it's only money at the end of the day and we can't take it with us. We will all end up in the morgue no matter how much is in our bank accounts. It is better to have your loved ones living than dead to give you an inheritance. But lots of my peers are relying on inheritance to fund their retirement / pay off their homes which puts a bit of panic in me as I will be funding this myself somehow. I sometimes think I would rather die before retirement as I don't think I'll be able to fund it.

I think inheritance creates a very unequal society as poor people will likely have nothing to leave, making the gap between rich and poor even wider.

Exactly. And the inheritance's effect is not felt only at the point of bereavement. People calibrate their life choices accordingly, taking out huge mortgages or expensive courses, if they know they will inherit.

I do know where you are coming from as I wont inherit anything and still have a large mortgage so will down size. What i get a bit cross at is people that brag ohh paid off mortgage or we like nice things when they have inherited and look down on others who dont have a lot of money. I know a couple of people like this but do know one who inherited a big house and never brags. One person totally shocked that I said we might move to a flat or 2 bedroom house, but she has had inheritance already and will probably get two more unless they go in to care. I will add here i have lost both my parents so i do know grief.

Exactly!

Well, increasing IHT will certainly act as a motivator to make financial plans for those who haven’t done so already.

Punitive measures backfire, and all that happens is the capital, which is mobile, moves, and there isn’t enough being attracted to make up for this loss.

I think lots of people would pay more tax for a more equal society. I would, and I’m not generally a higher rate tax payer. I’ve benefitted from the NHS, state education for my kids, and at a local government level from parks, libraries, bin colllections. Very happy to pay tax for them, would pay more to share social care costs, more social housing.

Goodness that’s very extreme and unusual, you’re surrounded by people inheriting large sums of money, enough to fund retirement, from aunts uncles and folks they hardly know. Wow.

I know someone who inherited over a million from an elderly woman who lived on her street. She did nothing more than pass the time of day with her as she walked by, but it was apparently more than anyone else in her life did, and she had no remaining family members.

This is why I never discuss money, especially inheritance with anyone else. No-one needs to know how much we have and from whom.

(Outside natural order aside) A lot of discussions around inheritance are generally rooted in an inability as a society to deal with life and death.

if I had money and my nieces and nephews were not close to me I would leave to charity personally.

Because you think charities never act like vultures?

I have a feeling a lot of posters would just love it if the conspiracy theories about the WEF/ Universal social credit system turn out to be true.
There will always be the haves and have-nots, even Cuba isn’t the socialist utopia it claims to be, where Doctors are paid the same as street sweepers.

If you think that taxing all inherited wealth at 90% will mean better Healthcare, better infrastructure, better anything really, I have some magic beans to sell you.
Labour would be just as bad as the Tories.

Honestly comparison is the thief of joys there will always be people who are prettier , more intelligent , wealthier than you. Seething about it changes nothing . I'd concentrate on improving your own personal set of circumstances in what ever way is important to you and not focus on the 'unfairness of life' . You're on a hiding to nothing

I believe it has been proposed to Richi Sunak as a policy to prove the Tories are the party of low taxes.

This

Thank you for saying this better than I could. The grief is the same regardless of whether you are lucky enough to inherit.

My husband and I both left school at 16, had no financial help from anyone, worked for many years, took risks, made sacrifices and have accumulated what most would consider substantial wealth. Isn’t that social mobility?
We enjoy a very comfortable early retirement. We have Already paid massive amounts of tax, when we die our estate will be subject to further massive taxes. It’s our money, we made it and want to leave it to our children. How can you justify taxing us even more?

@Lovepeaceunderstanding yup, and when you are taxed even more, where are the societal mechanisms to pass it on. Uni grants are gone. Social support, health care, the the safety net stuff to catch you if you fall out ladders to help you climb up have been dismantled. If the coffers swell from taxed inheritances that money will not appear to those at the bottom to help at all.

Try and remember “these” people have been through a bereavement and you have benefited from the death because they would have paid 40% tax on the amount which went into the public purse so yes you benefited too.

It’s natural to resent it a bit if those around you are getting lump sum’s through inheritance but it is what it is.
I haven’t seen your answer to the question what are you doing to improve your financial position?

Yes some people can work hard and improve their lot

But if you look across society as a whole the percentage of poor people who move up the wealth ranks is much lower now than in the 50s to 70's.

Because it's been made harder - no grammar / private school assistance for the bright kids, no university fees paid and well paying jobs more centralised in London which makes it hard for people from outside to get as they would need accommodation and can't look after family if they do move away - family who are more likely to need support if they are in the poorer regions of the uk

They aren't going to tax you even more. If you are dead the money will no longer be yours. They will be taxing the receiver who has neither earned it or paid tax on it yet.

My parents worked very hard to turn their lives around from rags to riches. They made sacrifices, wise financial plans and a little bit of risk taking that grew a successful business. In their later years, I left my career to move near them, and to care for my father for a few years before his death, helped out with the family business and then over ten years of care for my mother. When they died they decided who got their money, and rightfully so as they worked hard, paid taxes and lived productive lives providing jobs and services to others. I didn't change my financial behaviour because of the expectation of inheriting money. If I had inherited nothing, I would still be comparatively well-off from using the advice and skills handed down from them to acquire my own assets. I studied hard in my field, worked when I could and bought my first flat in my 20's (a complete dump that I renovated to make enough money to buy another). I learned some wise financial planning from them in my youth, and business skills. I would gladly give the inheritance back to have them both alive and well. However, it was their wish to give their kids the assets, and my children will now benefit from that as I am in no rush to spend it all, and would feel guilty wasting it. When I die, I will want to make sure my children are provided for. It is hard out there for young people with the cost of University, housing and cost of living being as it is. When I was young, first time ownership of property was do-able on one salary, and students got grants. Tax wasn't what it is now. If inheritance tax was changed, it would encourage people to gift to their families while alive, or not bother saving so much. Not everyone will inherit money, and money cannot buy happiness. However, it does give some security and stability to those fortunate enough to benefit. If you are looking for some target for your anger, how about the British Government? They are utterly disengaged with the needs of the population, especially after the pandemic, scandals, cost of living crisis etc.

Piffle. It’s the same money taxed all over, and let’s pretend children have nothing to do with their parents, yeah? Back in the real world, most people push themselves really hard and make sacrifices, so that their children don’t have to.

If IHT becomes a threat to me, I’ll make sure to transfer the money to my children way earlier, send the money abroad, and just work way, way less. Which will impact the current tax I’m paying.

People handing over huge inheritance to their children got it in most cases off the back of rising house prices, not their uniquely hard work

Rising house prices triggered by the great council house sell off, which now means the children of those who profited can buy homes and those that would need social housing get the absolute dregs of homes with the added benefit of paying rent to people who want to pay the mortgage on their property portfolios

It's a selfish individualistic society that benefits no one on the long run - pay as you go for health and education and private estates with private roads and private police if you have the money and eat the leftovers if you don't

No, house prices exploded when UK’s net migration started to be in the hundreds of thousands annually.

I believe there have often been murmurings about reforming IHT but not abolishing it.

Life isn't "fair". You could give a dozen people in similar circumstances an inheritance of several hundred thousand pounds and they would all deal with it differently: some would spend, spend, spend and end up not passing on a penny to anyone or any charity; others would invest it, quietly helping family and friends in need along the way; others would use what they needed and leave the remainder in inheritance to others. So many options - who is to say which is right and wrong? I'd rather live in this country and inherit nothing than, by accident of birth, be born in many other places in the world!

Out of interest, what's you're opinion of lottery winners who end up as (multi) millionaires - not through hard work and financial planning but through pure luck? Not a penny of that money goes in tax in their lifetime and, if they don't spend it all, what do you think happens to it when they die? Should they give it back to the lottery?