To ask how to get over inheritance resentment?

[catslovelife]

I know this is a very sticky subject on this board.

I really try and don't want to care, but all around me there are people who are inheriting large sums of money through inheritance, allowing them to live comfortably and do things that people who never inherit would never be able to do.

A lot of these people have inherited by default from aunts or uncles who don't have children, rather than through their parents. Sometimes from people they didn't even bother with when they were alive, so it seems crass they are profiting from their death.

I will likely never inherit a dime, and I have made my peace with that, it's only money at the end of the day and we can't take it with us. We will all end up in the morgue no matter how much is in our bank accounts. It is better to have your loved ones living than dead to give you an inheritance. But lots of my peers are relying on inheritance to fund their retirement / pay off their homes which puts a bit of panic in me as I will be funding this myself somehow. I sometimes think I would rather die before retirement as I don't think I'll be able to fund it.

I think inheritance creates a very unequal society as poor people will likely have nothing to leave, making the gap between rich and poor even wider.

Thank you for your kindness. I'm sorry for the loss of your Mum. Mums are special and a profound loss. Three weeks is so recent too. 💜

OP, tbf your problem is your Dad and his horrible behaviour with money rather than inheritance in general. Has he spent his income on a family home rather than his sexlife your future prospects would be different

He does sound awful, and I am sorry about that. All these things are a lottery: are your parents prosperous or not? Loving and nurturing or abusive? Are children born into a war or famine zone or into stability?

But it is true that Capital accumulates, often exponentially, and is at the root of inequality. It is also shown that the degree of disparity/ polarity between rich and poor is as great a source of unhappiness as a lower standard of living (basics covered).

Communism doesn’t make people happy either.

The very best we can do for ourselves is to take pride in being self reliant, resist envy and jealousy, and look out for others.

I love my nephews and nieces but I'm not living frugally so that they can fly business class after I die...

I'm in two minds op, part of me thinks resentment of other people's good fortune is pure begrudgery tbh. However I can see point you make re how some people will never inherit.

But I think I'm of opinion that no matter what criteria you choose people will always be on a line from doing brilliantly to doing awfully and everywhere in between. And I'm not honestly convinced that a) it's possible to change that in reality and b) that you should chge it.

I think everyone should have access to first class education, but even with that, again people will be on a scale of those who'll benefit hugely and those who won't, for v many reasons.

Sorry, I think I'm stuck in a ' it's impossible to fix anyway' position. You could make all the new anti inheritance laws you want and yet, I don't doubt for one second that it won'take much difference.....

Everyone who works a full life has something to leave their loved ones, should they wish.
You sound bitter.
You need to work hard, save hard and try to invest in property that you can afford. You will be accumulating superannuation.

Successful people are the ones who pay the most tax and all poorer people benefit from that. Get yourself trained and working, educate your children well and to be contributers and hard workers.
You have no right to another's hard earned wealth.
It is fair that people can leave their assets to their loved ones.

I don’t understand this envy at all.
I have no inheritance and everything I own is due to my own efforts.

When I see friends from wealthy backgrounds and with inheritances in the millions, my thoughts are in the vein of “I wish my parents were more savvy and ambitious” or “I’ll make damn sure I build a comfortable financial cushion for my children”.

Thank you @HerbsandSpices 💐

My thinking is that it's better to give most of your money away long before you die, rather than leaving it as legacies.
The only exception would, of course, be your home if you still lived independently.

I am flying business so they won't have to!😂

This

Its natural to feel envious, and life is unfair and of course affuluent family background gives people a huge leg up.

I do know 3 people who have inherited large life changing amounts money from aunts, two of them inherited a house ( they were both worth about 600-700k)
So yes with the constant interest rate rises, COL etc and when DH and I will be working until we are 70 and scrimping to pay mortgage and bills of course Id love to be mortgage free with money in the bank!
Also know people who have been given a lot of fimancial support from parents, so if the roof has a leak or thr car breaks down their parents will step in and/or parents offer money for new kitchen, holiday, help with childcare fees, pay school fees or just a very generous financial gifts for birthdays and xmas.

I dont get any help and am unlikely to inherit anything, so yes makes me wistful and occasionally cross when people dont realise their good fortune and just how significant the financial support they get is and take it for granted.

@HerbsandSpices I am sorry for your loss. It will always be unnatural and tragic to outlive your child. I hope you can find peace

OP you need to crack on with your life and stop being so bitter and resentful. Life is too short to spend it comparing yourself to other people.

Nah you're so wrong.

I would never rely on inheritance. If the person leaving a fortune needs a care home that money will soon be eaten up.

I have known people that receive large inheritances. I also know people that will never receive anything as there is nothing to receive.

There is a third category and that is people who are cut out of wills. I am one of 5 daughters, Mother left everything to her favourite child. DH Father did the same. We were not the favourite children so we could have had approx 200k more.

@MintJulia you have the best attitude to life. It’s my birthday this weekend and when I woke up I decided to try and think of the best 10 moments of my life. The 10 best moments included sitting aged 13 the morning after a sleepover laughing with my best mate at school. It was all the quite simple stuff really.

The resentment won’t make you happy as they’ll always be something to be jealous of other people about, just ask yourself if you would have i to have had their lives wholesale? People have good and bad things happen in their lives so I’ve found nice to celebrate their good times and don’t be in total despair for their bad times as things change all the time. By all means we should work towards a fair society which takes good care of the vulnerable, tackles racism etc and try and make a difference to a few people’s lives even if you can’t change the world

I don’t think it’s odd at all to feel a bit of resentment about being surrounded by people inheriting large amounts of money. It definitely perpetuates a distinction between those of us who come from money and those who don’t. Like many people who have become more ‘middle class’ I now have a lot of friends who were brought up in wealthier homes than mine.

I wouldn’t go so far to say I’m bitter but the difference between those of my friends who are mortgage free owing to inheritances and those of us who will be paying them off until they retire is fairly stark. It’s all material difference but they definitely have more life choices.

I’ve lost my parents, with all the pain it brings, but inherited very little. It’s not a case of inheritance brings sadness - loss brings that.

You do the only thing you can do. You accept it, and make the best of your life.
We all have things we wish we had if we let ourselves think that way. It's a waste of time.

Same here, well I inherited £23k ten years ago, that is my lot. I know a lot of people who have had or will have a big inheritance coming to them. It’s just life, life has never been fair and it isn’t something I dwell on.

Thank you. x

I don't expect to inherit anything substantial. Not from my ILs. Anything left over from my parents will be dependent on whether they need to sell their property to fund care in older age. I encourage my parents to live life to the fullest. They earned their money so should enjoy it.

I get a windfall would make life easier financially but, if you ever do get one, chances are you won't take any pleasure in it. It comes at a high cost. There's also something quite satisfying about knowing that everything you have, you've earned and achieved yourself.

I do think inheritance perpetuates inequality but there are worse things in life than not being wealthy. Money doesn't buy happiness.

I suspect my DH will inherit from his sister. She never had children and her DH died before he retired, leaving her a fairly young widow, but wealthy. I’d much prefer her to have been the mother she wanted to be, and to have had company in her old age, than to receive her money.

We have inherited more than most. We are lucky with this. On the other hand we have been unlucky with my husband's health, as he had a spinal injury a few years ago, and can't do all the things he used to do, and has continual health problems (bowel/bladder/legs).

Your health is your wealth, and you never know what's around the corner, or when it might go. My husband would love to take the kids for a country walk or bike ride. Envy is a joy thief. We just have to make the most of what we do have.

Inheritance is unfair, you’ve done nothing to earn it at all. But then so is attractiveness or being extremely clever. Life is full of inequality, it’s a bit shit but there you are. We are very unlikely to inherit anything but thats ok, we are very self sufficient and building an inheritance for DD is our focus.

TBF it’s not like people who inherit nothing don’t grieve for their parents as well. The difference is that those with inheritance can help their kids or help themselves. I think it’s a bit unfair to shame someone for feeling a bit envious of that. I’d rather when I die I leave DD a tidy lump sum to see her alright than nothing. It’s not like it won’t make a difference to her life. Losing a child is completely different to losing a parent.

It's simply a quirk of birth like so many things. There's no point in letting it eat you up. The ones I've seen come unstuck are those expecting big inheritances only to have it swallowed by huge care costs. I have lots of siblings so always knew there'd be none but my parent's house was quickly swallowed care costs of £1,000 a week. They're probably much more now.