AIBU to think DH can take DC to nursery this time

[sunshineandwinee]

DC goes to nursery three times a week. Me and DH work full time and compressed our hours, because of his random shift work hours and because I can work flexibly I do the nursery drop offs and pick ups. That’s fine as it makes sense, I can work from home those days I drop them off as DC is at nursery.

DH has taken some random annual leave, and has moaned that he never gets any time on his own. But he won’t go out on his annual leave he wants to be at home, and just my presence there means he’s not having alone time.

I asked him to take our children to nursery and then I’ll go into the office and I’ll pick them up. He refused. Because it’s his day off even tho he’s doing nothing.

I went to the office and took them there and he wouldn’t even pick them up, so I had to work into the evening after I brought them home.

im feeling really pissed off because this week when it would have been nice to get some help he’s not helped at all with getting them ready, or offering to do the pick up or drop off for once. I get I do this normally but thought as he was on leave he could help but he’s mad at me!!

I don’t know if I’m wrong here.

for context I’ve always done the majority of the work at home with the kids - sorting meals/bedtime/bath, I’m just tired.

YABU - you normally do the pick up and drop off so you should do it
YANBU - DH has leave and can help.

Why are you putting up with this? Tell him he has a choice

you wfh so he wont be on his own and you wont be available, so here’s the list of chores to do, including picking up the kids

or you go into the office, he does both trips to the nursery and his list of chores

My response would be “oh cool, I’ll book time off and you’ll have to arrange the dc and your own work during that time because I’ll be off” twat! Sorry, your post has made me angry. Parenting is team work and he’s not acting as part of that team.

He is being a lazy git and you absolutely need to get this sorted before school. While there are lots of challenges with nursery aged children that get easier, the logistics of a school aged child is much harder because:

1. there are more random events/assemblies/parents evenings/trips etc to juggle/early finishes etc
2. Holidays- and this is the big one. Chances are you will need to split your leave and you’ll both be spending a good portion of it doing childcare- especially likely in reception when the choice of camps for under 5s tends to be less.

I mean me and DH sometimes arrange going into office around the other person wanting a bit of space- its rare but that in itself I don't think is an issue and you've been more than accommodating in your suggestion! The fact he doesn't usually help and couldn't even be bothered to drop them off is abhorrent.

Get up
Go to work
He can chose what to do with the children

Let me guess, he’s a police officer or similar?(Whatever his job, he’s a lazy selfish bastard.)

I do get the wanting to chill in an empty house instead of having to get out for peace, that’s my absolute dream 🤣 but making you work like a donkey so he can chill on his butt on his time off is extremely selfish. I wonder what your time off looks like? If anything like mine, it’s batch cooking, cleaning stuff that you don’t normally have time to get to, or dealing with kids appointments, school stuff etc! My husband is like yours!

Lazy prick. My husband works FT and I work PT and he still does like 50% of nursery runs depending on who has what else on. He's also taken annual leave to look after our younger DD as I am back at work from mat leave but she doesn't start nursery for a couple of weeks, so he's taken holiday to look after her on my work days.

I bet he gets a lot more alone time than you do.

This made me laugh! Maybe not in a funny way .. but mine is the exact same! The extremely rare time he has no choice but to do it, it’s half a flamin job, loads gets missed and I have to run around plugging holes! I recently started the gym cus I’m a beached whale 😱 given our work, the kids & his hobbies, the only time I can go is 6am. 3 days a week he just needs to get up with the kids, get them ready & out for school. It’s impossible! I’ve had to stop going as I’m making 30min round trips to drop off stuff that they NEED but he forgot. Then he moans at me because I’m not committing to the gym 🙈

Genuine question.. what does it look like in a typical household. I know this isn’t acceptable, but I’m interested to see what normal is for those who have parters who do share the load

What a lazy wanker and a shit dad. I would do fuck all for him in future. You are not his servant.

My DH has two weeks leave, he has all the school runs (bar one when I felt he deserved a lie in) he wouldn't be able to fathom it being any other way.

I just clicked the wrong button! YANBU If what I meant to press

In these situations I always ask myself if the tables were turned how would I act, so Joe would you act?
would you let him work late on your days off so you didn't have to collect your own children?
Nah nor would I and nor would any decent person.
If my husband said this to me I'd be asking him if he was alright in the head, I'd also make it clear the next time I had annual leave I'd also be free from any parental duties and I'm sure that would change his tune.

Would play devil’s advocate here and say if this is the first time he’s ever down this he might be burnt out/depressed/not himself, so maybe he needs some time to himself to decompress?

If he’s done it before - totally a dick move.

Is it a normal gym or a privately run one?

People treat you how you allow them to.

So would I. Lazy arse, it would have served him right.

I am flabbergasted that the parent who normally can't do the school/nursery run because of work commitments, doesn't jump at the opportunity to see where their DC's are on certain days, see their little friends and have that special chat/sing time in the car or during the walk.
Does your DH actually love his DC?

Go back and press it. It will change your vote for you.

Thanks @Topseyt123 ! Done

I'd have left them at home and then it would be down to him to take them.

He’s sounds shit all round and doesn’t have much respect for you. Or are you going to tell us how he’s a great dad and good partner in other ways 🤦‍♀️

This.
you have to actively stop being walked over.

@TheMummy1417 I don't get up knowing I have loads to do before even leaving the house. I dont come home from work and dread the house been a tip, hes tidier than I am. I dont have to worry about the shopping getting done or needing to feed everyone everyday because if I can't be bothered then he'll take over and vice versa. He made the appointment and took them all to the dentist last week one evening, sorted it with his boss. He really looks after us all, im working nights and struggling a little at the mo so he's taken on the majority of the load bless him without complaint. He worked really hard at work to earn the flexibility for this reason when the kids were small. Basically, it's very chilled and organised cos there's two of us mucking in.