Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to ask houseguest not to use the hairdryer at 1.30 am?

377 replies

houseguesthair · 09/06/2023 09:27

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
bonjour75 · 10/06/2023 21:39

She sounds rude but you sound secretly thrilled that it ended this way with you and 'lovely friend' together and her ostracised.

JGRAN · 10/06/2023 21:53

Get rid of them

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 10/06/2023 22:28

bonjour75 · 10/06/2023 21:39

She sounds rude but you sound secretly thrilled that it ended this way with you and 'lovely friend' together and her ostracised.

No "secret" about it. Of course the OP is thrilled to be rid of such a Cheeky Fucker, anyone who isn't a saint would be thrilled to be rid of her in the circs.

bonjour75 · 10/06/2023 22:34

By secretly thrilled I meant smug Confused

GirlOfTudor · 10/06/2023 22:51

YANBU. It's common sense not to use a hairdryer at that time of the morning. In your own house or anyone else's.
Imagine being that inconsiderate and then being a sour puss the next morning when you've been told off about it 😂

LookItsMeAgain · 10/06/2023 22:53

@houseguesthair - thank you for coming back and giving us all the lowdown on what happened.

Go enjoy the time you now have with your friend on her visit. You've definitely earned it!

TheOutnetReturns · 10/06/2023 23:52

Aw. Most of the time i hate t’internet and all the evils it brings - from creepy men demanding sm sex to pouty people showing off their holiday/new car/cocktails.

But this has been quite the refresher from My Sister-In-Law-doesn’t-like-the sandwiches-I’m supposed-to be-making-for-next-Saturday’s-tea-party - should I never speak to her again?

In all seriousness, the naughty guest sounds troubled, and if anyone ever has the time, it would benefit all of us if she could be helped.

I realise that sounds patronising. But as a bit of an odd ball myself (but not a rude one) I do feel a bit sorry for her.

MsRosley · 10/06/2023 23:54

bonjour75 · 10/06/2023 21:39

She sounds rude but you sound secretly thrilled that it ended this way with you and 'lovely friend' together and her ostracised.

God, there's always one, isn't there?

Well done for dealing with this with such good grace, OP. I couldn't even hope to emulate your patience and generosity.

TheOutnetReturns · 10/06/2023 23:54

I just also need to say that I too would be livid to hear a hairdryer at 1 am. So not criticising your attitude towards her.

WordsandSentences · 11/06/2023 04:41

bonjour75 · 10/06/2023 22:34

By secretly thrilled I meant smug Confused

You conveyed smug well, don’t worry.

GoodbyeKyle · 11/06/2023 05:39

You are an absolute queen 👏🏼🤩👑 that is all 💛

Billybea · 11/06/2023 07:56

Rude and inconsiderate pair of arseholes. If I was staying in someone else’s house who had been kind and gracious enough to let me stay I would tiptoe around the house after getting in late if you were in bed (even if you weren’t working the next day), Don’t you dare be made to feel awkward in your own home. Everyone deserves one error but if her attitude doesn’t improve then I would ditch them!

butterpuffed · 11/06/2023 08:13

Glad you managed to sort the CFF. Enjoy the rest of your lovely friend's visit . This has been an interesting thread to read .

Anniegetyourgun · 11/06/2023 08:14

"Ostracised"? Confused Guest behaved badly for a day and a half and then flounced. OP is relieved. What's wrong with that? Hopefully the next visitor she welcomes with open arms will behave like a decent guest should, as nearly all of them do, and there'll be no more weirdness.

Lacucuracha · 11/06/2023 08:41

Glad CF left and lovely friend didn’t feel obliged to pay for a hotel for them both.

Did they fly from Amsterdam? Did CF pay for her own ticket?

GreedyEdie · 11/06/2023 08:57

Lilywc · 10/06/2023 19:36

Hide the hairdryer!!

Cancel the cheque!

Gwenhwyfar · 11/06/2023 09:23

SpicedPumpkinLatte · 09/06/2023 10:02

She was rude not to bring a bottle of wine and, arguably, to have used the hair dryer.

On the shower point, it would have been minging to be out in the city all day and then get into bed without showering. I understand some people do this but I think it's gross, especially if they're then getting into my guest bed!

I'm on the fence about the hair dryer. It's generally white noise and I'd make accommodations for a guest.

But not bringing a bottle of wine or similar is reason enough to be pissed off.

I always give the present when I leave. There might still be a present.

As for minging to not shower before bed - as you mention that's a personal opinion.
I always tell guests the law where I live - no loud noise between 10pm and 7am, but they don't always understand what constitutes a loud noise - one decided to wash dishes at midnight so the banging of pots and pans kept me and presumably the downstairs neighbours (normal floors like in a house) awake.

Elly46 · 11/06/2023 09:50

Not unreasonable whatsoever! In my eyes the damage is already done and I’d be asking them to leave asap. You don’t deserve any of that nonsense!

ZiriForEver · 11/06/2023 10:01

It seems a bit unfair.

There is no universal global rule about no showers and hairdrying at night.
And yes, I've lived in several flats (mostly other EU country, but not only).

If there is a local specific like that, of course I'd adjust, but someone needs to tell me there is a soundproofing problem. If someone tried to stop me in the middle of washing my hair, I would really want to finish it, what else should I do? Keep shampoo on them? Similarly, preference to have one's hair dry before going to bed isn't a character flaw either and I suppose being stopped in the middle because of a rule you wasn't aware of doesn't help.

YABU for not providing information and than being very annoyed that someone didn't read your mind.
The rest somehow followed from that.

monsteramunch · 11/06/2023 10:06

ZiriForEver · 11/06/2023 10:01

It seems a bit unfair.

There is no universal global rule about no showers and hairdrying at night.
And yes, I've lived in several flats (mostly other EU country, but not only).

If there is a local specific like that, of course I'd adjust, but someone needs to tell me there is a soundproofing problem. If someone tried to stop me in the middle of washing my hair, I would really want to finish it, what else should I do? Keep shampoo on them? Similarly, preference to have one's hair dry before going to bed isn't a character flaw either and I suppose being stopped in the middle because of a rule you wasn't aware of doesn't help.

YABU for not providing information and than being very annoyed that someone didn't read your mind.
The rest somehow followed from that.

You need someone to tell you not to dry your hair with a hairdryer in their home at 1.30am?

Really?

billy1966 · 11/06/2023 10:12

OP, it all ended well.

I too had a B&B for years with friends and FOF staying constantly, as I lived centrally for many years in a fab European city.
People were hugely appreciative for somewhere to stay, even if it was a blow up and a sleeping bag.....we were in our 20's and inter railed several times, so roughing it was normal!

Showering and hair drying at 1am is a complete no no.

I too would be someone who loves a quick body shower before bed, I find I sleep better in the heat feeling cool and fresh.
Amsterdam has a thriving expatriate community, she needs to push herself out of her comfort zone and start joining things.

3littlebearcubs · 11/06/2023 10:25

I'm so happy for you that the CF friend is no longer staying at your place. You weren't the slightest bit unreasonable to ask her not to make noise at night and it's unbelievably cheeky of her to think it's ok to do whatever she pleases in someone else's home. I enjoy having friends to stay in my home, thankfully I've never had anyone like the CF to stay and hope I never do!

I hope you and your friend have a great time now that you can relax!

Kiwano · 11/06/2023 10:49

ZiriForEver · 11/06/2023 10:01

It seems a bit unfair.

There is no universal global rule about no showers and hairdrying at night.
And yes, I've lived in several flats (mostly other EU country, but not only).

If there is a local specific like that, of course I'd adjust, but someone needs to tell me there is a soundproofing problem. If someone tried to stop me in the middle of washing my hair, I would really want to finish it, what else should I do? Keep shampoo on them? Similarly, preference to have one's hair dry before going to bed isn't a character flaw either and I suppose being stopped in the middle because of a rule you wasn't aware of doesn't help.

YABU for not providing information and than being very annoyed that someone didn't read your mind.
The rest somehow followed from that.

The rule is that you don't act inconsiderately at a time when other people are trying to sleep. Surely most people know and understand that? Irrespective of whether the guest knew about the neighbours, she must have known that it was likely to disturb the other people in the flat. If you prefer to have your hair dry before going to bed, there's an easy answer - leave washing it until the morning.

Gemigem · 11/06/2023 11:06

Just broke up with my fella after 25 years. Our son (who lives with me,and is 21)is now replacing his dad. He's become over pursesive and dictates every day. How can I nip this in the bud,or should I be grateful. I'm walking on egg shells all over again.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 11/06/2023 11:27

Gemigem · 11/06/2023 11:06

Just broke up with my fella after 25 years. Our son (who lives with me,and is 21)is now replacing his dad. He's become over pursesive and dictates every day. How can I nip this in the bud,or should I be grateful. I'm walking on egg shells all over again.

Best start your own thread, but in answer to your question; Tell your son to start toeing the line or move in with his dad as you're not putting up with it. Don't cook for him, wash for him, feed him until he learns some respect.

Sadly he's been around his dad too long and learned poor behaviour.

Swipe left for the next trending thread