To ask how to get over inheritance resentment?

[catslovelife]

I know this is a very sticky subject on this board.

I really try and don't want to care, but all around me there are people who are inheriting large sums of money through inheritance, allowing them to live comfortably and do things that people who never inherit would never be able to do.

A lot of these people have inherited by default from aunts or uncles who don't have children, rather than through their parents. Sometimes from people they didn't even bother with when they were alive, so it seems crass they are profiting from their death.

I will likely never inherit a dime, and I have made my peace with that, it's only money at the end of the day and we can't take it with us. We will all end up in the morgue no matter how much is in our bank accounts. It is better to have your loved ones living than dead to give you an inheritance. But lots of my peers are relying on inheritance to fund their retirement / pay off their homes which puts a bit of panic in me as I will be funding this myself somehow. I sometimes think I would rather die before retirement as I don't think I'll be able to fund it.

I think inheritance creates a very unequal society as poor people will likely have nothing to leave, making the gap between rich and poor even wider.

I’m genuinely perplexed about why people get working up about this stuff.

Life generally isn’t objectively “fair”.

Some people have more money than you. That’s life, there’s no point in dwelling on it.

If you want more money, think about ways that you can increase your income.

Is there a point to your post?

But lots of my peers are relying on inheritance to fund their retirement / pay off their homes which puts a bit of panic in me as I will be funding this myself somehow.

Thinking about it, you are maybe better off than these people. If their planned on inheritance doesn't materialise or isn't as much as they expected, they are screwed. If you're relying on your own steam, anything you get is a bonus, if you ever get anything.

The only time I will inherit is when my mum passes away & I will inherit a 50% share of my childhood home. I got £1500 when my grandad died 25 years ago & that went as a deposit on the house I owned when I was married. If my mum passes away without needing care I will be able to buy a house of my own again.

My parents worked hard all their lives to make us a good home, my dad used to come home from his proper job & the go out working at nights & weekends rewiring houses, doing jobs on cars or doing overtime to give us a good life. Why shouldn't my brother & I inherit what they leave?

Of course for every notification of a windfall inheritance there is somebody notified of a terminal illness somewhere else, or the dreaded late night knock, or walks out in front of a bus. That's life and best to just work with what you have. Some get lucky and some get very unlucky.

My gran left a sizeable sum to her grandchildren of which I thought I was one. But I was adopted at 6 weeks so she didn't see me as proper family 45 years later. I got nothing. Two siblings agreed to split it 5 ways anyway but one didn't under pressure from their spouse, so it couldn't be changed. The other 4. One is dead, one is divorced and had to split assets (pressure spouse - that was predictable), one went bancrupt and the other lives on his own at 60 in a flat. None of them benefitted from it at all.

It's never been fair and there's never been anything you can do about it, unless your rich and can pay to make changes. Education has changed again so only the rich can become doctors now. To afford the costs of uni and other things it's basically impossible for a poorer child to become a doctor however clever they might be.

This is what it's about. Not people planning their financial future based on inheritance. My mum is skipping a generation (me out again😂😂 is it something I did) because we are nearly retired and she is still going strong so when it does happen our children, her grandchildren, will benefit much more than us from it, which is good because it will be at a time when it will be significant life changing for them, it wouldn't for us.

But generally, if you are planning you financial future on an inheritance you could easily be 65 before you get it, or 70 or never.

It is a non-issue. You either inherit, or you don't, whining about it doesn't change anything. Every week someone wins a large sum of money in Lotto (I'm not in the UK but I presume you have something similar) - does that bother everyone who doesn't? Do we spend our lives being miserable because they are luckier than us? There has always been economic inequality and there always will be. Some of you need to grow up.

Everyone’s different but many people would prefer to have healthy and alive family members and be poor vs dead family members who leave their fortune to you. Death and grief can be traumatising. That’s something money can’t fix.

Not sure about that tbh. Some can not wait for relatives to die and get the cash. Some don't care what so ever about health of their relatives.

like other family members i will be gifting my children during my lifetime vs upon my death.

It's rare but not in the least mythical. DS partner inherited a useful chunk from an uncle whilst in their 20s.

As others have said, some people are richer than others. We live in a predominantly capitalist world and that's just how it is. The only true way to get over your resentment about inheritance is to make enough money yourself not to require it.

The fact is though, that we all lose people we love. The difference being that some of us lose a loved one and inherit £££££ and others lose a loved one and inherit nothing.

I feel that the 'oh but I only inherited this $500K because I lost someone I loved deeply' is an attempt to shut down conversations about inherited wealth.

You assume a lot and are not correct.

Some people inherit wealth
Some inherit good genes
Some just have good luck.

Others don't.

@MintJulia I’m late getting to this thread but wanted to say that your first post is brilliant, and so true.

I think expectation of inheritance is dangerous. Obviously most people do not disclose their financial position, but two people I am close to are from wealthy backgrounds. They themselves struggle to get by, but think nothing of phoning parents to ask for money to help them through the month. My friends are parents themselves and live beyond their means. Neither of them have a plan beyond phoning Mum and Dad.

I love my friends and have never commented on their approach to money, as it’s not my business. If their parents have no issue with it then that’s their decision.

All I would say is that I wouldn’t swap places with them. I’ve never had the option to phone for money, and it’s given me a self reliance and resilience that my friends just do not have. As pp have noted, care in old age tends to swallow money up- my friend are probably hoping for an inheritance (I don’t know for sure) but I have no idea what they’ll do if that doesn’t happen.

However much IHT any govt. decided to take, you can bet that they’d soon find plenty of ways to waste it. I doubt the poorest in society would really feel much benefit.

You weren’t talking about an “average wage” lifestyle though, you specifically posted about people who have inherited and this allows them to “live comfortably and do things that people who never inherit would never be able to do.”

You want a comparable lifestyle and you won’t achieve it through inheritance, so what have you done to build that for yourself?

We’ve just inherited a large amount of money. It was from my parents whose aim in life was to be able to leave us comfortable. They saved their whole lives with the sole intent of leaving money and their property to their children and grandchildren.

I feel really lucky and grateful they did this.

You could say the same about tax on money people have earned. That's not considered a good reason not to pay it. We wouldn't have free (at the point of use) healthcare or education without it.

I don't think that's true. They will receive a full loan and many universities will provide other financial help.