To ask how to get over inheritance resentment?

[catslovelife]

I know this is a very sticky subject on this board.

I really try and don't want to care, but all around me there are people who are inheriting large sums of money through inheritance, allowing them to live comfortably and do things that people who never inherit would never be able to do.

A lot of these people have inherited by default from aunts or uncles who don't have children, rather than through their parents. Sometimes from people they didn't even bother with when they were alive, so it seems crass they are profiting from their death.

I will likely never inherit a dime, and I have made my peace with that, it's only money at the end of the day and we can't take it with us. We will all end up in the morgue no matter how much is in our bank accounts. It is better to have your loved ones living than dead to give you an inheritance. But lots of my peers are relying on inheritance to fund their retirement / pay off their homes which puts a bit of panic in me as I will be funding this myself somehow. I sometimes think I would rather die before retirement as I don't think I'll be able to fund it.

I think inheritance creates a very unequal society as poor people will likely have nothing to leave, making the gap between rich and poor even wider.

The thing is where do you draw the line? Should we all live in some communist type state where everyone is given the same basic salary and a state / council house fully funded by the state to live in so everyone has the same? 🤷‍♀️

I come from a long line of people inheriting. It means I was mortgage free at 36 and don’t have to work. But, I’m disabled and actually day to day we have a fairly low income. We’re certainly not the uber rich type. But yes we’re a lot more comfortable than most in that we don’t have housing costs. And unless something happens to me as I get older than means I’ll have to pay for my own care then dd and Ds will inherit from me and the cycle will continue. It’s just the way our family works and always has done.

I had an elderly uncle who became a widower at age 60. About five years later he met a lovely woman and told his kids he planned to marry her. They were outraged! She was, according to them, trying to get her 'her hooks' into him, and get her hands on what was, they felt, by rights 'our house when he's gone'. Another thing that they didn't like about her was... that she was a Catholic! They had never been in a C of E church in their lives except for weddings, 'Christenings', and funerals. I said I hoped he would do what was right for him and be happy, and got a mouthful from one of them.

This is exactly what my NDN is doing,it's fascinating to watch and the person in question isn't even related to him.

Nothing in life is ‘Fair’ looks, intelligence, health, the country, parents and time you are born in is complete chance. You might be lucky, you might not!

It has been a conscious decision for us to have two children so that we are financially comfortable and one day they will have a healthy inheritance.

I have had one inheritance - £1000 left to me by one of my grandparents a few years ago. The remaining GPs all predeceased her. My DM had nothing except debts - I paid for her funeral. My DF also has substantial debts and I provide him with regular financial support.

I have friends who have been able to pay off mortgages, or retire earlier than planned, because of inheritances (often property-based in the SE). But there is no property for me or my sibs to inherit, so we won't be getting anything because there is nothing to offer. I'm fine with it. I've been making my own way in life since I left home aged 18. I choose to think about the fact that I've worked hard and been able to get myself to a position where I can help my family, rather than waiting for them to die so they can help me.

I'm not sure many people are using inheritance to get on the housing ladder. Most people who inherit are probably middle-aged and already on it if they are ever going to be. I'm in my late 50s and my parents are still alive (thankfully) and they may well need care at some point so they might not have much money left anyway.

Housing does need to cost less. We shouldn’t be in the position where people have to inherit to be able to buy a house.
I’d support rent controls, so that people can have secure tenancies for a reasonable amount. That would reduce the incentive to buy to let - and reduce house prices, though they are coming down as a result of interest rates rising.

Last comment wasn't meant to be snarky at anyone who does inherit BTW. Life is full of difference. I don't think it's healthy or productive to focus on what you don't have. Everyone's human and a bit of envy is normal, but ultimately you have to pull your big girl pants up and get on with it. I'm a big believer in concentrating on what you do have and crucially, what you can do (if possible) to change your situation if you are unhappy with it.

@Changes17 BTL has been disincentivised - now market rents are through the roof as supply dwindling

@WomblingTree86 I think it depends on age and generation. I know many millennials under 40 or so who have openly said they are relying on inheritance to buy a house.

And then there are parents who gift their children a deposit after they have inherited, so the children have benefited from the inheritance indirectly.

I think you’re directing your energy in the wrong direction OP.

Rather than be resentful of others with family who have worked hard and are entitled to leave it to whomever they please….

You could have developed a career for yourself and made your own money.

Unless you have disability of some description, in which case your position is more difficult.

The best way to approach this is to try and accept one’s lot in life and adjust accordingly to meet your goals.

If you want a good pension and to pay off mortgage there are ways to do this without inheritance; many who inherit still have success/wealth in their own right.

Accept your lot that others have stuff because of their birth

Yes sir I'll tug my cap now

My parents didn't inherit and came from very poor backgrounds. But they worked their bottoms off, never spent on things, went without for years building the business. They are now reasonable well off.
This benefited me and my sister growing up and setting up home. I'm aware that due to them things were easier for me than some peers. But I have also worked hard and saved.

I will likely inherit (depending on rules and care expenses), but I'm not waiting or after the inheritance.
I would much rather they spent their money and enjoyed their lives now. They have worked hard and deserve to enjoy the early sacrifices they made.
They however, want to know their children and grandchildren will have a nicer quality of life than they did

I think the whole inheritance thing is a ridiculous concept. The amount of people relying on it for retirement is crazy. Make your own way in life, and then you have none else to answer to. Nobody can guarantee an inheritance. Me and my oh were both overlooked by our so called parents when it came to inheritance, however, i am pleased about that as we made our own way.

@Moraxella which is where rent controls would come in. If the return is capped, rentals start to be a bad investment. Value of houses falls, social housing providers can afford to buy them - as could people who can’t afford to buy a house now. As a society we could stop seeing housing as an asset class and more as somewhere to live.

This represents an attitude problem - relying on an inheritance to buy a house. Do what previous generations did - work and save for years to be able to get together a deposit. Buy what you can afford, not what you want because you can't afford it, and work your way towards a bigger house the second time. We moved cities to be able to afford a house after years of working, working extra hours to save more towards a deposit, and then buying with a huge mortgage we're hoping to have paid off in ten years.

Sure there have always been some people gifted house deposits by their parents but that's pretty uncommon. Most of us ordinary people have to scrimp, save and sacrifice to get into a first humble home.

If you must feel resentment, direct it towards your family who have failed to provide an inheritance for you. Better still, focus your energy on providing for yourself and stop constantly benchmarking yourself against others.

The ones relying on an inheritance to buy a house may not be able to buy one until they are in their late 50s or even 60s then which will probably be too late to get much of a mortgage or be on a ladder.

Lol indeed. And while you're at it, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, disadvantage is there for the overcoming, and we can all be wealthy if we just work hard enough!

Interesting.. Most people I know see their inheritances being slashed by care/nursing home costs. It’s £5K/month folks!

I haven’t inherited anything and won’t but have always known that so am working on my own to build up a stock pile. I won’t get there as soon as others who get money from relatives, win the lottery or get shares in uniform startups. But that doesn’t matter - I’m doing okay and am healthy enough.

Agreed, and I think inheritances are a main driver of high property prices.

No it wouldn't, quite the reverse.

IHT is a punitive and regressive measure. If you are talking about property then Tax was paid on the income to cover the mortgage in the first place. To be able to pass your property onto your children or whoever you decided, is a basic freedom.

I'm not sure previous generations did work and save for years to buy a house. It is much harder now than it used to be.

My 20-something child did it a year ago. They worked very hard for it.

If you mean previous generations as in boomers had it much easier, sure. From the 90s on, not so much.

Campaign for higher inheritance tax.