To ask how to get over inheritance resentment?

[catslovelife]

I know this is a very sticky subject on this board.

I really try and don't want to care, but all around me there are people who are inheriting large sums of money through inheritance, allowing them to live comfortably and do things that people who never inherit would never be able to do.

A lot of these people have inherited by default from aunts or uncles who don't have children, rather than through their parents. Sometimes from people they didn't even bother with when they were alive, so it seems crass they are profiting from their death.

I will likely never inherit a dime, and I have made my peace with that, it's only money at the end of the day and we can't take it with us. We will all end up in the morgue no matter how much is in our bank accounts. It is better to have your loved ones living than dead to give you an inheritance. But lots of my peers are relying on inheritance to fund their retirement / pay off their homes which puts a bit of panic in me as I will be funding this myself somehow. I sometimes think I would rather die before retirement as I don't think I'll be able to fund it.

I think inheritance creates a very unequal society as poor people will likely have nothing to leave, making the gap between rich and poor even wider.

I think this is part of your problem. Trying growing up a bit.

My step-sisters will get what I think of as unfair share (compared to me) but to start being jealous of other whole families and what they can pass down as inheritance is quite a leap.

Life is unfair in a zillion ways. Why pick on this issue to get upset about, of all the ways life is unfair?

So once your Dad has stashed his childless aunt’s cash, what will he do with it?

Leave any to you, maybe?

Yes, its shit, sympathies OP. And played out nationally and globally its just re-inforcing inequalities.

Not necessarily. My DS and I inherited nothing as DM’s house was sold after DF died and the money all went on funding care for DM. It would have been very nice to inherit a big chunk of cash but DS and I are happy that mum was able to live in a lovely, comfortable care home and enjoy her last days.

How does this help OP?

The ‘I would give it all away to see x once more’ trope has been done a million times.

No one buys it.

My brother has already inherited a house, I'm renting.
I'm not bitter at all.
I may inherit a house, I may have to sell it to pay for my mum's care home, it is what it is.
Envy is the thief of joy

That is another issue / story which I don't want to get into on this thread because it's unsavoury, but I'll just say it's an open secret in the family that a lot of his money goes into financing mistresses abroad (he is married to my mother) and paying for sex (when we were growing up his mother had to pay for our food, school uniform etc as he had no money, we found out later it was all going on women abroad).

I won’t inherit from my parents and we’re fairly certain that one of DH’s siblings will get the majority of anything from his parents because they’re the most financially insecure of the lot of them. So we are saving like mad for retirement now that we’ve saved like mad to pay our mortgage off.

Inheritance isn’t the thing that makes society unequal. Even if the government banned inheritance and took the money in taxes or whatever do you think the poorer in society would see a penny of it.

Also you haven’t answered the question of what your Dad will do with the money from his aunt once he passed away, will it be left to you as an inheritance?

My parents did not own a house so I too won't be inheriting any vast sums. My surviving parent has a few whole life life insurance policies which will cover expenses and anything left will be split between the siblings but I'm totally at peace with that.

I've seen an acquaintance/former friend inherit a large sum and witnessed how it changed her. Firstly she always assumed she'd get the money and had pretty much spent it (in her head!) on a massive extension by the time the relative went into hospice. It was all very grabby and yucky and I ended up distancing myself a bit. Obviously lots of people are much more level headed than that but money can be a double edged sword and bring out the best or the worst in people.

Although it would obviously be nice to inherit a large sum, I'm glad I don't have that pressure.

I do think that it should be graded rather than abolished, inheritance tax that is.

Life's not fair OP but you can't really expect otherwise? Where's the incentive to work hard if you can't accumulate and disperse of your hard earned the way you see fit?

There are lots of inequalities in life, inheritance is just one and most people who do inherit won't be receiving life changing sums anyway. Poor people tend to suffer from these inequalities more than rich people but not every inequality relates to money either - health, genetic inheritance, intelligence, personality, pure luck or lack of it etc all have their influence.

A positive attitude makes life a lot more bearable, even fun. And the only person who has control over this is YOU.

Well I stand to get a reasonably large inheritance some day and I agree with you that it is unfair. I am amazed at how many people have suggested loop holes to get out of paying what seems to be a perfectly fair and legitimate level of inheritance tax. As if having this unearned windfall is not enough. The least you can do when you get this is be happy that a proportion of it is going in to the common pot to provide the kind of services that makes society work for all of us.

I am 66 years old and have inherited nothing to date - everything I have has been worked for and do not feel any resentment towards anyone who has inherited.

Life is unfair, it will always be unfair because people are different and make different decisions, and the sooner you realise that the easier it gets.

I don't think it's that unusual at all. In many cases you don't need to be talking about millions to have enough to pay off your mortgage.

Pretty much everyone in my acquaintance circle (in their 50s) has parents who own property, ranging in worth from 250k upwards, some of their parents have property worth much more plus pensions. Obviously there's the care home that may well come into it and it could all disappear!

But, potentially those offspring could inherit a few hundred thousand which could pay off their mortgage for them. The only person I know in my close friendship group who stands to inherit very little is me, as my DF doesn't own property.

If I trusted society to redistribute the wealth by creating a fair and just society I'd support capping inheritance, but I know suspect it would all just flow upwards to the people pulling the strings anyway. I'm only 47 and in my short lifetime (in the grand scheme of things) more ladders have been pulled up and there are fewer mechanism for social mobility than there were when I was a kid. I'm a very ordinary person and the only help I'll ever see will be a small but welcome inheritance, I think being able to pass on the fruits of your labours is a natural desire and disallowing it would be unfair.

I received a small inheritance in the way of my son's bank account when he died. I spent it to get my other kids therapy as a result of his sudden accidental death.

I would never be envious of anyone who has inherited. It means they have lost someone very close.

I'll give you every cent I got from my son's bank account if you give me back my son. I'd give up everything I have to have my child.

I inherited a significant sum from my grandparents, who I was very close to and did quite a lot for, from care to holding one of their hands as they died.

Of course their other grandchild inherited equally. She couldn't be arsed, rarely visited (once a year, for an afternoon, typically, and not once in the last two years of her life), was rude about the catering when she came, and I'll admit I felt like she didn't deserve the money.

And yes, it's all unfair, and it does entrench inequality - but I wasn't going to pass up the chance to get on the housing ladder and find the security so elusive in the private rented sector, so I could stand on the moral high ground.

@HerbsandSpices I am so sorry. I lost my Mum three weeks ago and it is tough, but she was almost 93 and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child.

I hope you're never in this position but, if you ever are in a position to inherit from your child, you will regret you ever thought those words. Then you will understand that you really would give anything to bring your child back. It's not trope.

The nursing home i used to work at was rife with will scroungers when residents were at the end 😞

MIL has a good pot of money in the bank and is mortgage free-we are encouraging her to spend it and enjoy her life seeing friends and going on holidays🤷‍♀️