To work on the assumption I won’t be able to breastfeed?

[Woodentoyshurt]

When I had my first baby I wanted to breastfeed so followed all the advice and I just couldn’t latch him on. I’m due in 2 weeks: AIBU to just assume it’s probably going to be the same and just buy all the bottle feeding equipment? I’ll give it a go but I’m not really expecting it to work.

@CurlewKate seriously? It’s fine to say ‘it didn’t work for me first time but was so easy second.’ It’s not fine to say ‘well you clearly did not put in the effort so why are you even asking’

@Woodentoyshurt "It’s not fine to say ‘well you clearly did not put in the effort so why are you even asking’"

Of course it's not fine to say that. I'm sorry if that's how my post sounded to you. But it seems that you want something from this thread and I don't know what it is. What is it?

I think the ideal thing would be to give it a go, and keep and open mind, but be prepared (both mentally and in terms of having formula and kit) in case you can’t.

But you never know. It might have been specific to your DC1.

Equally, if it feels like to big a hurdle mentally, don’t worry about just going to formula

Jeez, I’m sorry for sounding irritable but I’ve literally just told you 😂

Quite a lot of people have confirmed that while they struggled with their first they didn’t with their second. That’s really good to hear and really encouraging. Is that OK? Sure?

The help is there but you have to be assertive, to ask for it, and to keep asking.

I was fortunate: I had a local support group run entirely by volunteers (not NCT) who kept me sane when lack of sleep was making me completely crazy.

My own experience (I BF for 18 months) was: no one can possibly warn you how hard this is over the first 12 weeks. To me it was a case of gritting my teeth and getting through the gruelling, exhausting phase. After this it was a breeze, especially when out and on the go: much easier than carting bottles everywhere and heating them.

To my mind this is the number 1 reason why breastfeeding so often fails is simply that new mums are not sufficiently warned about cluster feeding! Those phases where the baby seems latched onto you almost constantly makes us assume the baby is always hungry and this must mean we're not producing enough milk. So we top up with formula and then supply ends up sabotaged and we really don't produce enough milk.

New mums need to be warned this is a normal and necessary phase, that it's designed precisely to stimulate milk production, that it will quickly pass and has nothing to do with under-production.

I got alarmed whenever this sort of thing happened, or in the early stages where I wasn't sure DS was feeding enough. It wasn't helped by being practically on my knees with exhaustion from day and night feeding.

As long as they're gaining weight, all is fine. If DS had been losing weight that would have been a different thing entirely, and I'd have made a different feeding decision. Be guided by your baby, your body, and your HV. You can only make these decisions on the basis of the circumstances surrounding you. Yes, UK BF rates are low and we do need to explore the reasons for that. But IMO there's altogether too much angst - not to mention defensive attitudes - surrounding it.

@Woodentoyshurt Fair enough. A lot of people struggle the first time and not the second. Is that all you want? Good. Glad you got what you need.

Help and support, and to learn from other women's experiences.

BF is not so impossible as many people make it sound. Were this the case the human race would have struggled to survive in the strength and numbers it has.

For sure, it isn't always the right decision for every mother and every baby, but UK rates are unusually low by global comparison. There will be a reason for that.
Thinking 'I can't' before you even start won't be helping, though. Hence the (very sensible) reason for this thread.

@Woodentoyshurt I'm confused what you wanted folk to say? Are you right to assume you won't be able to breastfeed this time round? YABU

@SerafinasGoose "Help and support, and to learn from other women's experiences."

She has specifically said that she doesn't want this. That's why I asked what she did want. To see if there is anything helpful I could offer.

That’s fine if it’s how you want to do it; but remember baby hasn’t done it before and there is a learning curve.

Ironically loads of people ask me for breastfeeding advice now, and tell people I found it really easy. I struggled for the first 10 weeks, it was hard. I’m glad I pushed through and we’re still feeding at 18 months, although not nearly as much, but it didn’t come naturally to me or DS.

I think you might be setting yourself up to fail by expecting baby to just know what to do; if I’m honest. It’s absolutely okay not to try this time, if you don’t want to or your head isn’t in the right place.

Rubbish.
People like you give NCT a bad name. Not listening just pushing a breastfeeding agenda.
I did breastfeed mine and it was nothing like learning to drive! It was very easy for me but I was lucky and can still show some empathy for people who want to but can’t breastfeed.

The OP literally said her baby didn’t latch ever. No cluster feeding, no sticking with it . Did not latch.

Yes, I'm aware.

The specific question asked in the OP was whether she could assume the same thing would happen with baby #2. The inability to latch might well not be an issue again, but these are experiences as to what else most commonly sabotages BF.

I know what you mean OP. I spent 5 days on a large busy post-natal ward and noticed that while some babies took to breastfeeding straight away, others were particularly clueless. It had nothing to do with the determination of the mother - the babies had definitely not watched the videos! Your first was definitely one of those; your second might be completely different and know exactly what to do.

I would definitely go into it with an open mind. If you want to try breastfeeding, give it a go. You might be pleasantly surprised. Also, no harm in buying bottle feeding equipment to be prepared for both eventualities. If you don't use it you can just sell/donate to someone who will.

First baby: distressing months of struggling to feed, combo feeding, pumping and doing top up formula, tongue tie cut, etc etc

Second baby: came out, latched on, zero stress

Just have an open mind and see what happens. They have different mouths!

You could always plan to combo feed and see how it goes

Not really.... First baby breast fed fine, 2nd one doesn't! Despite previously breastfeeding. It really depends on the baby's temperament, not just a learnt skill... I've been to several breast feeding clinics and classes for professional advice

OP, I honestly think that midwives and other mums should stop harassing new mums to breast feed. I honestly couldnt care less about being told to breast feed, why the extra stress if you dont want to. I was an older mum so couldnt give a f**k what midwives told me I should do about feeding.

The problem is they tell you one thing all the way though pregnancy, and the advice radically changes as soon as the baby arrives.

Constantly beating the drum about what others should be doing isn't going to cut it. It just gets people's backs up; no one likes to be told what to do. Alternatively, some consistency and proper education as to potential barriers and pitfalls would be strongly advisable, because the West - the UK in particular - has obvious issues with low BF rates.

In the nicest way possible NHS are useless as this. Pay for a lactation consultant - they’re everywhere. Also a really high percentage of babies have tongue ties. It’s actually rare for it to be impossible. Look on your Fb group for someone who can do this.

This comment isn’t very helpful. You obviously had an easier time breastfeeding if it didn’t cost you much. What supplies are free?

On pumps and pumping equipment alone I was hundreds of pounds, then nipple shields, silver nipple healing things, nipple cream, pumping bras, a haaka, Epsom salts and a massager for clogged ducts and bad mastitis, colostrum syringes, more I probably can’t even remember. If your baby does not latch at all, despite weeks of attempts, different holds, trying nipple shields, getting support from 5 different places (hospital, community midwives, infant feeding team, La leche league and Facebook group) you have low milk supply (took me days of pumping every 3 hours to get more than a couple of mls of colostrum) then you are sadly going to need to spend a lot of money if you want to get breast milk into your baby.

Oh we got her tongue tie cut as well.

I never got any to feed with midwife help. So I just gave it a go at home without them with first as got frustrated with midwifes and hey presto it worked and since fed all 4 without help and advice which was totally confusing tbh. I found with trying alone it didn't take babies long to figure there own way and none was the way I was directed that never worked. But with 2 roughly stopped about 5 months I moved them to bottle and our twins at 3 month as they were hungry a lot and not getting enough now there 1 and on solids

I've not rtft, just your comments.

I wouldn't assume anything, just take one feed at a time and see what happens.
I didn't bf first time round - different experience from you but I couldn't express either. Even with the full hospital grade double pump I'd get a few drops. Premature baby, I lost a lot of blood and I chose to formula feed fairly early on.

Second time round I decided I would give it a go but would probably end up formula feeding, but DC2 latched straight away and I ended up finding it fairly straightforward. Had a couple of hiccups with me suffering Reynauds 😬😬😬 but I ended up really enjoying breastfeeding and fed DC2 for almost 4 years in the end!

Good luck whatever happens.

People obviously don’t understand what did not latch means, it’s not about struggling with cluster feeding, I’m sure I’d have preferred that instead of 4 times a night going downstairs, making a bottle of formula up, cooling it, coming upstairs, feeding baby, settling baby back to sleep, going downstairs, getting pump parts out of steriliser, attaching all pump parts together and plugging in, pumping for 15 mins, putting small amount of expressed milk into containers and into fridge, taking pump back apart, washing pump and bottle, putting it all in steriliser then going back to bed and trying and often failing to fall asleep before baby woke again in about an hour. At least with cluster feeding I could have stayed in bed.