To work on the assumption I won’t be able to breastfeed?

[Woodentoyshurt]

When I had my first baby I wanted to breastfeed so followed all the advice and I just couldn’t latch him on. I’m due in 2 weeks: AIBU to just assume it’s probably going to be the same and just buy all the bottle feeding equipment? I’ll give it a go but I’m not really expecting it to work.

Also we bought the bottles on Amazon but didn't open the package, so we can return them if need be!

DD1 didn't latch at all for six weeks, then didn't feed properly from me till she was 12 weeks so I pumped. It was hard work but ultimately was rewarding as she ended up feeding from me till beyond a year. She just needed to grow as her mouth was really tiny and tight.

DD2 latched on when we were still in the operating theatre post section, she had absolutely no issues with latch. Midwife said she had a textbook latch!

But you might be anywhere in that spectrum with your second so you just have to to figure out what's important to you and what extent you want to try things. I had an amazing private LC with both of mine who was worth her weight in gold, and it was one of the best £100 I had ever spent. As long as you're happy with your decision that's what matters.

Honestly I did the same. I couldn’t with my first as I didn’t have any supply and the same has happened (possibly due to stress and my medication) with my second. Always better to have it and not need it than not have it and need it.

With DC1 I tried so hard to bf, it took 12 weeks before we established breastfeeding. Initially I was expressing and bottle feeding because she just couldn’t latch. Tongue tie cut, lactation consultant, midwives, the works. In the end I did manage with shields until she was big enough to latch without. After that feeding was fine, but it was one of the toughest things I’ve done, establishing breastfeeding with my first child. I realise that’s a different situation from you, and I was luckier.

However, when I was pregnant again I did exactly what you are doing now, I said that it DC2 couldn’t latch straight away I wasn’t putting myself through all that again. Like you, I felt it would be impossible to do all that again. I seriously look back on it and think I was a bit mad! And to consider all that again, with a toddler?! Nope. It was like I was preparing myself to fail and almost hoping that I would be able to say oh well it didn’t work out and then try bottles.

As it happened, DC2 latched within just a few minutes of being born and bf was a breeze. I’ve really enjoyed a lot of it this time round, especially as a newborn. And she was born by ELCS which didn’t cause any problems. So, it might be totally different for you this time around! In my experience apparently it was the baby, not me, that was the ‘problem’. However, from your post it doesn’t really sound like you want to breastfeed this time, and that is totally fine, no justification needed.

@Hugasauras sounds like we had really similar experiences!

@AnnaTortoiseshell Gosh your experience is exactly the same as mine almost! I've never met anyone with the exact same experience before!

Ha, crosspost!

100% agree.
I'm glad you're getting some lovely comments, OP.
Ignore the vote, you're not being unreasonable. It's not possible for a mum to be unresonable with her baby feeding, because every mum's journey is unique, and hers alone. And any reason she has for doing what she does is good enough.
"Fed is best." I love that.

I get that.

When breastfeeding, there’s a massive difference between dealing with a newborn baby who just won’t, for whatever reason, and dealing with a newborn baby who’s demanding to be breastfed every few hours, or who’s not latching quite right when they’re actively feeding, or who’ll only breastfeed when held in a certain position.

The second sort of baby can make the first 6 weeks tough, but it’s still possible to get through that.

The first sort of baby - well, what are you meant to do when a baby just won’t breastfeed, no matter what you try? In the end, we came down to a choice between bottle feeding DC1 and watching him starve (We went for bottle feeding, obviously).
And it is upsetting when you’ve had a breastfeeding experience like that, and then other people just assume that you weren’t trying hard enough.

Surely you would need a few bottles anyway, if you need to pump or partner needs to feed?

@NineOfNine i am so grateful for your post as so many of the others are bringing back those awful old feelings of just not having done enough, somehow.

I couldn't with my first and could with 2 and 3. In fact I'm still feeding youngest and she is coming up to 18 months. Perhaps sometimes it is the baby and not the mother, or at least that's what I now tell myself.

I would get the bottle feeding stuff if it makes you feel better. You can always sell it on if you don't use it (and if that is the case it'll be a pleasing experience as breastfeeding is a success!) And you may end up combi feeding and using it anyway, if you can get this baby to latch.

I went in with it with determination and it worked out. Don't doubt yourself 😊 my son also had tongue tie and managed to latch. Painful but went through it until it got sorted. X

Sorry I don't have time to read the full thread.

With DS it took ages to get him to latch. Luckily I had colostrum syringes in the hospital. I then pumped in there and sort of got him to latch. He had a tongue tie release at 4 days old. That was not the magic cure the mw had said it would be! He was inconsolable.

For 2 weeks after that I really thought I would quit he cried I cried. I pumped (well filled the haaka very easily) and fed him with a bottle. I then started using nipple shields as well and they really helped him to latch.

Abou 8 weeks later nip shields were gone and we are still bf at 10 months.

I think the best thing I heard was 'it's natural like walking, not like breathing. You both need to learn how to'

I’m hearing your posts, I promise! I had zero supply with my first baby and it was very hurtful to read all the advice. I threw everything at it, financially, time and advice wise and it was very hurtful to read ‘just keep trying’ or ‘do skin to skin’ like I wasn’t cuddling her enough !! Anyway long story short it turned out I have a medical condition (IGT) that means I would never have a full supply, no matter how much I ‘cuddled with a box set’ assrrrggghh). But the one thing that comes across in your posts is that your baby didn’t latch - it wasn’t you ! So if you want it probably is worth giving it a go post birth with a different baby. On my second I expressed collustrum before hand for the first feeds and went in armed with the knowledge that I would always need formula. So it was a totally different mind set , any bf was success rather than no EBF was a failure if you get me. I ended up giving him some BM for 13 weeks which was success for me and my wonky boobs. So best of luck with whatever you decide but leave the word failure at home xx

I honestly don't think you want to try, which is your call. You came on asking for opinions. You don't like them. You have now answered your own questions. You just want everyone to tell you there's no point in trying. So here it is - there's no point in trying. Don't feel guilty.

I always said I would try and get my baby to have the colostrum which I think is the first 24/48 hours and then I’d see how it goes after that.

I was able to BF but only for about 3 months.

If you want to BF then definitely try it and ask for help if you’re struggling but don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do it.

I couldn’t breast feed my first, spent hours and ended up exclusively pumping. Baby two latched straight away no problems!

Yep. Trust me no amount of porridge was going to up my supply and there’s only so much head tilting I could bear x

You’re saying that you could not BF because your baby couldn’t latch which sounds like there wasn’t an issue with you and your nipples, but that you just had a tricky baby.

There’s nothing to say that your second baby won’t be much easier and be able to latch.

There is no pressure though.
If you want to try and BF then try.
If you don’t want to BF then don’t.

I voted YABU because I think you shouldn't assume it'll be the same. This baby is a different baby. First baby wasn't latching, it wasn't anything you've done or not done, it wasn't because you haven't tried hard enough. Don't blame yourself, let go of the guilt if you still have it (I know it can linger and make you feel rubbish).

I had an awful experience the first time around, baby lost lots of weight etc and definitely not for lack of trying on my part. He was too sleepy, didn't want to latch, didn't want to feed. I've listened to all the advice and I cried so much those first weeks. I still feel quite upset when I think about it, the feeling of failing to do something that should come naturally is awful.

Second baby though, I set myself to try with no pressure, I tried and he did latch and fed consistently. He was back to birth weight on day 5! I was so shocked and pleased. I won't lie, I still worried about things changing and going wrong again, but it was a completely different experience. I didn't do anything different. My body is the same, second baby was just a different baby.
I know you don't want to hear any more advice and I understand it, it gets tedious hearing "have you tried this and that" after you've tried everything but nothing worked.

Just try it with an open mind and don't blame yourself whatever the results. I feel like you'll have time to buy bottle feeding equipment after baby arrives, but also you could get some and keep it sealed and return it if you don't use it! Best of luck.

I don't understand why people are giving you a hard time for deciding not to breast feed after what sounds like hell on earth last time. Add in a toddler and I can well understand why you'd not want to do it again.

Just prepare for it to not work, get all the stuff you think you'll need, give it a go after birth and if they don't latch then just syringe the colostrum into baby's mouth and then crack on with formula feeding.

A happy mum = a happy baby. Just try it though, it might work, but fed is best and no midwife is going to judge you, and if they do they're clearly in the wrong job.

Signed a midwife.

@Woodentoyshurt What do you want from this thread? Like many posters, I'm here to say it's absolutely fine and perfectly reasonable to decide to ff from birth. But it's not reasonable to assume that bf won't work this time because it didn't last time. There is no judgement at all in those statements. Just fact. But you seem to want more/different. What do you want?

I to EBF managed 10 very painful days with DD1 ending in sepsis and resus for me.

DD2 just seemed to 'know' what to do. She was EBF for 6 months and weaned at natural term aged 5 and half years.

Wildly different!

I don't understand why people are giving you a hard time for deciding not to breast feed after what sounds like hell on earth last time. Add in a toddler and I can well understand why you'd not want to do it again.
I don't think anyone is. OP asked if she was unreasonable to assume her second baby will have the same issues as her first. That's why the vote is as it is. Hardly anyone thinks it's unreasonable not to try and bf if she doesn't want to but it is unreasonable to assume it will be just as difficult.