Thinking sports day is awful

[Toarrie]

First experience of sports day and honestly isn’t it just awful for the children who aren’t fast runners? They have to run in front of loads of parents but schools wouldn’t dare making slow learners read to loads of parents.
Trying to console a very upset 5 year old who can’t understand why they don’t do competitions for the things they are good at.

now I completely understand not everyone can win but our school didn’t even do races by ability so put in 1 very slow runner with 4 that represent the school competitively

What would you prefer? No sport at school

Or other type of movement instead

Dc need to be active for their health and I would be concerned about even higher obesity resulting

@lifeturnsonadime

I was illustrating the point that PE and sports as a whole (not just sports day) are a big issue with school refusal.

You're picking up on this 'school refusal" point and overfocussing on it, but if you read my posts, but my main point was clearly that the format of sports day is emotionally damaging to some children which you seemed to be disputing, even though it was my and many others' experience that it was.

But if you want to miss the main point of what I was saying I guess that suits your agenda better.

I guess we have to beg to differ here.

It usually isn't just losing 'a' race either. It is losing every single race, usually it is combined with PE lessons where they are always picked last and the other children complain, sigh etc if they have to be on the same team as the child

Yes that happened to my daughter in primary school, she now represents her county in her chosen sport.

She still has to cope with non -selection some times.

I think my gripe on this thread is with what we model to our kids.

It concerns me that many parents are making such a big deal out of this rather than using it as a learning point.

I agree. There wouldn’t be an unseen reading competition with the same text for everyone in front of the parents, or a mental arithmetic competition. Singing solos is generally for those who want to do it, with auditions first. I think sports day is very embarrassing for children who not at all athletic. Some schools make it more fun for all, some make it awkward. If your child is upset I wouldn’t send them in. Primary schools are worse, secondary schools tend just to select kids who enjoy it.

I was shit academically and shit and at sports. I didn’t need ‘reminding I couldn’t be good at everything’ because I was already very well aware I was rubbish at everything. At least the academic humiliation wasn’t nearly as public. And no, the constant losing didn’t ‘build resilience’ it built nothing but rock bottom self esteem.

You're picking up on this 'school refusal" point and overfocussing on it, but if you read my posts, but my main point was clearly that the format of sports day is emotionally damaging to some children which you seemed to be disputing, even though it was my and many others' experience that it was.

I'm not disputing it at all! Please indicate where I have said that?

The point I am trying to get across is that as parents we have to model that our child can't win or be the best at everything. A child who doesn't win at sports day may go on to be fantastic in a team sport, but they won't if their parents encourage them to see it as amounting to humiliation.

I wish schools would let some kids do non competitive activities like aerobics or yoga so they weren’t as put off excercise.

My parents didn't once tell me it was humiliating. I felt it for myself.

They could only say so many times don't worry about winning, just try your best etc before it felt meaningless because I was always going to come last no matter how much I tried my best.

They didn't need to tell me that you can't always win. All I learned is why bother? I never win and all you do for trying is get laughed at.

They didn't need to tell me that you can't always win. All I learned is why bother? I never win and all you do for trying is get laughed at.

That's a real shame.

Sport is so important for physical and emotional well being. My daughter has tried several and found one she enjoys and is quite good at.

I don’t think parents frame it as humiliating. The child can see for themselves that they are puffing along red in the face behind everyone else. Sometimes the other kids snigger

@lifeturnsonadime none of us are telling our kids its humiliating FGS (at least not here).

We are on an adult thread discussing our first hand experiences of how humilliating it was. Not telling our kids!

Not "oh Max, don't worry about those horrible humiliating bullies at sports day, what a traumatic time, poor little max."

What we are doing is recognising the humiliation that WE felt to other adults, and suggesting ways that it could be made more inclusive for our children, in recognition of the fact it traumatised US.

Not every one has the resources, time or money been to do sports outside school

Dc that have talent could easily be just lost, at least if it’s in school they get seen and they can build on that

Like I said, sports day put me off for life. I associate it with misery, embarrassment and humiliation even now at 35.

My DC always comes last (without exception) in all sporting events. She's the youngest in her class (end of August born) and is tiny and underweight even for her age. So far it doesn't seem to bother her but at some point it might.

They also compete for their houses and I wonder if at some point some of the kids will get upset with her for losing their house points.

What I don't like is that every race only has 5 kids (and all kids do several races) so it's very obvious who loses. The fastest 3 (out of 5) get celebrated, which again makes it very obvious who the slowest two were. I'd prefer if they only celebrated the winner of each race or had more kids competing in each race.

My Gdcs thoroughly enjoyed their last one, but I did feel so sorry for the little boy in Gdd’s class who came close to,last in every race - he’s just not built for speed - and seemed fine with it, until the last, when he burst into tears at coming last - again. 😥

I remember watching DS on sports day - might have been reception, possibly year one.

He was in the fun run. We now know he's probably autistic, didn't at the time, but he was very rule bound. He came last by an absolute mile because every time the beanbag fell off his head for the first part of the race he dutifully picked it up and started again, as they'd been told to do. Nobody else did that more than once. DS did it over and over again until he didn't drop it.

He was very angry that he lost when everyone else had 'cheated'. I don't think he learnt anything positive from that, no matter how much we said it was all about taking part (and there was no disappointment from me, I always did shit at sports day and DS takes after me co-ordination wise unfortunately.)

DS's school had lots of "events" at sports day, so it was better than most by the sound of it. The thing that really stood out to me was the gulf between the older and younger kids in reception and year 1 though. And the number of his reception class who were off for various reasons in the week beforehand, but when chatting to parents it was all basically nerves about sports day. Even the sportiest, fastest in his class was unsettled by the idea of having to perform. It's a lovely school but I totally agree with you OP, little ones don't need the stress. I'm not sure that at reception/Y1 making it competitive achieves anything positive. Just call it a fun day or something and keep it light.

Oh no. Dd's sports day is coming up and now I'm worried that this will be her. As I said above she comes last in every race and it's very obvious. It didn't seem to bother her last year but maybe it will this year.

If she does get visibly upset I wonder if I can run on to the field to comfort her (she's 6)...

*What would you prefer? No sport at school

Or other type of movement instead

Dc need to be active for their health and I would be concerned about even higher obesity resulting*

I don't think an hour twice a week is doing much to mitigate not moving much the rest of the time, but it could be putting some kids off activity well into adulthood. Actually, less than an hour once kids change either side of the lesson.
I would like to see other things in place but it's unlikely schools have the resources. An hour of den building would provide lots more varied movement, plus teamwork, problem solving etc.. vs lining up for your turn at rounders for example.

I’m not against den building and I hadn’t really thought much on the full day dd’s school has per week outside in a forest school type environment in a purpose built area, this does mean they move more and do team based activities

Although I still would keep sport. Not everyone can develop skills outside the school and I think it’s a loss to those who get a chance due to it.

They also don’t change as no uniform so that probably helps too

I'd keep sports day but I would make competitive races voluntary.

As for PE, I'd introduce more individual sports instead of the focus on team sports and would put a stop to always encouraging the children to pick teams to reduce the chance of the same person always getting picked last.

I'm not totally against races and/or competition but I do think the whole thing of 'sports day' needs rehashing, not least because we so often see these short sharp heatwaves which makes planning and executing the day difficult.
I'd like to see more teamwork and a variety of activities - in the past I've seen a sports day consisting of 8 activities which each team rotated through (and halfway round there was a drink-stop, so 9 stations in all). There were races but there were also puzzles to be done, build a water-course, keep all the team on one gym mat and find a way across this invisible river, how many bean bags in the bucket. Great fun, lots of water, not quite as dependent on the playing field, and scope for everyone to feel valued.

I don't think an hour twice a week is doing much to mitigate not moving much the rest of the time, but it could be putting some kids off activity well into adulthood. Actually, less than an hour once kids change either side of the lesson.
I would like to see other things in place but it's unlikely schools have the resources. An hour of den building would provide lots more varied movement, plus teamwork, problem solving etc.. vs lining up for your turn at rounders for example.

So would you do away with sport in school altogether in favour of activities like Den Building? I'm just not sure what you are saying here?

That sounds like a great school.
Yes, I would keep sport for those who want to try it and for others I would have other things that encourage plenty of movement.