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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

551 replies

Amillionyearsago · 08/06/2023 11:23

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/06/2023 11:45

It really is the height of bad manners but this is MN where you will be told its fine These threads always bring out the CF parents Wink

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/06/2023 11:46

Are you happy for the children to be left without the parent. If so, then no reason for the sibling to join. If not then reasonable to ask as long as they understand when you say no and you understand when they decline the invite. I don’t have a 5 year old but know that when I was 5 parents didn’t stay.

HatchetJob · 08/06/2023 11:49

More parties should be drop off and then this isn’t an issue.

TrueScrumptious · 08/06/2023 11:50

I think it’s generally rude, yes. At year 1, I’d expect not to have to stay at the party, so you go off and do something else with any siblings.

TidyDancer · 08/06/2023 11:50

It can be rude, but it depends on how it was phrased. If someone asked and said they didn't have childcare for siblings and it wasn't a drop and go party then I think it's okay to ask but also understandable to say no. Definitely rude to show up with extras without asking or getting shitty about being refused a sibling place though.

windywalk · 08/06/2023 11:52

There is no DH in our household.

I can't split myself into two.

Lately it's my 10 year old suffering through parties at soft play as her little sister has been invited.

I didn't realise anyone would class me ill mannered.

Just something else to add to the what is shit about being a lone parent list.

lieselotte · 08/06/2023 11:52

neverenoughchelseaboots · 08/06/2023 11:33

It’s rude to turn up with them without asking, but it’s not rude to ask advance.

It’s quite the assumption to think the father is available but doesn’t want to look after the sibling.

But quite common given all the fathers who beetle off on their hobbies (ie long cycle rides or golf).

Not sure why the OP is getting so much grief on here - most families DO have two functioning parents. If my child is 6, I don't want 2 year old siblings there. Anyway it's probably a short term problem as most people leave their kids at parties once they are about 6.

Simply bringing kids along is rude.

littlemousebigcheese · 08/06/2023 11:52

Really common here. Lots of parents work weekends so it's either bring a sibling or a friend can't make it.

Jules912 · 08/06/2023 11:53

I don't mind if people asked, although last party I was more shocked at how many parents dropped an ran given it was at a large soft play open to the public and with the best will in the world I can't keep track of 20 children in that environment. In that case for those that did ask I said we were already at the numbers but they could pay separately for the soft play and there'd probably be spare food.

lieselotte · 08/06/2023 11:54

The next thing will be people insisting on bringing their dog(s), too.

TaggySitz · 08/06/2023 11:54

Is it at a play area? Your house?

pharmachameleon · 08/06/2023 11:54

I think it's rude yes. It's a party for the birthday kid and their pals-not siblings. When I had a party for my DS then aged 5, a good few siblings came along, ate lots of food then a couple of the parents asked for a party bag for the sibling! Luckily I had a few spare party bags but I found it a bit rude. I'm friends with the parents so couldn't really say anything.

MaxwellCat · 08/06/2023 11:55

windywalk · 08/06/2023 11:52

There is no DH in our household.

I can't split myself into two.

Lately it's my 10 year old suffering through parties at soft play as her little sister has been invited.

I didn't realise anyone would class me ill mannered.

Just something else to add to the what is shit about being a lone parent list.

Do you ask to bring her?

lieselotte · 08/06/2023 11:55

littlemousebigcheese · 08/06/2023 11:52

Really common here. Lots of parents work weekends so it's either bring a sibling or a friend can't make it.

But I thought all MNers had wide extended families and massive friendship groups who they could always ask to help. After all, you shouldn't have kids according to some MNers if you don't have the extra help mapped out for 18 years!

(see threads about being available to collect kids from school within 5 minutes if they feel unwell)

PinkPlantCase · 08/06/2023 11:57

I don’t think asking is rude. Turning up without asking and expecting a sibling to be accompanied is rude.

cadburyegg · 08/06/2023 11:57

windywalk · 08/06/2023 11:52

There is no DH in our household.

I can't split myself into two.

Lately it's my 10 year old suffering through parties at soft play as her little sister has been invited.

I didn't realise anyone would class me ill mannered.

Just something else to add to the what is shit about being a lone parent list.

Same.

Soft play parties work in these scenarios because often the place will allow you to pay for the extra child so they don't take up a place for party kids.

When I ask if a sibling can tag along, it's because I have no other choice. The party organiser is free to say no of course, but a lot of the time they may agree if their child really wants mine there.

Crumpleton · 08/06/2023 11:57

SD1978 · 08/06/2023 11:34

Asking is ok- as is saying no. I dont know what happened when I was growing up- 80's because I don't remember there being any siblings at the parties we had. It seems now people won't leave kids at parties and have to attend with them.

This....

Even in the 90's/2000's when my kids were little we weren't expected to stay at a kids party.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 08/06/2023 11:57

lieselotte · 08/06/2023 11:54

The next thing will be people insisting on bringing their dog(s), too.

I've also seen this!

budgiegirl · 08/06/2023 11:58

I think it's fair enough to ask, if it's a party where the parent is expected to stay. And it's fine to say no. But if it's a drop and run party, then it's incredibly rude to ask.

SprinkleRainbow · 08/06/2023 12:00

When my eldest was in year 1 we had endless parties every weekend.
I took my youngest, in a pushchair where they stayed throughout the party unless the host was happy for them to join in a little.
I never touched the food even for the parents, brought snacks and toys for my youngest and waited politely out the way of everyone til my eldest was ready to go home.
Would I take my youngest now? No because they're not happy staying in the pushchair anymore and want to play.
Did I ever ask to take my youngest? No because realistically they weren't attending the party or having any impact on the party, food or numbers.

RoseBucket · 08/06/2023 12:00

Yes it’s rude, once they reach primary age I can’t see the need unless you insist on a parent staying. I can’t see why a parent can’t take a sibling/s off for an hour or so elsewhere.

budgiegirl · 08/06/2023 12:00

Soft play parties work in these scenarios because often the place will allow you to pay for the extra child so they don't take up a place for party kids

I think that's fine, as long as the parent has prepped the sibling to not expect food/party bag etc.

Bearpawk · 08/06/2023 12:02

I don't think it's rude to ask and it's not rude for you to say it's not possible.
Turning up with a sibling without asking would be rude.

Clymene · 08/06/2023 12:03

It's rude to ask, just the same as it's rude with any other kind of invitation. If people are okay with siblings, they can put it on the invitation.

changeyerheadworzel · 08/06/2023 12:03

It's rude whether you ask or not. The absolute HEIGHT of rudeness. Bringing smaller kids changes the whole dynamic of a party. Guilting people into allowing your other children to come because you don't have suitable childcare is rude. Drop once they are over 5 and feck off somewhere else with your other child.

Don't even get me started on bringing siblings to SOMEBODY'S HOUSE!! Whatever about soft play and paying for your own child (whilst still changing the dynamics as what 6 year old wants toddlers at a party?) but rocking up with siblings to somebody's home who has limited space, party bags and food is taking the absolute piss.

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