To work on the assumption I won’t be able to breastfeed?

[Woodentoyshurt]

When I had my first baby I wanted to breastfeed so followed all the advice and I just couldn’t latch him on. I’m due in 2 weeks: AIBU to just assume it’s probably going to be the same and just buy all the bottle feeding equipment? I’ll give it a go but I’m not really expecting it to work.

I think that's fair enough. Try it in hospital and see if it works much easier this time. The baby should latch on quickly if it's going to be easy, though you may not have any actual milk for a day or two. Doesn't matter, the suckling is what stimulates the production of milk.

If it doesn't work, no need to feel guilty. Just enjoy your baby.

I wouldn't buy anything as you can get stuff really quickly if you need to, and they have formula/bottles in the hospital if you need them. I had an open mind with my second, as bf didn't work out with my first. We had to combi feed on the end anyway due to baby weight loss, and we have been combi feeding for 8 months now (she has formula before bed and for one bottle feed overnight). So it's not an all or nothing situation. This took the pressure off for me. Just take each feed as it comes, as every drop of breastmilk counts! You don't have to spend money on help with breastfeeding...la leche league and my local breastfeeding group was really helpful. I'd advise going to a group before baby arrives. I also had to use nipple shields initially to help with latch, and this saved my breastfeeding journey (we got off them around 6 weeks). Good luck!

Good luck with it if its what you want to do. Please have faith on yourself. Naturally we'd be breastfeeding on our side or reclined. Traditionally we'd have seen breastfeeding for years in our families and may even have a DS or SiL doing it at the same time. Modern society doesn't make it the easiest. Don't beat yourself up xxxx

Is it worth looking at some videos or reading something like the Positive Breastfeeding book (not read it but read the birth one which I liked) before you have a screaming baby in front of you? Have you had stuff from your midwife yet about hand expressing colostrum from 36 weeks?

All the best with however you feed your baby.

Biggest success factor in BFing is maternal confidence.

If you don't think it's going to work before you've even tried I don't see you lasting long tbh.

I can fully understand this. I tried unsuccessfully for 5 weeks to breastfeed, I sought help from so many places and a lot of the help that others highly recommended was no use at all, I was in tears about it so much, felt like a failure, broke myself pumping every few hours for months and looking back the newborn stage would have been 100x better if I’d just given bf a try for a day or so and then when it didn’t work just gone guilt free to formula. I’m one and done but if was going to have a second child then that’s what I’d do.

I think this is what I mean, I’m reluctant to set myself up to fail by watching videos and so on. Either it works, great, or it doesn’t, so I just accept I can’t and move on.

I pumped as well @kikisparks but I just can’t this time, not with a toddler to look after as well. It’s really upsetting when people tel you to seek support but when you have and it still doesn’t work, you feel like saying well what now? I just don’t want to be spending hundreds of pounds and investing so much time and energy in it again. Either it works easily - in which case great - or it doesn’t work, but if it doesn’t work I’m not going to keep trying I suppose.

Had the same with my first, my second is now 4 months and we are just starting to move over to formula mainly because I just want my body back to be honest. This time around I watched lots of YouTube videos, had nipple shields with me at the hospital (Medela were best for me) and I kept ringing the buzzer every time she was rooting to get help. Basically, every time the baby opens its mouth wide slam it's face onto your nipple, they do get the hang of it and so do you 🤣👍🏻 Be prepared for it to really hurt at points over the first few weeks while your nipples toughen up. Feed, lanisoh cream and air dry. Be prepared to basically have your tits hanging out for a month

That sounds like a plan. Try it and see and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

@violetcuriosity have a re read and a little think. Sigh.

A HV told me that for most women bf isn't a great experience for the first 6 weeks but that something clicks in week 6 and it gets easier.

If you start thinking you're going to fail then you're unlikely to stick to the willpower needed to get through those first tough 6 weeks.

If you really want to do it, keep asking for loads of help and join local bf groups. Don't expect the help and support to just be handed out, you have to reach out and say that you need help.

Except I wasn’t breastfeeding for six weeks, because I couldn’t breastfeed. So that’s not actually what I’m about here. Out of interest, when I say I tried last time, what do people think that looks like? Do people think I tried to get my baby to latch once, then gave up? That will probably happen this time, but not last time, I really did try.

I breastfed both mine successfully, but DC2 was wayyyyy easier despite being born earlier. He was a little barracuda who was born knowing exactly what he wanted and what to do.

Keep an open mind is my advice.

Agree with this. I went into it planning to get through six weeks, unless it absolutely wasn't working, knowing that was the hard part. DS had tongue tie and kept breaking suction in the early weeks. Don't set yourself up to fail from the start.

My first wouldn't latch and as he was born due to the pandemic I was offered no support and was given a pump, I then exclusively pumped for 13 months.
My seccond I made it aware to every midwife I saw and health visitor that I really want to breastfeed and want support if needed, the midwifes at the hospital were amazing helping me latch whenever I pressed the buzzer. I also didn't bring any formula to the hospital the seccond time round, whereas I did with my first and the midwife was qwick to take it out and feed my baby. I also spoke to my midwife before giving birth and she supplied me with numbers to private tounge tie clinics (my first had a tounge tie which the NHS were very slow on procedures to cut) she also gave me numbers for breastfeeding support, information on groups in my area and my health visitor came to my home a few times in the early days to support.

Personaly for me knowing what support was available and having support arround me made a HUGE difference with my breastfeeding journey and I'm still breastfeeding him now at 11 months old

I would be prepared for it not to work. Not because it can't but because you have bottle fed a baby before. I know lots of people say breastfeeding is easier, and it is for our and about etc once it's established, but establishing it is the hard part. Bottle feeding in the early days is just easier - other people can help and it's just a bit of extra washing up in reality, I think once you have done that once it's probably hard not to do it again.

My experience was similar to you - I tried for six weeks with my first but he just wouldn't latch at all (flat nipples for me, tongue tie for him) so I exclusively expressed and that's horrendous, so ended up with formula at six weeks. Didn't even try with my second. With my third I tried again and had more success (her tongue toe was cut earlier) but ultimately ended up stopping at six weeks because it was just too demanding for me.

My view was that if it worked it worked, but i always needed shields and found the whole thing stressful and upsetting. I had no objection to formula (presume you don't either) so it was just easier to do that.

Anyway that was a bit longwinded but I would get a basics in just in case but try breastfeeding and hope for a pleasant surprise.

Why do you think it will happen this time? Have you been told there is something wrong? Otherwise, it's a completely different baby so I wouldn't expect the same.

Despite being bottle fed in NICU for a few days, DC1 had no problem at all breast feeding - it just came naturally to both of us. I really enjoyed it - so easy, nothing to prepare, so easy to travel. Great excuse to sit on the sofa and watch telly!

DC2 didn't read the manual. Firstly, it was really painful. I'd managed labour with no drugs but had to take paracetamol to cope with the pain of BF. 10lb baby but didn't feed very often so I was engorged most of the time (that wasn't supposed to happen "your body will only produce what the baby needs"!) If I hadn't had such a positive experience first time, I would have given up. It is worth persevering though as it's so much less faff.

As PPs say, they're all different.

I had a terrible first few weeks with my first born trying to breast feed. Tbh I’d had a very traumatic labour and delivery. Baby had head injury from forceps so was in pain, I had lots of stitches so was in pain, big baby too so hungry . I just look back on those first few weeks and it was completely miserable because I couldn’t feed, he was constantly crying, I got mastitis. But I wouldn’t give up until in the end in the middle of the night whilst I was crying, baby was screaming as was clearly hungry, after attempting to pump and just blood came out, my husband drove to 24hr shop and bought some formula and made the decision that I was pressurising myself not to make.

second baby I made it very clear from the off that I was going to do first feed following delivery then she was going to be formular fed. I told all midwives. When she was born she latched straight on and fed for an hour, the midwives tried to persuade me to carry on but I had made my decision and it was like a weight had been lifted, those first few weeks were gorgeous for me. Would the breast feeding have worked ? Maybe but I don’t regret it.

so I think you have to do what is right for you and do not feel you are letting anyone down. If I could go back I wouldn’t have tried so long with my first if at all xxxx

My first couldn't latch either. Before my second I watched videos and read loads, but I needn't have bothered. She went for it immediately after birth and knew exactly what to do, despite having a tongue tie (chopped at 4 days). If you really want to breastfeed, do some heavy research, maybe have a lactation consultant number at hand. If you're not that bothered then stock up on bottles :)

My first breastfed without any issues. My second couldn't really get the hang of it until he was 4 months (!) old. It was nothing to do with me and all to do with him - high palate, tongue tie, weak suction etc. It's entirely possible it was similar for your first child. So if you ask me, YAB a bit U to assume it definitely won't work but at the same time, do whatever feels right to you! If assuming it won't work puts you in a better frame of mind for dealing with it then go for it.

Either way, enjoy your new little bundle of joy once they've made an appearance ❤️

I wouldn’t rule it out no. With my first baby, he latched immediately and BF was a breeze. I fed him with absolutely no problems at all for well over a year. I assumed it would be the same with my 2nd but after having a CS my milk didn’t come in for days and the constant, and I mean constant, suckling made me really sore. Her latch was all wrong and it took a few weeks to get right with her. It was weeks of nipple shields and tears from me until it all settled down, coupled with everyone telling me to give her a bottle etc. once sorted though it was plain sailing from there on. Baby number 3 was not interested at all in feeding. I had to constantly wake him for feeds and When he did latch on it felt weird because I’d only stopped breastfeeding my daughter about a month before he was born. He wasn’t like my other two who were permanently attached to me, I always felt like he wasn’t getting enough and it was a real learning curve despite being my 3rd baby. My point is every experience is different so get as much advice and support as you can. Best of luck to you .

Gah - I hate to be that "did you try" guy, but did you try nipple shields? I wouldn't have been able to breast feed without them - even the lactation experts at the hospital couldn't get my daughter to latch on. Have had friends with the same experience. Not all brands worked though - I remember one was too soft and kept falling off. The Avent brand worked well for me.

Each baby is different - even my twins were different. My daughter was a very lazy feeder who would only feed with her brother as she couldn’t figure out how to get a ‘let down’ - she would have struggled on her own.

He had twice the feeds she did and still eats twice as much aged 8!

My first wouldn't or couldn't breastfeed properly. It probably didn't help that he had been given a bottle by the midwife before bring brought to me after the birth, so had already learned the 'wrong' technique!
(This was in the early 1980s, and he was born in an outdated maternity hospital where the midwives ruled, and all the new mums stayed in hospital for at least a week.)
Anyway, after a few days of struggling to breastfeed him, the midwives said his weight was dropping too much and I should exclusively bottle feed him, so that was that.

Two years later, my second child was born in another hospital and I breastfed him as soon as he was born and he took to it like a duck to water. Latched on perfectly, and continued without a single hitch. It was a lovely experience.

In other words, OP, it is well worth trying again with your new baby. Good luck 🤞