AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

[Amillionyearsago]

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

The goal posts keep changing!!

A drop off and run which house parties tend to be I don't see why whole families or siblings need to be involved at all. Drop invited child off and collect at set times. Easy peasy.

Parties in public places with no number restrictions.
I would take sibling if I needed to but they would be with me not getting actively involved with the party.

Often parties we are invited to can be a half hour drive each way.
As others who aren't cheeky or rude have said, a sibling coming with me wouldn't cost the host anything or cause any inconvenience.

People rocking up anywhere uninvited, helping theirselves to food and expecting to be included I do agree is rude.

I’m not getting stroppy with the people asking - I’m obviously replying politely (through gritted teeth). I’ve just come here for a rant…

From around aged 4 upwards I wouldn’t expect parents to stay therefore no need for extra children.
If a child can’t cope without a parent then it’s the parent’s responsibility to find alternative arrangements for siblings.
If the issue is travelling and how to spend your time it’s the parent’s responsibility to find out what’s available in the area although I’d happily make suggestions.

Is is rude to ask? Depends on the invitation wording and if someone is in a difficult position. I’d always accommodate a tricky situation (drop off early/late, food allergies, sensitivities, etc.) but the children would be the focus not the parents.

I’m inviting my children’s peers to celebrate their birthday not families.

It sort of sounds like you (a) hate people with more than one child and (b) hate kids parties? You have my sympathy on the latter but not the former
God, what an utterly ridiculous take on it 😂
You don’t want my kid (who hasn’t been invited) at your party?
You must hate kids! And anyone who has kids!
Get a life, fgs.

Personally we didn’t have parties until my daughter was 6; we would have had one at 5 but due to covid we couldn’t do it in primary 1.

We have held a party each year for her since then, and all of them are drop off.

Similarly, she has never gone to a party that wasn’t a drop off party - either at a venue or at a house. Nobody has so much as mentioned siblings.

I think it’s fine to ask, I only think it’s rude if you just turn up with a sibling without asking in advance.

I had a piss taker do this once. Brought 3 of her other kids with her.

Absolutely not rude at all to ask!

just say no if no space/cost is an issue but SO MANY people do not have alternative childcare.

I seriously doubt someone asked for 4 siblings 😂

When my two were very young our DS was friends with a boy whose younger brother was friends with our DD.There were two other siblings and both parents would attend every single party with all four kids in tow.

Lots more single parents, lots more people living miles away from family

I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask - in fact that’s the opposite! Also fine to just say no (as you are). Your ranting however is rude and ungracious.

Some of us are single parents without much of a choice, we’re not ill mannered nor are we inconsiderate.

I always ask and make it clear I don’t expect food or a party bag for them, luckily the parents at my kids school are lovely, kind and reasonable people.

You always ask if you can take your other kid to a party where parents aren't required to stay?

If that's the case then you are one of the CF's we're talking about.

Exactly - not having anything to do in the area is completely irrelevant.

I’ve got two kids; one of them school aged and the other a toddler. The big one is often invited to parties; the little one isn’t. I don’t drive. It’s a pain in the arse; but my younger kid isn’t the responsibility of the hosts. And let’s face it, toddlers are fun ruiners 😂

How is it rude and ungracious to be unhappy at other people’s entitlement

I thinking asking outright is CF behaviour and puts the host in an awkward position. Obviously if they wanted siblings the invitation would have said 'siblings welcome'.

A better approach would be to respond 'thank you for the invitation, Jimmy would love to come but unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch 3 year old Lizzie that morning. I hope Birthday Child has a great time!'

Leaving it open for the host to respond 'please bring Lizzie as well, the more the merrier!' Or 'sorry you can't make it, we will save Jimmy a party bag' or whatever.

We lived on Army camps when mine were that age, attending base schools. It was pretty normal for one parent (usually the father) to not be around. So it was normal for siblings at parties, or childcare swaps where one parent took two kids to a party and the other parent had the siblings, or the whole family being invited anyway.

It wasn't rudeness, it was practicality.

Sorry but you are being really unreasonable by getting stroppy about people asking a question. They are not insisting they bring a sibling but as you have acknowledged yourself, some may not be able to attend without their sibling coming too. I would much rather those parents told me the situation - if I could accommodate the sibling I would and if not, I would just tell them that unfortunately not possible this time.

Save your rant for those who rock up with the sibling(s) with no prior notice and expect you to be able to accommodate with no notice!

@SkyandSurf

This exact thing happened at our party this year. We had craft boxes that cost about £4.50 each. I ordered two extras. It ended up being a free for all at the end (a friend was helping with bags so gave them out to all kids who walked up to him). So many uninvited siblings had turned up and just taken bags that we were two bags short for kids that had actually been invited. One child was sobbing and my son was upset. I was mortified.

It depends on the party. Somewhere like a softplay is different to a private party with an entertainer or paid for activity.
I've had to ask if the party has been at a time when DH wasn't around and my child was too young to leave at the party. It was either that or they couldn't go!
I always made it clear the reason though, and that I fully expected to pay any admission costs and purchase own food etc where applicable, not just adding to the party numbers.

Asking makes it awkward, It's putting the host in a situation where they have to politely say no or agree and make extra arrangements. Lack of childcare or difficult work patterns aren't the host's problem.

Thank you- that's what I'm worried about! I'm going to have to buy even more craft kits than the extra 20 because I'm not even clear on numbers now so I'll need spares. I'm hardly going to explain to a crying four year old she doesn't get a craft kit like every one else because her twit parents don't understand how to RSVP.

Yes it is extremely rude.
Other parents should realise the cost of extra food,entertainment and sheer work of having double the attendees turn up.
Just because you choose to have children does not mean you are entitled to take them to every party going .there's no reason they can't take siblings away for a couple of hours.

If it's a drop and go then it is totally rude for parents to expect you to accept their siblings as "extras". I am guessing they were hoping for free entertainment for the siblings not invited.

And someone had the gall to ask about 4 siblings? Yikes!

I think if it’s soft play or something ‘booked’ then I wouldn’t ask. If it as open to the public I might bring other child at same time if I had no choice. If it’s at your house then I wouldn’t ask!!! Do parents have to hang around aswell? I’d be expecting to leave child at party and come back and collect.. Is that not the norm? Don’t see why you’d have to wait and therefore bring other child. Obvs if they’re 1 year olds you’d stay but not if they’re 5 etc