To ask how to get over inheritance resentment?

[catslovelife]

I know this is a very sticky subject on this board.

I really try and don't want to care, but all around me there are people who are inheriting large sums of money through inheritance, allowing them to live comfortably and do things that people who never inherit would never be able to do.

A lot of these people have inherited by default from aunts or uncles who don't have children, rather than through their parents. Sometimes from people they didn't even bother with when they were alive, so it seems crass they are profiting from their death.

I will likely never inherit a dime, and I have made my peace with that, it's only money at the end of the day and we can't take it with us. We will all end up in the morgue no matter how much is in our bank accounts. It is better to have your loved ones living than dead to give you an inheritance. But lots of my peers are relying on inheritance to fund their retirement / pay off their homes which puts a bit of panic in me as I will be funding this myself somehow. I sometimes think I would rather die before retirement as I don't think I'll be able to fund it.

I think inheritance creates a very unequal society as poor people will likely have nothing to leave, making the gap between rich and poor even wider.

It's a tough one because it's a huge source of inequality because salaries are crap for most these days. What you inherit & when is more important which is wrong.

I know lots of people who have inherited 500k plus. It's not that unusual because of housing & inheritance tax thresholds can be quite high.

There is definitely a disparity between tax on income. I think income tax bands should be much higher. It's ridiculous that 53k triggers higher rate tax.

I inherited 3000 from my dm. Most of my friends have inherited far more from the sale of their dps house in a city etc. One inherited 350,000 while each of her dc got about 30,000 each. It literally doesn't cost me one thought. We never discuss it. Life goes on. It's like one friend marrying a guy with a great job and another barely managing. It's life. They are still the same friends to me. I am interested in them as people not in their money.
M dps taught me to be independent and gave me a good education so l could earn my own money. That's my inheritance!

I totally agree op. We never inherited anything as both sets of grandparents and parents had council houses. And its hard to see others suddenly doing all the stuff you can never do. One person i know hadn't much time for their remaining parent and treated them poorly. But when they died ,she was an only child and got everything. Her house has been extended and remodelled, new cars and at least 3 foreign holidays so far. Its galling, but what can you do.

I like reading posts like this. The poster obviously really appreciates the money they have been left.

I've not had any money from either dead parent nor any dead relative. I don't resent it, just the way it is. I do however think less of people who think that they deserve or have a right to an inheritance. It's not their money, it belongs to parents who can do what they want with it and if that includes spending it all before they die then good for them.

I'm never going to inherit anything and that's something I've always known and have been completely fine with. This is exactly why when I graduated from uni (paid with student loans so no family assistance) as soon as I got my first job I saved every single month for years. I went without nice clothes, had no holidays abroad for 5 years, didn't get takeouts, meals out etc. Just saved and saved as much as I could whatever I had left after my rent, council tax, electricity, water, food shop, internet etc.

I managed to save £20K for a house deposit without any financial support on a crap salary earning at first 16K and then progressing to 18K and finally 21K by the time I bought my first home. This is the financial security I wanted for myself and only I could achieve this for me, which is why I was so focused on owning a home by the time I was 25.

I'm 30 now and well aware I have a long way to go saving for retirement.

Has proven your point that an inheritance can make a massive difference to people's lives.

Hasn't proven your original point that this shouldn't happen to people.

I can understand the OP’s perspective. Life isn’t fair. Growing up disadvantaged, I used to be the first to advocate 100% inheritance tax to create a society based on equality of opportunity however this is unfortunately an unrealistic aim for our capitalist society. Let’s face it, if people are planning to leave significant legacies, then they’ve more than likely helped to get their children through the difficult early adult stages of life and promoted good habits around education and finance. Parents will invariably shield their children from things that make life difficult and a slog. I’m doing the same for my child creating lots of opportunity and saving for their future (human instinct I think) to disrupt the cycle of disadvantage. My hope is that they will be open about their good fortune and, although I hope they will work hard and create a good life for themselves, they will not look down on people or paint them as being envious simply because people recognise that their lives are much more difficult because they did not choose parents or other family members who are able to provide opportunity or finances. I think some people who inherit money or a supportive family can (not everyone) find it difficult to see the oppressive difficulties that those less fortunate can experience (and it can be like speaking to a brick wall).

Quite a lot of my childhood friends lived n council houses. They wanted to. No mortgage and no house maintenance. It was them who had cars and holidays! So now their Dc do not get a house to inherit or the value of the house. So many people make choices that suit at the time. Others just want their own place. This has only become an issue since ww2 and the thrust for home ownership. Few before that inherited much at all. We now expect more and are disappointed by the choices of parents. Cannot change it though - just do the best you can.