Page 7 | To work on the assumption I won’t be able to breastfeed?

SerafinasGoose · 09/06/2023 12:15

kikisparks · 09/06/2023 12:13

People obviously don’t understand what did not latch means, it’s not about struggling with cluster feeding, I’m sure I’d have preferred that instead of 4 times a night going downstairs, making a bottle of formula up, cooling it, coming upstairs, feeding baby, settling baby back to sleep, going downstairs, getting pump parts out of steriliser, attaching all pump parts together and plugging in, pumping for 15 mins, putting small amount of expressed milk into containers and into fridge, taking pump back apart, washing pump and bottle, putting it all in steriliser then going back to bed and trying and often failing to fall asleep before baby woke again in about an hour. At least with cluster feeding I could have stayed in bed.

And other people obviously don't understand - or haven't read the original post - that the question OP was asking people to answer here was: AIBU to just assume it’s probably going to be the same and just buy all the bottle feeding equipment?

The answer to which is: no, it's not necessarily going to be the same, but here are some other issues which might arise which are as well to bear in mind if you want to maximize your chances of success.

HTH.

SpareHeirOverThere · 09/06/2023 12:39

You didn't fail the first time, OP. It didn't work out, but that's not a failure.

Your goal - every parent's goal - was to feed your baby the best way you could. You did that just fine. You will do so again.

Since you would ideally like to bf, give it a go and see what happens. I suspect that you will have a very different experience, and based on that you may want to seek help and advice to improve the latch and your comfort. The first attempts may not be wholly, perfectly successful, but will be so different that it may make you want to continue.

I see your point about not wanting to queue up to YouTube vids and the breastfeeding groups right now. You don't need to. Seek advice where and when you need to, once you see what it's like with your new baby.

Original poster

Woodentoyshurt · 09/06/2023 13:09

To be honest I have never personally experienced any pressure to breastfeed. It was the opposite - I found the second we ran into problems out came the formula. It is quite upsetting though to make a thread like this and then have people say ‘well the help is there but you have to ask for it.’ I did, and still had no joy. I’m really not willing to go through it all a second time, it very quickly goes sour.

OP posts:

BeverlyBrook · 09/06/2023 13:14

Subsequent babies frequently find breastfeeding easier than first babies, as your body is geared up to producing milk. And the birth is not as much as a shock for you.
So id say give it a go, see if you can get baby latched on. But you have a back up plan. Sounds ideal. Good luck!

MooMa83 · 09/06/2023 13:45

I don't think that anyway you chose to feed your baby, or however you go about this is ever going to be unreasonable....it is whatever is best for you and your baby and wider family. It sounds like what was particularly upsetting for you last time was all the time, effort and mental energy expended into trying to make breastfeeding work, when it didn't work out anyway? And that maybe not putting yourself through all this would have meant you could have relaxed and enjoyed your baby more? Apologies if I've misconstrued this. If breastfeeding doesn't click straight away, as often it doesn't, I think it's just a decision about whether the chance of successfully breastfeeding again is worth going through those same motions. I had a similar experience with my first and for me with my second it was worth it, and we are successfully breastfeeding 8 months in. For you that may not be the right decision, and no that is not unreasonable at all. Congratulations in advance and best of luck.

CecilyP · 09/06/2023 14:18

Newnamenewname109870 · 09/06/2023 11:56

In the nicest way possible NHS are useless as this. Pay for a lactation consultant - they’re everywhere. Also a really high percentage of babies have tongue ties. It’s actually rare for it to be impossible. Look on your Fb group for someone who can do this.

Did you not read OP's previous post where she said;

I went to see a lactation consultant (£200) bought a very expensive breast pump (£300) shared my post birth boobs and body with far too many FB groups, tried nipple shields, had midwives coming out.

Mischance · 09/06/2023 23:20

It is interesting that breast feeding can be so problematical when "in the wild" it would have been breast milk or die. It does seem a bit of a design fault that babies are not hard wired to latch on. Other newborn mammals get stuck in within moments of birth.

I guess some sort of mechanical delivery might cause a problem.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/06/2023 23:42

Mischance · 09/06/2023 23:20

It is interesting that breast feeding can be so problematical when "in the wild" it would have been breast milk or die. It does seem a bit of a design fault that babies are not hard wired to latch on. Other newborn mammals get stuck in within moments of birth.

I guess some sort of mechanical delivery might cause a problem.

True, same with natural birth. Although probably mortality would be much higher, it would be interesting to see some research from 100 years ago. Perhaps other mothers would also share their breast milk.
In saying that, babies are born to latch on. Have you seen videos of the 'crawl'. If left on their own a baby will inch towards its mother's breast and latch on after it has been born, it takes a few hours. I did this when my baby was born (a speeded up version). It's quite amazing to see.

littlefirecar · 09/06/2023 23:51

I know its unpopular to say but pretty much everyone 'can' breastfeed so long as you have milk and a baby .

It sounds like with your first you didn't get the right help (you might have needed more hands on support to get you DC latching or they could have had tounge tie)

CecilyP · 10/06/2023 00:24

True, same with natural birth. Although probably mortality would be much higher, it would be interesting to see some research from 100 years ago. Perhaps other mothers would also share their breast milk.

100 years ago was 1923, not the dark ages! Commercially produced infant milks were already available. Failing that, diluted cows milk with some added sugar was an acceptable alternative, though most mothers would have used powdered products for convenience. Only the aristocracy, or similarly wealthy, would have been able to afford a wet nurse.

JandalsAlways · 10/06/2023 00:28

CecilyP · 10/06/2023 00:24

True, same with natural birth. Although probably mortality would be much higher, it would be interesting to see some research from 100 years ago. Perhaps other mothers would also share their breast milk.

100 years ago was 1923, not the dark ages! Commercially produced infant milks were already available. Failing that, diluted cows milk with some added sugar was an acceptable alternative, though most mothers would have used powdered products for convenience. Only the aristocracy, or similarly wealthy, would have been able to afford a wet nurse.

Sorry, 100 years ago seems like a long time ago to me! 🤣

CecilyP · 10/06/2023 00:30

It sounds like with your first you didn't get the right help (you might have needed more hands on support to get you DC latching or they could have had tounge tie)

Do you think OP’s lactation consultant at £200 a pop, probably ripped her off? Do you think her tongue tie snipper just did a bad job?

Nicecow · 10/06/2023 00:32

CecilyP · 10/06/2023 00:30

It sounds like with your first you didn't get the right help (you might have needed more hands on support to get you DC latching or they could have had tounge tie)

Do you think OP’s lactation consultant at £200 a pop, probably ripped her off? Do you think her tongue tie snipper just did a bad job?

Tbh, I think OP said her baby didn't latch for more than 7 seconds, so yes I think her lactation consultant did an extremely poor job!

Twiglets1 · 10/06/2023 07:35

littlefirecar · 09/06/2023 23:51

I know its unpopular to say but pretty much everyone 'can' breastfeed so long as you have milk and a baby .

It sounds like with your first you didn't get the right help (you might have needed more hands on support to get you DC latching or they could have had tounge tie)

OPs baby did have tongue tie when born, that is stated if you look at her posts.

booksforever · 10/06/2023 08:05

First baby struggled to latch on, moved to bottles after 3 weeks, second, not at all interested. Third time, breech, cesarian section, then special care where she was given a bottle, bought to me at visiting time for a feed and went straight on! Never had a bottle and wouldn't accept a dummy , so you never know. As others have said, all babies are different. Good luck and don't stress either way.

Scirocco · 10/06/2023 08:29

@Woodentoyshurt I think your plan sounds really reasonable - to give it a go but not put your mental health at risk pushing to do something if it's not happening.

kikisparks · 10/06/2023 13:11

littlefirecar · 09/06/2023 23:51

I know its unpopular to say but pretty much everyone 'can' breastfeed so long as you have milk and a baby .

It sounds like with your first you didn't get the right help (you might have needed more hands on support to get you DC latching or they could have had tounge tie)

OP paid for a lactation consultant and had baby’s tongue tie cut.

kikisparks · 10/06/2023 13:16

MooMa83 · 09/06/2023 13:45

I don't think that anyway you chose to feed your baby, or however you go about this is ever going to be unreasonable....it is whatever is best for you and your baby and wider family. It sounds like what was particularly upsetting for you last time was all the time, effort and mental energy expended into trying to make breastfeeding work, when it didn't work out anyway? And that maybe not putting yourself through all this would have meant you could have relaxed and enjoyed your baby more? Apologies if I've misconstrued this. If breastfeeding doesn't click straight away, as often it doesn't, I think it's just a decision about whether the chance of successfully breastfeeding again is worth going through those same motions. I had a similar experience with my first and for me with my second it was worth it, and we are successfully breastfeeding 8 months in. For you that may not be the right decision, and no that is not unreasonable at all. Congratulations in advance and best of luck.

“It sounds like what was particularly upsetting for you last time was all the time, effort and mental energy expended into trying to make breastfeeding work, when it didn't work out anyway? And that maybe not putting yourself through all this would have meant you could have relaxed and enjoyed your baby more?” I can’t speak for the OP but for me this sums it up perfectly.