AIBU to think DH can take DC to nursery this time

[sunshineandwinee]

DC goes to nursery three times a week. Me and DH work full time and compressed our hours, because of his random shift work hours and because I can work flexibly I do the nursery drop offs and pick ups. That’s fine as it makes sense, I can work from home those days I drop them off as DC is at nursery.

DH has taken some random annual leave, and has moaned that he never gets any time on his own. But he won’t go out on his annual leave he wants to be at home, and just my presence there means he’s not having alone time.

I asked him to take our children to nursery and then I’ll go into the office and I’ll pick them up. He refused. Because it’s his day off even tho he’s doing nothing.

I went to the office and took them there and he wouldn’t even pick them up, so I had to work into the evening after I brought them home.

im feeling really pissed off because this week when it would have been nice to get some help he’s not helped at all with getting them ready, or offering to do the pick up or drop off for once. I get I do this normally but thought as he was on leave he could help but he’s mad at me!!

I don’t know if I’m wrong here.

for context I’ve always done the majority of the work at home with the kids - sorting meals/bedtime/bath, I’m just tired.

YABU - you normally do the pick up and drop off so you should do it
YANBU - DH has leave and can help.

your DH is a lazy sod

Why are you enabling this? He wants you out of the house but won’t help with drop off to facilitate it?

I would have gone out to the office leaving the kids with him in the morning so he had to drop them off.

He’s a lazy arse. Can’t even be bothered to parent his own children. Have your first LTB.

This would give me the rage as in my eyes he isn’t “helping”, he is doing his share of parenting HIS kids. Tell him to grow up, you are not his skivvy.

Annual leave isn't a holiday from your own kids and responsibilities ffs.

He sounds shit. He's their dad and should pull his weight. Even on his annual leave. Do you get a break from him and being a parent on YOUR annual leave? I doubt it.

You best me to saying that!

*beat

So let me guess, when you have your holidays or just a day off, you just sit on the sofa while he sorts the kids? No? Oh how surprising.

He is a dick.

What happens in your leave? Do you get the house to yourself? He’s a lazy prick. I’d have just gone to work and left him with the kids to take to nursery.

Once you have children, you don’t get to take leave with no responsibilities during it any more. It’s called being a parent

You should of just left and gone to work. Let him then decide if he wants DC at home all day or a day without them. I've had to do it in the past to get my point across

He is a waste of space. He should want to do it. My dh would never do this and nor would I. He doesn't get to kick you out of the house, if he wants alone time he can go out. If he stays home and you're in the office he should have tea cooked and sort the kids out. I really don't understand wanting complete days to do nothing but laze when you have kids. They don't just disappear because he has annual leave, someone still needs to sort them out and it's always you. For me the bigger issue is that he doesn't want to spend time with them when he is normally at work.

You have a shit husband and he’s also a shit father … is this news to you?

He is taking leave from his paid employment, not the rest of his life and commitments. I would suggest you take a day to yourself at some point soon and make sure that he knows he will be fully responsible for getting child ready and drop off and pick ups.

Maybe book it today and tell him how much you're looking forward to that lie in and not having to do anything all day. Hopefully he will realise he's been selfish.

What a weird dynamic. Does he just never do any drop offs or pick ups? Does he see that as 100% your job? Definitely a watershed moment to split that 50/50 moving forward.

What Sparklfairy said

Quite baffled why you assisted him with this OP. He’s an idiot

This is really shitty op and you deserve better.

My dp is off at the moment and even though our DC are old he's doing about 90% around the house because he's off and I'm working. That's how a partnership should work, the one who's off picks up more of the childcare and household stuff to make it easier of everyone.

This drives me insane. He's being so lazy but I feel your pain as my ex used to do this and would be livid when I asked for him to do stuff as he was off work. Obviously I had to save my holiday for school holidays and childcare so I didn't get any time 'on my own'. He's a fucker OP and dont enable it as it will lead to resentment.

That's so lazy. What about when your child is at school and he needs to spend his annual leave on the school holidays to look after them? It's just how it is as a parent, you don't just get a free pass.

I do school drop off and DH does Nursery, this will change in September when he starts a year of training and I already feel the resentment rising that I will be responsible for all drop offs and pick-ups.

He did mention last month that he never get's alone time. Ironically I was standing in the kitchen with an armful of washing and dinner cooking whilst trying to wrangle the kids to the bathroom to take a bath.

One look at my face and he quickly shut the f**k up.

Seriously - if he had annual leave and wanted me to be out of the house so he could enjoy alone time I would arranging a permanent solution. I do not understand men who get married and have kids and don't step up. Eurgh!

My first answer would be and when the f..k do I get alone time you lazy arsed T..t.
But I wouldn't have put up with this from the start your both working your both parents you both do an equal share cooking cleaning and parenting and if anyone has time off they pick up more or do a preplanned job like decorate.
My son has 3 children 5 and 2 year twins ....last week he was off to start on the build of an extension laying foundations....he still looked after the boys on school run or did the school run, cooked dinner etc. He works 7 to 4 comes home puts dinner on or does the childcare weekend he has kids one day his partner works....they both take it in turns to have some time off because they know they are both working hard whether childcare or paid work.

Yep! Find it truly bizarre that some men think like this. My dp focuses his time off around the kids.

Can you take a day of leave next week op? Tell work it’s a mental health day, you’re near burn out so they don’t complain about the short notice. Be out of the house by 6:30 am and don’t come back till past the dc bedtime. Fair’s fair, he obviously will happily take on pick up drop off and everything else. Unfortunately you can’t risk trying to have a leave day at home though.

for context I’ve always done the majority of the work at home with the kids - sorting meals/bedtime/bath, I’m just tired.

Of course you have. Yet another woman stuck with a fucking lazy man.