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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To work on the assumption I won’t be able to breastfeed?

168 replies

Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 06:35

When I had my first baby I wanted to breastfeed so followed all the advice and I just couldn’t latch him on. I’m due in 2 weeks: AIBU to just assume it’s probably going to be the same and just buy all the bottle feeding equipment? I’ll give it a go but I’m not really expecting it to work.

OP posts:
Reugny · 09/06/2023 06:38

Did you get any help with trying to get him to latch on?

WaltzingWaters · 09/06/2023 06:39

Different for everyone. My friend couldn’t get a good supply with her first, but was fine with bf her second. Go in with an open mind. Don’t be disappointed/stress too much if it doesn’t happen. But give it a good go, it may be completely different this time.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 09/06/2023 06:40

Morning! From personal and lots of professional experience as a mw and HV I would say that no two BF experiences are the same; it is v much down to the baby in many respects. Some just take longer to learn it.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 09/06/2023 06:40

Breastfeeding involves both you and baby learning how to do it. Also your first may have had a tongue tie where they could not latch no matter how hard you both tried. I would not assume you cannot breastfeed.

Dontsparethehorses · 09/06/2023 06:41

Breastfeeding doesn’t always come naturally- often takes effort at first. If you are happy to try and move to bottles if it doesn’t work straight away that is fine. It means it is more likely that you won’t breastfeed. If you want to breastfeed and decide you would prefer this then my advice is don’t expect it to fail. Try and surround yourself with people to go to who can advise (la leche league for example) . If it still doesn’t work then you know you can move into formula but it’s a slightly different mindset

DappledThings · 09/06/2023 06:41

I needed loads of help with DC1. Multiple positions, lots of help from midwives. Took ages to work out how to get him latched then once we'd cracked that it was fine.

DC2 I held her vaguely near my breastfeeding and she popped herself on at 15 minutes old and just got on with it herself. So you never know. They're all different.

TheGoogleMum · 09/06/2023 06:41

I did that- got perfect prep and formula ready. DC2 has the hang of it though and we are breastfeeding! Over 2months in and going strong. DH has given him an occasional bottle as we have the stuff in but he has just breastmilk most days. I am glad I was prepared in case he didn't do it though. Maybe try not to spend too much money just in case (we only bought 1 tub of formula for example)

Original poster
Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 06:41

Had a tongue tie snipped, although it wasn’t that bad. Had some help but it wasn’t very helpful and just lost confidence.

OP posts:
PepeParapluie · 09/06/2023 06:44

You could still try if you want to - each baby is different and so this baby may be able to latch more easily. You could also seek advice from a lactation consultant if you’re able to, or there are some breastfeeding groups on social media where the admins will help via photos or video chat with latching for free, so that might help. If you want to give it a go again, there’s no harm in trying and you might be surprised!

I had bottles in the house in case I couldn’t breastfeed, but no formula (not sure why!) and that was a good thing for me as there were a few times in the early days/ weeks where I had a tough night and would probably have given up if the formula has been there. 6 months in im glad now that I’m still breastfeeding, so I’m glad that temptation wasn’t there when it was hard! Of course if I’d really wanted to switch, we could have picked up formula from somewhere very easily.

Hugasauras · 09/06/2023 06:44

Babies can be very different. My first DD couldn't latch at all for first six weeks. My second DD was feeding before we even left the operating theatre. If it's something important to you, then make sure to ask for help and support as much as you can.

SpareHeirOverThere · 09/06/2023 06:45

Being prepared for either outcome is always wise.

In all honesty, do you really want to breastfeed? If so, it may go much more smoothly this time, different baby and perhaps better support. I would not assume it will go the same way.

If you don't particularly want to bf, no worries. You don't even have to try if you would prefer not to.

Congratulations! May the birth be quick and painless. :)

Original poster
Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 06:48

It was very important to me @Hugasauras . But it still didn’t work. I spent a fortune and so much time trying last time, and it was pointless. I’ll try but if he or she doesn’t latch then that’s that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 06:49

I do want to @SpareHeirOverThere but I don’t want to spend so much time and money on it. Especially when it probably won’t work anyway.

OP posts:
wildfirewonder · 09/06/2023 06:49

I think keeping an open mind is the way to go, if you actually want to breastfeed. It is OK to not want to.

Wrongsideofpennines · 09/06/2023 06:51

I know a couple of people who couldn't breastfeed with their first for whatever reason but their 2nd baby latched straight away. I think its different for each birth and each baby.

110APiccadilly · 09/06/2023 06:52

Nothing wrong with getting bottles and stuff in so you're prepared.

However, DD1 took a few days to get the hang of breastfeeding. DD2 was feeding happily within an hour of birth. The only thing I did differently for DD2 was that I expressed some colostrum ahead of birth (which she hardly needed, she fed so well!) You're the same person both times round, your baby isn't.

On the other hand, if you don't want to breastfeed and just want to bypass the stress, potentially triggering memories of trying with your first child, and so on, then formula is a perfectly good option for feeding your baby.

Twiglets1 · 09/06/2023 06:53

Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 06:49

I do want to @SpareHeirOverThere but I don’t want to spend so much time and money on it. Especially when it probably won’t work anyway.

Just buy the bare minimum of equipment and see how it goes? You can easily buy more if necessary.

Your second experience of breastfeeding may be quite different. As another PP has said, it can be very easy. I never understood all the breastfeeding diagrams when pregnant and was unsure how it would actually work. But I also just hovered the baby in the vague direction of my breast and she latched on like a Pro.

ArdeteiMasazxu · 09/06/2023 06:56

It will be different for each baby. Your new baby may have a different length of tongue or something else, gives this baby a stronger latch.

You know this time that you may need extra help. Use a bit of googling to find volunteers in your area and get things set up so that they are expecting you call when the baby comes and can give you the help you need when you need it.

There's no need to buy stuff now on the assumption that it won't work. If you need it, shops will be open when the time comes, but having a positive mindset and an expectation of success can make a real difference. However don't be ashamed if it doesn't work out again - your baby will be fine either way.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 09/06/2023 06:58

Was even worse second time for me. I bought a very expensive double electric pump to help and that was a waste of money.
I wasn't prepared for it not working as everyone told me it would be fine second time. I struggled to even get the colostrum into him.

Kiwano · 09/06/2023 07:02

Why do you need to buy stuff in for bottle feeding? Don't you still have it from your first child?

CoalCraft · 09/06/2023 07:07

My first latched but wouldn't suckle at the breast so was bottle fed expressed milk, then formula. My second was ebf to 6 months. They're all different.

Original poster
Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 07:10

Kiwano · 09/06/2023 07:02

Why do you need to buy stuff in for bottle feeding? Don't you still have it from your first child?

Quite a lot of it has seen better days. The perfect prep machine is probably still OK but we chucked the steriliser when we moved and will need new bottles and teats. Plus actual formula, of course.

The main thing is that I don’t want extra support as I’ve no confidence it will work and is just very upsetting when it doesn’t. So if I can’t latch him or her on in hospital, bottles it is.

OP posts:
SaffieSoph · 09/06/2023 07:14

Both my children were different. First child was tounge-tie and couldn't latch. I paid two consultants to assist and it didn't work. I was so deflated and in hindsight I wish I hadn't been so hard on myself. I told myself it would be the same for my second - it was totally different. My second child came out and latched straight away. It turned out she were also tounge-tie so I got her snipped but she continued to feed. I didn't realise there were different types of tounge-tie.
Every child is different. Although I think it helped that I kept the pressure off second time round.

I would buy the minimum equipment just in case.

eatingsaladinthesun · 09/06/2023 07:14

My first couldn't bf, he ended up back in hospital cos I was trying to feed him but he just couldn't do it and then didn't eat for a few days. I thought I would try to bc my second and was able to, it's worth a try if you want to bc.

Nicecow · 09/06/2023 07:16

BF is really difficult for some people and can take a few weeks, I wanted to give up every day then I got to about 3 weeks and suddenly it just worked. I would take a positive attitude because if you think it won't happen, it's likely not to. Also look up some resources incase you need them. I did a BF course while I was pregnant, I think if I hadn't done that and had information and known what to expect (ie it would be hard!) I probably would have given up in a couple of days. There's no reason that you won't be able to BF with yoir second, arm yourself with some resources. All the best Flowers