Parents unite to tell children they can’t have a smartphone until secondary school.

[NeedToThinkOfOne]

Here’s the story:
https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/education/2023/05/26/greystones-parents-agree-to-no-smartphone-code-for-children-until-second-level/

AIBU to think we should all be doing this, with ALL primary schools having a no phones policy to enable more groups of parents to unite within their communities?

Personally, I’d like that to apply at secondary school too until 16, but I realise that ship has sailed for this current generation.

I understand a phone for contact re safety for older pupils getting home or whatever, so I can see the need for a basic phone for calls only, particularly for rural school pupils. The real issues impacting children’s mental health are driven by social media, so it’s not just about the device obviously, but banning phone usage once on school premises for all secondary pupils would be a step in the right direction and with no peer pressure to have one at a younger primary school age, it could really make a difference?

Just to add another teacher perspective: I teach secondary and I have DC but they are little so I haven’t dealt with this as a parent yet.

I truly believe that most parents would be shocked at what their kids access on their phones. Even with ‘locked’ apps or random monitoring of WhatsApp chats, I guarantee that you will have missed a lot of what they have been exposed to. If they have access to an internet browser on their phone, I guarantee they’ve seen porn on it, whether or not they’ve actively searched for it. They know how to get around parental controls. They are experts at using VPNs. The amount of drama we have had over WhatsApp class group chats is unreal. All those parents insisted they ‘were monitoring the group chat for bullying’ but didn’t intervene or even know when boys were telling a girl how she should commit suicide in great detail. They delete their messages and evidence is hidden.

Also, regarding taking phones to school. My school is a ‘phone free campus’ and we have the ‘turned off, in your bag’ policy that many schools adopt. The reality is that phones are used throughout the school day, out of eye sight of teachers in the bathrooms, parts of the playground that are not well-monitored etc. They interfere severely with learning. The number of girls asking to go to the bathroom during class, to then take 15 mins posting TikToks is ridiculous. I know this because I’ve walked in on TikToks being filmed in the girls’ bathroom during lunch duty. In a ‘phone free’ school.

I work at an expensive, high-achieving private school by the way.

My DC are little, so I don’t know what I’ll do in 10 years when they become ‘phone age’. But I think that parents need to be far more realistic about what their kids are accessing online.

I'm amazed at all the excuses from parents why their kids need a phone depite the overwhelming evidence they are harmful. It's very sad. Australia has banned them, I'm sure the kids (and parents) will survive, and research in a few years time will prove it was a good thing (although that part is really a no brainer!)

My son does need his phone as a recently diagnosed diabetic he needs to lecithin 6ft of it at all times so is Dexcom read his blood sugars🙄

To be within*

We don't have to. No. We could ensure they have no unmonitored time. Can never say anything out of turn without an adult telling them off. Can't start to make test the water to see how they feel about doing something the adults around them have put out of reach. Can't use in any capacity the tools their older siblings, their parents and every adult around them routinely rely on.

I know some parents don't monitor their kids phone use well. But some don't monitor their actions in the playground well, doesn't mean every parent should stop letting their kids use the playground. You teach them how to do it well. How to play well with others and deal with or avoid those who don't. How to make their own, but reasonable decisions about what to do, how to share, who to be friends with. You spend time with them doing it while they're young so they build the skills to do it on their own as they get older.

If you don't spend the time letting them use phones and social media at an age when monitoring is appropriate, how do you expect them to be able to do it well when they get older and you can't monitor?

Well then your son is a rare exception which I'm sure we can figure out using basic common sense 🙄😒

@x2boys don't be that person 😐

Not that rare. I also like my son with anaphylaxis to have a phone handy at all times. And I expect a decent percentage of children have medical reasons that make having a phone a sensible measure

And both children spend part of the week with their dad who is abusive (try telling cafcass though) so I feel happier knowing they have phones.

It's not the phone that's the issue , it's the parenting (or lack of)

My dyslexic child uses her phone to
navigate the world in many different ways.

NumberTheory
I'd argue that early secondary as a pre-teen is appropriate to monitor, and they can be introduced to their smart phones with appropriate use and restrictions. I don't think many people on this thread have said no smartphones until adulthood.

The idea that we should give younger children devices so that we can be more hands off at secondary, which is when they definitely do need boundaries and guidance, doesn't sit well with me.

Nothing I've read or heard either from parents or through work has convinced me that younger children should be having smart phones.

The vast majority of pastoral issues that come up as a form tutor are either cause by, or are exacerbated by, 11-14 year olds social media use.

It blows my mind how many KS2 children have the internet in their pocket but their parents won't let them walk to the park because stranger danger.

I don't think smartphones are the sole problem. When you've got children accessing social media and games that are clearly advertised for older ages, the blame lays entirely at the feet of parents.

It is perfectly possible to say no to our children. Problem is, no one wants to be the bad guy when their child comes home saying 'but I'm the only one without x, y, z'.

Those age limits are there for a reason. They're not arbitrarily plucked out of thin air. And yes, my kids have smartphones. Because technology is zooming along at a pace and they have homework apps and such. But we have rules and we have safeguards like age restrictions and time limits in place, as well as agreements about what constitutes appropriate and safe use.

@LolaSmiles - I agree with you there. Having worked in a secondary school, pupils as young as 11 are sending nude pictures of themselves, filming teachers in class, group bullying chats etc.

And the parents don't seem to grasp that they are responsible for ensuring their child's safe use of them. It's almost as if parents are so worried about where children are and who they might be in the vicinity of - stranger danger etc, and need to track their moves, that they don't realise the danger is right in their home every day.

My 10yo got a phone for his birthday this year, it's a cheap smartphone (a Nokia one) and he mostly uses it for Pokémon go. We live across the country from family so he uses WhatsApp to chat to family, and we use Google family link to see his location when he goes off to the park

They can walk home alone from y6 here so we wanted him to have one ready for that

The vast majority of pastoral issues that come up as a form tutor are either cause by, or are exacerbated by, 11-14 year olds social media use.

😒 Awful

Sure, if there are true exceptions, and I wasn't saying there are none. Lets say 10% could be an exception, which is probably being generous. It still amazes me that parents would rather argue for smart phones knowing the extensive damage they do to everyone, what hope do kids have when even the parents don't want to acknowledge it or advocate for whats best for them. Depressing.

I also work in a school and agree with everything you've written. I've been working with teenagers my whole adult life, I thought I'd seen it all, but I have seen things on kids phones in the last couple of years that have genuinely shocked me. I'm talking about really nice kids, with parents who are involved and supportive.

minisoksmakehardwork I agree with you.
I also agree with Teachingteacher and neverbeenskiing on the content too.

I think if people saw day in day out the issues caused by too early introduction of personal smartphones and too little monitoring at an age where children still require guidance and boundaries, they'd be surprised. I suspect they'd also be surprised how the issues affect a broad range of children.
Sometimes I worry that there's some blind spots where issues with phones and social media only happen to other people's children, with the implication that the right sort of child is immune.

That sounds horrendous.