AIBU to think DH can take DC to nursery this time

[sunshineandwinee]

DC goes to nursery three times a week. Me and DH work full time and compressed our hours, because of his random shift work hours and because I can work flexibly I do the nursery drop offs and pick ups. That’s fine as it makes sense, I can work from home those days I drop them off as DC is at nursery.

DH has taken some random annual leave, and has moaned that he never gets any time on his own. But he won’t go out on his annual leave he wants to be at home, and just my presence there means he’s not having alone time.

I asked him to take our children to nursery and then I’ll go into the office and I’ll pick them up. He refused. Because it’s his day off even tho he’s doing nothing.

I went to the office and took them there and he wouldn’t even pick them up, so I had to work into the evening after I brought them home.

im feeling really pissed off because this week when it would have been nice to get some help he’s not helped at all with getting them ready, or offering to do the pick up or drop off for once. I get I do this normally but thought as he was on leave he could help but he’s mad at me!!

I don’t know if I’m wrong here.

for context I’ve always done the majority of the work at home with the kids - sorting meals/bedtime/bath, I’m just tired.

YABU - you normally do the pick up and drop off so you should do it
YANBU - DH has leave and can help.

For us, my DH works 4 days a week (dropped a day when we had DD to be able to help around the house and still have family time)
He does nappy change at 4am then goes back to sleep, then I entertain DD and have cuddles when she wakes whilst he goes downstairs, lets dogs out/feeds them, and makes her morning bottle and us a cup of tea/coffee. Whilst he gives her said bottle, I get ready for the day then we all sit in/on bed for a bit chatting usually we work out what needs doing that day and make a plan for the day here too. Then he gets ready for the day whilst I get little one changed and dressed, he makes the bed.
He cleans bathrooms twice a week, runs the hoover round most days either before or after work, and in the evenings we take turns in being the one to clean/sterilise bottles and sort laundry/kitchen or being the one to do bath/bed routine. He always does bedtime if he's been at work so he gets that time with her, and I get half an hour to sit in the garden with a brew or read or whatever if I've been with DC all day.
We make dinner together if he's home, or sometimes I make it ready for him getting home if he's finishing work later.
Days off we do the usual morning routine but then he will do most nappy changes etc, I will make bottles and he'll give them to her, we try do a bigger job together on one of his days off like sorting little ones wardrobe or deep cleaning etc and then keep his 2 days off together free of house jobs other than the hoovering (big dogs, needs doing every day) the laundry which we share and takes 5 mins, so we get plenty of chill time together to do family stuff or if one of us wants to make plans with friends etc

@NorthernSarcasticandDownrightFantastic where do you find such a man? #askingforafriend

Of course yanbu.

Being on annual leave doesn't give anyone a total rest, people still need to eat, things get dirty and children need caring for. Annual leave just means not having to do your main job in those days, it's not a total opt out from all responsibility as a human being or as a parent.

If he wants to separately negotiate that kind of wide-ranging opt-out-of-everything that should be negotiated with you separately with figuring out how to give you the same amount of time-totally-off being a key condition. But it's rare for such things to actually be possible when there are young kids in the household.

This,
Annual leave isn't a holiday from your own kids and responsibilities.

Time he stepped up, and did his share of parenting, dont allow him to turn this onto you.

What, one that isn't an arse? 😅😅😅

What an absolute dick. I would have to exact revenge in some form or other using said children. He needs a massive wake up call. Annual leave from kids?!?! Whatever next.

Why not leave the kids there? He then has the choice of taking them to nursery or spending the day with them. His choice.

but I really hope you show him this thread. As that is completely rude on his behalf.
so lazy

Both of us ft, 3 dc eldest is 7. Dh gets up at 5ish, empties dishwasher, washes the pans from the previous night, sometimes puts a soup in the slowcooker and heads off by 6. I get up with the 3 dc and get them to childcare and school and go into work/come back to work from home. He collects dc on his way home. If it’s a day I’m in the office he does dinner etc, and tuesday oldest has piano at 7 so if I’m not home he has to do speedy dinner and pack them all in the car to take eldest to piano, hang around and bring him back. This is a pain but he booked the lessons in and I said I wouldn’t always be able to be home so it’s all on you. Etc. He has to leave work a little earlier wed to take eldest to footy training. We both get admin stuff done in the evening.

Definitely not being unreasonable, we never take leave unless the other half or child is off otherwise it’s a wasted day when we could have spent it as a family or it’s kept for emergency childcare times/school holidays. DH wants to take leave to do some house decorating but even then I think it’s a waste of family time.

I would have got up early and gone into the office to get a head start on the day then you could have got an early finish, I wouldn’t even have asked, it would have been expected from both sides!

DS is at nursery 3 days a week and I work on those days (3 longer days) DH drops him off and picks him up on those days. I’m off with DS for two days and on those days I may or may not get some tidying up done but I don’t set out to do it. We’re usually out and about.

We alternate bedtimes, he does all the cooking because I hate cooking, I do most of the washing usually on my work from home day, we just tidy as we go, and we usually do garden stuff on a weekend if the weather is nice.

We each go out at different times and aside from checking the other parent will be around to parent their child and we’ve nothing else planned, we just crack on. This usually works out fairly and weekends are usually family time mainly.

It baffles me that men are allowed to pretend to be incompetent and get away with it, or are just general arseholes!

And all of our annual leave is used for family time or childcare.

Honestly I wouldn't be getting tougher, I'd be getting rid! If he changes his attitude then maybe he could try again.

Sadly it's pretty clear he doesn't want you/the kids and family life!

This. And if I were you I'd have worked from home if that's easier for you.

... because most people would have a free butler/servant if they found someone willing to do it.

Why are so many women so mentally unwell that they allow this sh**?

My partner is like this also it’s frustrating to say the least

He’s not a good man, husband or father if he thinks being on holiday abdicates him of responsibility to help with his children! It’s an absolute joke and I certainly would not tolerate it.

It's depressing that there's a post like this every other day. Tell him to pull his finger out and parent his children.

You take annual leave from a job. You don't take annual leave from being a parent.

Also taking his child to nursery is precious time that he will not get back.

Wow what is wrong with some men? Not getting time on their own!! They shouldn't get married have kids . One thing wanting rime on their own, go out go fishing pub , footy etc but not wanting to go out and making you go out op and yet still not look after kids or at least drop them off, it's so out of order. OP, You need to be booking yourself some ME time ASAP

So did mine were ours were younger.

Put your foot down, OP- leave the DC with him. If he kicks off, he gets it back big time.

Sounds very familiar no idea where this entitlement comes from with these men

Dh is being a lasy pathetic arse.
He needs a reality check