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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

551 replies

Amillionyearsago · 08/06/2023 11:23

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

OP posts:
Holly60 · 08/06/2023 11:26

No I don't think it's rude at all. Many parents are really happy to have siblings at birthday parties- depending on numbers.

Be prepared for those parents to decline the invitation- people don't always have childcare for the other sibling so either have to bring both or neither.

YouAndMeAndThem · 08/06/2023 11:27

A lot of kids won't be able to come at all if their siblings can't come so I do understand people asking. I have asked before and it has never been a problem. I think it's more 'ill mannered and inconsiderate ' to not understand why people are asking in the first place.

TeaKitten · 08/06/2023 11:29

They ask, you say no, no harm done. Plenty of parents don’t mind so it’s fair to ask rather than assume and just say your child can’t attend. It’s not always that dad doesn’t want to watch his own kid, some of us are single parents, some have partners who work or are busy on weekends. You sound like a misery guts.

bakewellbride · 08/06/2023 11:30

I think it depends. If you just turn up with an extra child or are rude about it then obviously that's not good.

But I've just booked my son's 5th party and my friend asked about bringing her other child too. She was incredibly polite about it and did say if you're restricted by numbers then don't worry it's not a problem at all etc. I genuinely don't see this as rude or cheeky and will try my best to accommodate the extra child. She invited both my kids to her child's last party and is a lovely friend all round. I really don't see the problem.

Minikievs · 08/06/2023 11:30

As a single parent, I used to ask, as I had no childcare for the other sibling. I always said upfront though that if it was soft play etc I'd pay for them separately, and if it was a village hall type, then I'd bring their own food.
They're not unreasonable to ask, you're not unreasonable to say no.

Infusionist · 08/06/2023 11:32

I think it’s fine to ask, fine to say no.

We were able to say yes to a few siblings at DD’s recent birthday. If there’s space and they won’t change things for the other kids, why not?

Equally, it’s fine to say no for whatever reason.

Just turning up with extras isn’t cool, obvs.

Peacepudding · 08/06/2023 11:32

It's not rude to ask.

When DD was having primary school parties I would actively invite the siblings of her best friends.

BlueAndGreenStripes · 08/06/2023 11:32

If people don’t ask, they don’t get.
I would rather someone struggling for childcare for siblings ask if they could bring them too than have them turn down the invite altogether. It’s quite rare for every child you invite to be able to come anyway.

CornedBeef451 · 08/06/2023 11:33

I have had to take a sibling to a party or not attend but I have always asked in advance, taken food and paid for entry if needed.

Be prepared for people to turn up with siblings who haven't asked in advance!

neverenoughchelseaboots · 08/06/2023 11:33

It’s rude to turn up with them without asking, but it’s not rude to ask advance.

It’s quite the assumption to think the father is available but doesn’t want to look after the sibling.

underneaththeash · 08/06/2023 11:34

I think it's rude, lots of older/younger children completely change the dynamic.
I always found you needed to state it on the invite though (and with a couple of people I had to actively tell them they the invite was for their child only).

If someone hasn't got childcare, you either drop and go, ask someone else to take your child or they don't go.

SD1978 · 08/06/2023 11:34

Asking is ok- as is saying no. I dont know what happened when I was growing up- 80's because I don't remember there being any siblings at the parties we had. It seems now people won't leave kids at parties and have to attend with them.

35965a · 08/06/2023 11:34

I don’t think it’s rude to ask, no. It’s fine to ask, also fine to say no.

It is different for pay-per-child activities (like trampoline park or bowling or something) but a home or village hall type one is OK to ask.

MsSquiz · 08/06/2023 11:34

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask, I also don't think it's unreasonable for you to say no.

What is unreasonable is not asking and just bringing a sibling along anyway and expecting food/activity/party bag for them.

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and DH isn't always available to look after the 1 year old and the 3 year old is too little to be left at a party without an adult.
My options are:
Ask, be told yes, all attend
Ask, be told no, sadly decline
Turn up with both kids

sunflowerdaisyrose · 08/06/2023 11:35

At year 1 age you could say no but they they can drop and go, I don't think it's rude to ask depending on the circumstances. It's also ok to say no too if not suitable.

SAH07 · 08/06/2023 11:35

I've always felt it a but rude. More so when there isn't really a valid reason for siblings to attend. We've had parties at soft play and parents have brought siblings along and paid separately, fair enough.

There was one family at school that always brought all siblings to all class parties, both parents attended too!

Ewock · 08/06/2023 11:36

I've never had this happen. I'd find it very rude, I organise games, prizes, gift bags etc for the number of children invited not fir their siblings. If I'm booking the party at a place, such as a bounce park, no way would I be paying extra for a kids sibling!

Shortsandtee · 08/06/2023 11:36

Is it a drop the child and leave party, or are the children younger so parents are expected to stay around?
If the latter I can see why some parents might have childcare issues. Not rude to ask in that case.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 08/06/2023 11:37

I don't mind the parents who ask in advance, it's the ones who just turn up that bother me. At my son's party this year, two kids arrived with an older sibling and BOTH parents. Unbelievably rude, unnecessary and inconsiderate.

We had a group photo at the end and the child front and centre was an uninvited older sibling standing just in front on my son. Hmm

None of the kids whose parents did this will ever get invited to any of our parties again.

CombatBarbie · 08/06/2023 11:38

Year 1 we were dump and go to avoid this.

Catspyjamas17 · 08/06/2023 11:38

I think it's rude to just bring them (and have them queuing up for a party bag at the end, as happened with one of DD2's parties once, plus other family members turning up and tucking into the food before the kids!) but it's not rude to ask if they can be accommodated, depending on the type of party.

NoraLuka · 08/06/2023 11:39

It’s not rude to ask. DD2 went through a phase of not wanting to be left anywhere without her sister so I often asked if DD1 could go too. We always brought a present from both girls as I didn’t want anyone thinking I was taking the piss, but nobody seemed to mind.

MaxwellCat · 08/06/2023 11:40

I’m a single mum due to this I am unable to take my children to birthday parties as I can’t bring them all when I said it on here people thought I was unreasonable and told me I should be asking the host! No way would I ask the host unless it was a very good friend but on MN apparently the more the merrier but I don’t believe that’s the case back in the real world!

mondaytosunday · 08/06/2023 11:40

It's not rude, but neither should you feel bad saying no.
Oddly, I don't think I ever got a request to bring siblings for any of my two kids' parties! One or two people I knew would struggle if they couldn't bring a sibling, so I invited them too, and I also a couple times invited one child of the same age as my other child.

Squiblet · 08/06/2023 11:42

We always had siblings along and it worked well. Once someone brought her older child (not yet old enough to be left on his own) and that was great - he helped organise the games, etc.

I always made it clear early on that there were no party bags for siblings, to avoid disappointment, but we could usually find an extra sweetie or something for them to take away.