To work on the assumption I won’t be able to breastfeed?

[Woodentoyshurt]

When I had my first baby I wanted to breastfeed so followed all the advice and I just couldn’t latch him on. I’m due in 2 weeks: AIBU to just assume it’s probably going to be the same and just buy all the bottle feeding equipment? I’ll give it a go but I’m not really expecting it to work.

It may be easier with this baby, every baby is different.

We never managed to establish breastfeeding with DC1. He just wouldn’t latch on at all. I ended up expressing breastmilk for him to drink in bottles until we started weaning.

Completely different story with DC2 & DC3. We had some initial problems because they were jaundiced, but once the jaundice cleared up they both took to breastfeeding like ducks to water. Both of them were breastfed for over 2 years.
The difference in breastfeeding experiences wasn’t down to anything I did. Just different babies.

And that 6 weeks thing people are talking about upthread! The first 6 weeks breastfeeding either DC2 or DC3 was infinitely easier than any of the trying to breastfeed DC1 - because DC2 and DC3 were both actively latching and trying to feed, and DC1 just wouldn’t latch or do more than one or two half hearted sucks!

I always say the same if I’d had my 2nd baby first I would have given up with breast feeding, it was an awful start with baby number 2, but knowing how convenient it was I really didn’t want to give up!

My first son struggled and we really didn't get the hang of it for a couple weeks. My daughter was in NICU for three days so I couldn't even try at first, but once out she latched on snd did not let go!
Kids are different. Give it a go but don't put yourself down if it doesn't work out.

My first crawled to the breast after birth and fed exactly like he was supposed to. We had a few issues (mostly him never wanting to be off me) but fed completely on demand for 18m. I was entirely convinced I was a pro breastfeeder and it was down to all the prep work I'd done and the positive attitude I had to it.

I did the exact same process with DS2 and he never latched. I tried every single position, buzzedthe midwives, got support from an IBCLC etc etc etc. I knew my nipples were a functional shape and I was expressing and had gallons of milk. He was assessed for tongue tie multiple times most said he didn't have it one eventually did at 6 weeks but said it had stretched and wouldn't have prevented him for latching.

So to me sometimes it just doesn't work out with some babies. He's 3 now and incredibly strong willed so I'm convinced it was a conscious decision on his part! Just because baby no 1 never latched isn't a guarantee baby no 2 won't but I don't think its the worst idea to have a few bits set up at home.

Every baby is different my first was difficult but we got there after 6 weeks, the 2nd we had no bonding time as he went to icu straight to being fed through nose….but when given the chance latched on and fed like a pro and was great no issues. Third child was horrendous and it took 3 months before things settled down and were easy. So although some experience on mothers part can be useful you will ever get the same baby to feed and it’s certainly worth trying!

That six week thing is very upsetting actually. It is clear that some people think I was breastfeeding during that time but found it painful, or tiring. I genuinely don’t know how else I can explain I couldn’t breastfeed! He just wasn’t latching on at all. Likewise, I didn’t exactly ‘give up’ with breastfeeding. I mean yeah, there comes a point where you stop trying but …

I think this has made me realise it is actually still upsetting and in many ways easier to assume formula from the get go.

Well that's where you're going wrong, it's an actual skill that both you and the baby need to learn. You wouldn't just get into a car and expect to know how to drive. Some might manage it out. Most will need lessons, some might even need driving gloves, a pillow on the seat or to change the steering wheel

If your first baby had a tongue tie then it was nothing that you had done wrong to mean he couldn’t feed. If this baby doesn’t have a tounge tie then you will have a much easier time.

One of the mums in my birth group did not manage to feed her first baby but her second is feeding really well. Support during lockdown was rubbish but is better now.

My best friend struggled for months with her first baby and she decided to formula feed her second baby from the start. It was the right choice for her as she was much less stressed. The mum who was before me when I had my caesarean brought the little pre made bottles of formula with her to hospital as she knew she didn’t want to try again with breastfeeding. You have to do what is right for you.

Not really, I managed to BF one of my children (of 3). He couldn’t latch at first but I expressed but I expressed and tried him on the breast a month later and he latched and I fed him for 8 months

It seems the ability to breastfeed and the ability to read aren’t synonymous.

I could not feed my first. Scottish midwife said "Ye have nae the boozooms for it!" ... cheeky cow.

However I fed the next 2 babes till they were 12 months with no hint of a problem. So do give it a go ... I found it so much more convenient ... and pleasurable.

Rude.

Lol

Yes, it was rude. But how many times do you think someone should type the same thing politely, @SoupDragon ?

People are trying to help you, everyone here can read thank you.

What people are saying is that most people have 6 miserable first weeks where they struggle to get their baby to latch. It's a rare baby that knows what it's doing from the outset.

We know you didn't try for 6 weeks so who knows if you would have been able to if you had.

If you don't want to bf then don't, no one cares how you feed your baby. If it will help your mental health not to put yourself through establishing bf after pregnancy and birth then just don't do it!

Just because you couldn't the first time doesnt mean you won't be able to this time. Stacey Solomon couldn't until her Rose was born and she had 3 before that.

Have you thought about Combi feeding? Both breast and bottle? That way you can plan to do both and if breast doesnt work out you can bottle feed and have everything in the house

Also I didn't want to breast feed I bottle fed totally my own choice but I did find there seemed to be lots of support for breast feeding mums in my local area.

So. One more time before I leave the thread to sink into the dregs of MN and go and Iine the profits of Cow and Gate.

I could not breastfeed. I tried, but I could not latch my baby on.

It did not hurt, because I could not do it.

It was not hard to get through the first six weeks, because I could not do it.

I didn’t find it inconvenient, because I could not do it.

I went to see a lactation consultant (£200) bought a very expensive breast pump (£300) shared my post birth boobs and body with far too many FB groups, tried nipple shields, had midwives coming out.

It didn’t work. I couldn’t get the baby to latch on. I think about seven seconds was the longest we managed.

Of course, no one believes you and thinks you just didn’t try hard enough and on top of that, I get called rude 😂

It might be worth trying but I don’t know … I’m not feeling great about it all, to be honest.

Are your breasts very large? All the advice was rubbish as mine are large, but when I discovered rugby ball hold it was a dream.

@PizzaPizza56 … they aren’t reading, it wasn’t ‘a struggle’ to get the baby to latch, as in, it was difficult but we managed in the end. It just wasn’t happening. Seriously, we ended up back in hospital with a feeding plan, which involved formula, pumping and then attempting to breastfeed. Only the first two worked. I can’t go through that again. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, no one is listening 😂

How long did you try for? It took 3 weeks for DD to learn to latch. After that it was plain sailing and I fed her for 2 years.

No, not really, just average. Anyway, no breastfeeding advice please.

I hear what you’re saying OP. I recently did a qualification in breastfeeding and some of what you seem to be saying came up a lot.

Every single one of us on the course had a difficult breastfeeding journey with at least 1 child. All of us. The course talked about the biological norm and common challenges etc. the hardest part of the course wasn’t the academic side, but the processing of our own emotions. For all of us there were topics we touched on where we either though ‘gosh I should have done that’ or ‘why didn’t I do that’ or ‘if only that had happened’ etc. Quite often it came down to us having lacked the support we needed (most participants had a lockdown baby)

it sounds as if you have lots of emotions from your first baby. Perhaps going to a breastfeeding group and talking through that with the peer supporters would help. They are all trained to listen and it might help you to make your next choice.

it’s often said that choices made from a place of fear can be those we regret the most. If you’ve dealt with some of the fear and are making a choice from a place of calm and information, it will most likely be the right one for you and your family.

I'm struggling to understand what you managed to spend hundreds of pounds on when trying to breastfeed. So much of the basic equipment and supplies is free.

The comments on here are very upsetting @Twizbe . I don’t want to go to a breastfeeding group, thanks, it would be more upsetting in person. The message I’m getting is that I just didn’t try hard enough, and I’m genuinely not sure what else I could have done. I’m not willing to put in that level of effort this time, apart from anything else I can’t just ignore my first child’s needs while I try to breastfeed the second.

Sorry, didn't realise you didn't want any advice. I struggled for 5 weeks and remember sitting up crying my eyes out when I discovered the different hold. There was no proper latch before this, so I thought it may be a helpful suggestion. I was at the end of my journey, I thought.