AIBU to think DH can take DC to nursery this time

[sunshineandwinee]

DC goes to nursery three times a week. Me and DH work full time and compressed our hours, because of his random shift work hours and because I can work flexibly I do the nursery drop offs and pick ups. That’s fine as it makes sense, I can work from home those days I drop them off as DC is at nursery.

DH has taken some random annual leave, and has moaned that he never gets any time on his own. But he won’t go out on his annual leave he wants to be at home, and just my presence there means he’s not having alone time.

I asked him to take our children to nursery and then I’ll go into the office and I’ll pick them up. He refused. Because it’s his day off even tho he’s doing nothing.

I went to the office and took them there and he wouldn’t even pick them up, so I had to work into the evening after I brought them home.

im feeling really pissed off because this week when it would have been nice to get some help he’s not helped at all with getting them ready, or offering to do the pick up or drop off for once. I get I do this normally but thought as he was on leave he could help but he’s mad at me!!

I don’t know if I’m wrong here.

for context I’ve always done the majority of the work at home with the kids - sorting meals/bedtime/bath, I’m just tired.

YABU - you normally do the pick up and drop off so you should do it
YANBU - DH has leave and can help.

A day off from work shouldn’t be confused with a day off from YOUR OWN CHILDREN 🙄

Having a penis is exactly what makes you a parent!

It’s a week off work, not a week off being a parent. What a prick.

In my house it literally works 50/50

There are 10 school runs each week, we each do 5. We tend to split morning and evening responsibilities, so if you're on the morning slot with the kids you're responsible for getting them up and fed and out to school. The other one gets to slip out to work whenever it suits ( tend to go early as if you're on afternoon/evening duty the early start is useful work wise). If you have the evening slot with the kids you pick them up from school/after school club, feed them and are responsible for any running around later on that evening re sports.

It's not that revolutionary

He sounds a right peach. I would estimate at least 75% of my annual leave is used to cover childcare. The rest is for family time (summer holiday and Christmas) aside from 1 day I take to wrap Christmas presents so I’m alone that day.
This is the same for my partner. He also has lieu time from Saturday working which is used for child related things.
I do all of the kids drop offs and pick ups. Not because my partner is lazy, just because he works in the city centre and gets the train so logistically it makes sense for me to do it as I drive. In turn he makes tea every night as I’m in later and more often than not does both kids bedtime so he gets to see them a bit more.
I have zero idea why a day off from
work equals no parenting duties. I must look into that

I’ve had to stop going as I’m making 30min round trips to drop off stuff that they NEED but he forgot.

Of course, weaponized incompetence. Tell the school to call HIM. Tell him you can't do it, he has to. He'll soon learn.

In our household is 50-50. He does most mornings and I do evenings, as my work allows flexibility, so I can leave early and work from home after I've dropped DC to various activities. But on evenings when I have plans, he does it. Yes sometimes we take some time off just for ourselves, but neither would then just sit on our arses while the other person is strugging to do it all.

He’s lazy!
I’m on Mat leave. My husband takes our eldest to nursery 4 days a week on his way to work, I pick her up in the afternoon. The other day he got up, got her and himself ready, changed the babies nappy, made her a bottle and brought her into our room, then took the eldest to nursery. The day before he woke me and asked if I would get the eldest ready for nursery as he’d overslept as he hadn’t felt too well. No problem we are a team and have each others backs. I really don’t get why one parent is expected to do more 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Who's in first gets on with dinner or jobs. Who in second looks around sees what needs doing and does both help with kids. Whoever does bedtime other washes and tidies them you both sit down and relax together.

What a useless twat he is. Fucking hell. I can’t believe he thinks he’s in the right.

He needs to be ' leaving ' home, if that's his attitude!
You'd be better off on your own if he doesn't share child responsibilities with you. How nice for your kids growing up knowing that their dad hasn't got time of day for them!

DP works FT, I work PT though right now I’m on mat leave. 2 days a week he commutes so can’t do nursery and I do it all; so 2 days a week even though I could share the load he does it all. Currently divide and conquer the DC bedtimes and do one each. Have his and hers slings to carry the baby places. I do all the breastfeeding and night wakings but he does all the night nappies and household stuff after I go to bed early to survive. We split child sick days equally, both use our annual leave for school holidays equally, etc. I probably do more mental load; he does more physical load. Meals, snacks, changing bag, present for birthday party, £1 for mufti day, etc, all split roughly equally.

If I had a day off where he could, DP would do nursery runs both ways to ensure I got a break (compensation for years of night wakes, feeds, pregnancy); if it’s his day off and his nursery day he’d carry on and do it.

A normal one

Probably not that revolutionary to you, no.
that’s not my life, hence I asked! Genuinely interested in how it works for others, we don’t all have the same experiences

Lazy sod tell him he gets a day off work not a day off parenting, I'd of left the children with him and went to work up to him then if takes them to nursery or keeps them at home.

Wow really wasn’t expecting this much response.
I need to get a bit tougher. Thanks for confirming what I was thinking.

Kick him out.

Also, I love doing school pick up when I’m on annual leave, it’s not something I ever do, so it’s special when I can do it. That’s how he should feel.

Unless he’s suffering mentally or physically then he has no excuse. My husband doesn’t get to take annual leave as he runs his own business and it’s impossible but when our kids were little and he could get annual leave, he absolutely lived for the times he could do the school runs, take them to the park. Sounds like your husband has no gratitude for what he has in life. A hardworking wife and a precious child. When your child’s older he will look back on his selfishness and wish they were little again and he could take them to nursery and give them a kiss goodbye at the door. Time goes by so quick and he’s missing out.

He isn't a partner to you

If everything else was 50/50, fair enough. But it isn't. And I'd expect your days off to be the same but I'm sure they aren't.

My ex (ex!) once took a weeks annual leave so he could watch the Olympics on telly. Day 1, he stayed in his pyjamas, and we got a takeout. Day 2, when I came home from work, he was still in jammies and hadn’t even put the previous day’s dishes in the dishwasher. I went BALLISTIC. And this was pre-kids.

Hes on leave ftom work. Not from his actual life.
Most people use time off to do nice things including spending time with their kids?
Hes selfish and thoughtless imo.

Go to work, leave them all in bed for him to manage

I can’t believe what I’ve just read. Yes it’s awful being a default parent, I struggle because DH always worked away for long periods until recently and I’ve always been the default, and we’re trying to get out of the habit. He now has a job he can’t just up and leave, so I’m still emergency parent. It’s a lot mentally. But I’d rather be on my own than in OPs shoes. It must be so difficult being a single parent, but bet it’s easier to cut off a dead weight like this useless bastard and just DIY

Annual leave is time booked off from work, not time booked off from being a parent. He is unreasonable.

I bet your annual leave is used for childcare/housework/errands/life admin and not days alone