AIBU unreasonable to ask houseguest not to use the hairdryer at 1.30 am?

[houseguesthair]

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

When I stay with people I arrive with presents. Will pay for meals out and be completely aware of their schedules and needs, especially if they are working and I am not.

Sending that text will end your friendship. If you don't mind then fine. However if you do then it would be better to simply let your friend know that you are upset about being woken with the hairdryer and they need to be more considerate in the evenings.

Oh how wrong you are, read the whole thread!!

You may want to read the OP’s further updates…..

I think you did the right thing. It was rude of her. I wouldn't expect a hairdryer being on past 11pm. I go to bed at 10pm.

I mean I love a long shower but 1 hour, Jesus! You’d be like a prune, and after 10 or so minutes I start to get claustrophobic.

Good on you for saying something OP!

Waiting for the final update…

enjoy your weekend OP

My 15 year old daughter 🤣

yep, DS(17) and DD(19) shower before bed (usually after midnight). They never use the hairdryer though.

I'm Irish and I don't really identify with what you're saying at all. The Mrs Doyle thing is real enough but doesn't really apply when you arrive at someone's house, where in these circumstances, I think most would bring a gift, especially if there weren't going to be opportunities to pay for meals out etc. Etiquette and cultures do vary, but seemingly cheekyfuckerdom is universal!

I can't wait for the update!

Great thread, also I'm nicking this phrase: champagne taste and a water budget

Yeh mine too, well she’s almost 15.

Yes! Same here!

At least she's gone.

Place marking for update

So last night I got home CFF was fast asleep in the sitting room. Had a g&t in my bedroom and waited for lovely friend and mutual friend to arrive. They arrived with shopping for a supper and an aperitif and lovely friend had also grabbed flowers, washing powder, olive oil, and basically I think all the expensive cupboard staples she could find at the supermarket. CFF didnt stir when the arrived and when we were unpacking …. This must have taken an effort because we were making quite a racket in the kitchen which is next to the sitting room. We made a massive salad, turned the oven on to heat up some tapas and served each other wine. Mutual friend went to sitting room to wake up CFF and to offer her a glass of wine. At this point because I could see how embarrassed and upset lovely friend was I had decided to do my best to just put up with CFF ( because in a way for me true friendship always involves making sacrifices for the people you love) and I knew that lovely friend was feeling bad and mortified because she must have done at least 250€ worth of shopping of things for me… So mutual friend wakes up CFF quand offers her wine or water or iced coffee. CFF says she’s too hot to drink and exhausted from the city and that she’s tired and going to bed. ( it’s 8.30pm ish at this point). Mutual friend manages to convince her to have at least an aperitif with us. So we arrive in the sitting room, lovely friend and I with salad and wine and tapas and “ frosé” - frosé is a old student tradition of ours where you take rosé and blend it in a blender with ice to make a sort of wine slushy… CFF makes a comment about how it’s okay for us to make noise with the blender but that she “wasn’t allowed” to dry her hair. Mutual friend pipes up with a “ yeah but in our city not pissing off your neighbors is really important because we all live is such close proximity so noise at night is a big issue- but hey culturally everybody understands that the first day we hit over 30•c rosé aperitifs are an obligation ». CFF then went off on one about how we treat foreigners ( mutual friend is foreign, lovely friend is foreign, I am foreign). Mutual friend said that she obviously seemed unhappy about something and that maybe it was best to mention it now because we wanted her to enjoy her time here and we could help if she told us. CFF then went off on another rant about me being unwelcoming because

• I had a lot of photos on my fridge of lovely friend and me and I was apparently trying to show her I was a better friend to lovely friend than her ( we’re know each other over 15 years - she was my best woman and I was hers, we studied together, got to know the city together, both tried and failed at getting pregnant together.. we’re solid friends - and I have the pics to prove it on my fridge)

• when they had arrived in the middle of the day and I was WFH ( to be able to let them in, give them keys etc ) - I had welcomed them, showed them their rooms between two zooms, told CFF that if she needed anything Lovely friend could show her. When they were about to head out for the afternoon ( remember 30•c in the shade here) I’d heard from my room where I was working from my bed having given up home office to lovely friend while CFF got the actual spare bedroom and had escaped between two zooms and given sun cream to lovely friend but not CFF ( expecting they would share) I then got one bottle of frozen water out of the freezer ( but I only had one) and a bottle out of the fridge apologizing I only had one … I gave the frozen bottle to CFF and the not frozen bottle to Lovely friend. Apparently CFF thought i was taking the piss giving her a bottle of frozen water and not water she could drink … I was being nice … when it’s hot here is you take a bottle of normal water out it’s warm within 15 minutes - if you take it out frozen it melts slowly in the heat and you get to drink cold water for a few hours ….
• i had complained about her drying her hair and apparently made her feel vain and then rubbed it in by asking her in the morning if she had slept well although I knew she had to go to bed with wet hair ( honestly when it’s this hot I go to bed with wet hair on purpose because it at least stays cool the time I fall asleep)

at this point mutual friend intervened saying ( bless her) “well if you’re unhappy here and feel unwelcome you can come and stay on my sofa if you’d like but be warned at mine you can’t shower of dry your hair after 11pm .. and I don’t have as many towels as houseguesthair and my flat is smaller and I don’t have any water in the fridge and I think my sun cream expired 2 years ago.” CFF did not take well to this and started causing us of “ganging up on her” - she’s a late mid thirties woman like all of us … not a teenager.

We apologized she felt that way and said we hadn’t meant to gang up and maybe it was just that we all knew what my city is like and she wasn’t used to the close quarters and the summer heat. She just stood up and went to her room saying she was going to book a hotel with aircon and mosquito nets … she then spend ages and ages on the phone while we sort of drank wine in silence … and then finally she very loudly packed her bag and announced she was getting an Uber to her cousins. The Uber didn’t arrive until within 10 minutes ( normally take max 5 minutes to get to mine) so I offered to order her one or walk her to a taxi rank if she wanted to leave … she basically told me to fuck off and went back to her room … about 20 minutes later she emerged sheepishly from her room phone in her hand asking me to explain to her cousin how to get to the appartment… cousin was apologetic on the phone and asked if she hadn’t been too much trouble….

all that to say she is gone and we strongly suspect that she is stony broke and was expecting my lovely friend to 100% bankroll a trip to Paris and was upset when she realized this meant staying with a friend and not some sort of 5* hotel she had imagined … I also tried to LinkedIn stalk her … she does not hold the position she told my friend she had ….

anyway - we’re all ( lovely friend, mutual friend and me ) getting a pedicure in an air conditioned salon right now and have planned the rest of the weekend of nice outings and food. We obviously have to talk lovely friend through WTF happened with CFF - but we have time.

As mutual friend said #annasorkin vibes

Thank you for such a detailed update! You are your friends sound fab!! I'd join you anytime, will bring wine and wash my hair in the morning 😁

All being said, you're all better off without her!

Blimey CFF sounds nuts! Such entitled behaviour!

Lol. You hit the nail on the head.

Wow, she's awful!! Your nice friend has certainly seen her true colours clearly, holidays can be quite useful for that. At least you'll be able to enjoy the rest of the trip and your friendship is intact, and with quite a new shared experience as well.
I love the sound of frosé.

To be fair to CFF - mutual friend did admit that it took everyone a while to get used to the sort of fusional interdependent sister like relationship me and lovely friend have and that sometimes it was hard not to feel left out… and the fact that we are physically so different ( lovely friend is tiny, Asian, short, delicate, soft spoken, I’m tall, blond, overweight, loud ) but seem to just get each other, (always have since the day we met) makes it even harder… and that we might be just friends but that what lovely friend had done was the platonic équivalant of taking an expectant one night stand on holiday to stay with the love of your life … and that it was only ever going to end badly with upset feelings for CFF … I say mutual friend is too kind

I really want to hang out with you and your lovely friend OP. I think we would get on. When’s the tiny room next free? I live in London so am used to small spaces ;-)