To ask how to get over inheritance resentment?

[catslovelife]

I know this is a very sticky subject on this board.

I really try and don't want to care, but all around me there are people who are inheriting large sums of money through inheritance, allowing them to live comfortably and do things that people who never inherit would never be able to do.

A lot of these people have inherited by default from aunts or uncles who don't have children, rather than through their parents. Sometimes from people they didn't even bother with when they were alive, so it seems crass they are profiting from their death.

I will likely never inherit a dime, and I have made my peace with that, it's only money at the end of the day and we can't take it with us. We will all end up in the morgue no matter how much is in our bank accounts. It is better to have your loved ones living than dead to give you an inheritance. But lots of my peers are relying on inheritance to fund their retirement / pay off their homes which puts a bit of panic in me as I will be funding this myself somehow. I sometimes think I would rather die before retirement as I don't think I'll be able to fund it.

I think inheritance creates a very unequal society as poor people will likely have nothing to leave, making the gap between rich and poor even wider.

No they didn't... My mam finally got fortunate enough to buy her house (after decades of hard work) at peak bubble its worth LESS now than she paid 20 years ago.

Grief can't people understand the difference between what happens at a society level and what happens to an individual?

Just because you can chew your toes doesn't mean it's normal and everyone else can. Similar jus because you know a person whose luck bucked the trend doesn't mean the overall trend isn't real and having a dominant effect on people's lives

Abolishing inheritance allowances would simply change people's tactics. I'm not sure it would lead to a more equal society.

At the moment, I intend to downsize in retirement to as close to the IHT limit as possible and leave everything I can, to my ds.

If there was no inheritance tax allowance, I would, instead, spend my money on things that will reduce my ds' overheads while I am alive, so he can pay off his mortgage sooner. Or pay for my (as yet nonexistent) grandchild's school fees.

Either would give me pleasure and since I've earned my money and paid tax on it already, I would be entitled to spend it how I wish. But I don't see how it would make life more equal.

You’re right - that’s why inheritance tax is so important to share the wealth.

Share it with whom? Tory MP's and their mates? Pull the other one. IHT specifically isn't benefitting anyone in need.

Taxes need to be shared fairly yes

Use your vote and make it count

There's been a lot about this in the press recently, particularly in the US - it's being predicted that western society is going to become divided into two stratas very soon: comfortable home-owners who inherited and a much poorer strata who haven't, and who will never be able to buy a home.

It's the “same money” if you pay a tradesman -they are still taxed on it even though you have also been taxed on it. I'm sure you wouldn't suggest that they don't pay tax because you've already paid tax. That's not how taxation works. Your children won't even have to pay inheritance tax unless you and your partner give them over a million.

If you are comparing a business transaction of exchanging goods/services to giving money to your children I don’t know what to tell you. 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think it’s brought out your best side, OP.

I also don’t believe you’d turn down a bequest if one unexpectedly came your way. I think you’re just pissed off that you’re not getting anything and they are.

Of course no one would turn down a bequest. Because the system is set up so that you'd have to be mad to, and one individual standing against the norm isn't going to change anything. Doesn't mean you can't wish that societywas organised differently.

I don't see that there is a difference in terms of being "taxed twice".

Anyone with a decent amount of money gives it away 7 years before they die or puts it in trust. Inheritance can mean the beneficiary is 60 plus! A bit late for a house deposit and mortgage. Give money early. Keep IHT low. Who really wants to pay 40% tax? If you work and try to buy a house it’s better than waiting for an inheritance that may never come until
you are nearing retirement yourself.

You don't see that in the tradesman exchange money changes hands because service was rendered/a good was provided, but in the other it's just the government putting its hand into someone's pocket because their mum died? Wealth that they benefitted from since birth and weren't penalised for it because their mum wasn't dead yet?

Yes, there is a difference. The tradesmen would have worked hard for the money you gave them whereas your children would have done nothing. You probably will not have paid tax on a large proportion of the money either as much of it will be from house price rises.

Breathtaking ignorance. I arrived in this country with one suitcase and life savings amounting to £800. All I have now is down to sheer grit and determination to provide a good life for my children.

I’ll physically burn money before I leave them to the state to spend on entitled people, who by they way also haven’t worked for my money, but seem to feel they should have some anyway.

So you are claiming that you haven't benefited at all from house price rises and all your money has been earned? If so, I don't believe you.

YABU

I will soon receive inheritance from my dad's house.

I would much rather have him here and never receive an inheritance.

Maybe you need to be strategic in your choice of marriage partner. I always tell my DDs to aim for someone whose parents live in eg Surrey with no brothers and sisters, preferably reasonably fit and healthy (Only joking).

People can leave money to whoever they wish.
Amd Not all people who inherit are heartless selfish people.
I'm.sorry you only come across those ones.

Me or my DH worn inherit a dime. It's never entered my head that others may get large inheritance tbh.

@catslovelife This is where families are going wrong, if people are prepared to stay at home longer to save a deposit and get on the property ladder young then they stand a good chance of accumulating wealth.

Even older people can go back to parents to be able to save more… if they are supported. LISA and other such avenues can help get a bigger deposit.

The emphasis should be supporting DC not kicking them out the door into a world of high rents and never getting on the property ladder.

We intend that DC will either live with us or in a rental property we own while at Uni so when they finish and have a stable job they can go directly and get a house….

I would incentivise young people saving money rather than having gap yahs, travels and wasting down the pub.

Don’t really understand a lot of this thread tbh.

I’ve seen people be gifted large deposits or be bought houses, weddings paid for, businesses bought into…. All I have ever felt was happiness for these people that they had a hand up and parents wishes carried out…..

Same goes for inheritance - nothing can ever take away the pain of bereavement, but it can make a horrible situation (grieving) more bearable. And something good can come out of it to carry on the deceased legacy as they wished.

My brother inherited 100 acres from an unmarried childless uncle. He farms it and maintains it as well as working full time and raising his family. I wish him all the best with it. Land isn’t like money or a house. It’s expected in my family that land will be kept together and passed onto the next generation and so forth. My other brother will inherit our family farm. It’s been in my family for many many generations. I’m happy to forgo an inheritance so that the farm stays together. It’s only his for his lifetime then he will pass it on.

I believe them. Because my parents did similar - arrived with nothing and a baby on the way. They didn't buy a house for years and are now freehold in that house in their 70s. It's not worth that much though. They haven't inherited anything from any parent as there was nothing to inherit. They have enough to get buy with social support payments because they have no mortgage. That is already a step up from their own parents who rented all their life.

We are similar. We started with nothing. Got married in university. Haven't had a chance to benefit from house price rises but might to some degree when we downsize, something we won't have the capacity to for years. I don't think we'll make much as I doubt there will be much difference between the sell price and buy price then. I don't expect to inherit because I think there will be nothing left. We got here through hard work. We're better off than our parents but the reason for that is one thing - education. Something our parents never had. They also never had student loan debt, but that is paid off now.

Probably we're the same as most of the population. No-one has gifted us any money or assets. No-one has left us an inheritance. My parents are likely to live another 20-25 years, if family history continues. We've muddled through and worked and done the best we can. Doesn't that represent the majority of the population?

My son is going to marry the only daughter of a local farmer 😂