Parents unite to tell children they can’t have a smartphone until secondary school.

[NeedToThinkOfOne]

Here’s the story:
https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/education/2023/05/26/greystones-parents-agree-to-no-smartphone-code-for-children-until-second-level/

AIBU to think we should all be doing this, with ALL primary schools having a no phones policy to enable more groups of parents to unite within their communities?

Personally, I’d like that to apply at secondary school too until 16, but I realise that ship has sailed for this current generation.

I understand a phone for contact re safety for older pupils getting home or whatever, so I can see the need for a basic phone for calls only, particularly for rural school pupils. The real issues impacting children’s mental health are driven by social media, so it’s not just about the device obviously, but banning phone usage once on school premises for all secondary pupils would be a step in the right direction and with no peer pressure to have one at a younger primary school age, it could really make a difference?

You might be interested to see how the ads work on social media re vaping. Ads aimed directly at young people, non smokers, colourful and cool ads. Have a look. You could even yourself time by searching anything vape related on social and you’ll be ad served (read: targeted) in no time.

No I don’t agree my kids have a phone to talk to their father on plenty of separated parents get kids phones so they can communicate with their children directly when with the other parent.

I don't need to look. You'd have to have been walking around with your eyes closed for the past few years not to realise (a) how targeted ads are online (b) that there is an epidemic of vaping in young people and it's a huge problem

My 7yo has a smartphone. It was cheaper (giving him my old phone) than getting him a replacement tablet after his broke. He uses Whatsapp to communicate with his Nanny whom he only sees a few times a year and to talk to his cousins. Obv no other social media and there's a password so he can't download apps without permission. He uses the web browser to look up e.g. learning websites or walkthroughs for games but that's with supervision and is otherwise off-limits. Doubles as a nightlight (app) and a white noise machine (another app) too. Not sure how it'll go as he gets older and has an interest in joining SM.

I understand the restriction though. Sometimes I scroll through YouTube shorts or Facebook reels and I'm shocked at the content parents are either letting their child record or have no knowledge of their child doing. Plus ofc the bullying aspect.

How ironic, you’re asking me to share personal information…we don’t have to have children of a particular age to be concerned about an issue that potentially impacts all children?
Or that they’d have to be my own children for me to have concerns for friends, family and young people in general?

My kids are late teens now but they didn't have phones at all til secondary. There was no need to communicate with friends outside school as they saw them every day. In fact very very few kids had phones in primary then. It seemed a right of passage to get a phone for start of secondary, just as it was got my daughter to have her ears pierced the day after Y6 ended!
My kids started at a school that didn't even have computers in primary!

The things is the world has changed and we can’t turn back. I agree about primary school unless there is a reason that they need it. Mine got theirs I think in the last term as they started to walk to school by themselves. Secondary school they need them now- they discuss homework, arrange their social lives, use apps for schoolwork. My children always load up any language tests on them and do on the way to school. Mine haven’t suffered anything with regards to social media. I wish my son would be on it less but then again he has just got high marks in his end of year exams and has a lot of extra curricular things that aren’t affected so can’t complain it is affecting him. It is now a case of working with the tech rather than against it.

So when I talk about social media use on smartphones I include the ads as having an impact on children’s mental health too? Parents are not consuming the ads, but might be thinking they’re across all the apps their children see. Again, you’re only ad served on smart devices, not brick phones.

It helps to have had lived experience of parenting teenagers though @NeedToThinkOfOne so I'm guessing by that response, you don't have teenage children so this is all theoretical to you.

I'm afraid I don't have much time for people judging other people's parenting when they've not faced similar challenges.

My DD didn't have a phone until about 10, a smart phone at 13, this was just a few years back.
However, what i subsequently learned was that she could access whatever she wanted via her friends phones/tablets.

U can only do so much but there is zero reason for children to be using phones in school

I am not fond of bans. It’s just lazy parenting to expect everyone to fall into line with what you’ve decided is the big issue.

I didn’t need a ban to decide that my children would not have a phone until secondary school. Actually I gave it to them in the final week of year 6 as both of them were going to a different school to their friends so it allowed them a chance to connect with the people they wanted to stay in touch with. But it’s not up to me to decide on behalf of everyone what is best.

Banning them until 16 is ridiculous and completely out of touch with the real world.

My children are in primary school (years 5 and 6) and have phones. Sometimes they ride to school alone and stop off at their friends on the way home. They also go to youth groups straight from school.

They have smartphones because they have WhatsApp to talk to their family and friends

I agree for Primary kids- in my local circle of friends we've done this unofficially- all our kids know you get a phone when you go to high school so they don't bother pestering sooner. Obviously some in their classes have them younger but it's really helped having that culture of 'not til y7-. And OP I agree- I think the later the better, all practical issues can be met with a basic phone for getting in touch with home, or a device at home for school stuff. Unfortunately I agree it's not realistic for secondary schoolers- that ship has sailed. And yes, I think the inability to switch off and get away from the intense world of secondary school social politics is a big problem for many teens :(

They also use google to check things like bus and train timetables if they go into town, tide times so they can go to the beach safely and things like that, as well as using them for school work.

Smartphones should have age limits.

Like 18 certificate movies. Or driving.

There is no need for children to have unrestricted access to the internet.

But no one is denying that smartphones can be problematic. Ads are one of those potential problems. I could list hundreds of others. You can't simply ban everything that's potentially problematic.

The reason that people are asking how old your children are is because until you gave actually lived through the teenage years, in todays world you will have a different perspective.

My son won't be getting one until secondary and I regret getting my daughters one prior to that. He does have a smartwatch with sim we can call and he can call us on when out playing.

Whilst I can see your point on not having smart phones for social media and particular apps.. there is enough decent parental controlled software to limit the use of these things on any child's smartphone.

Banning smartphones isn't the answer. They have plenty of benefits as well as negatives, been able to track their location, emergencies, my daughter has her diabetic apps to monitor her blood glucose. Other medical conditions are also using apps to assist with monitoring.. my kids also use their phones to communicate with both parents when at the other parents house. Keeps a track of their homework, and plenty of other educational uses.

It's not necessarily smartphones that's the issue. It's social media and message boards, Snapchat things like that are the issue and have negative links to mental health.

Remaker · Today 11:52
I am not fond of bans. It’s just lazy parenting to expect everyone to fall into line with what you’ve decided is the big issue

Although I have a ban in place myself, I do agree it’s lazy parenting to expect others to fall into agreement. I’m an outlier when it comes to my teen without a smart phone but I don’t ask for other parents to follow suit nor have I discussed it with anyone else. I do what is right for my family as does everyone else. If you are giving in just because you are afraid of your child badgering you for one then it’s the boundaries in your house that is the problem not other parents decisions.

I do agree with this- but I also think its unrealistic in a different way! The simplest solution (no smartphone for as long as possible, which may depend on circs) is the best. Like not buying junk food is better than having a cupboard stuffed with it and controlling when kids can access it.

All useful tips for later though, when they (have to) have one. I like the smart watch suggestion above as well- it was interesting to hear of someone becoming stricter with their second child after feeling their first had had one too soon.

Rule in our home is our eldest can have a mobile phone for her 11th birthday, so that she has it in time for secondary school.

We personally won't have a reason for her to have one until then, as I will still be picking up her sibling when she's in year 6 so will be walking (pretty much) together

Sigh. I’m not judging other people’s parenting, see my OP, I was interested in parents making joint decision around primary aged children.

I’m not going to out myself otherwise, but I will say I do have lived experience of it, both personally and professionally. I’ve posted on other threads about my concern re social media. I could be a teacher for all anyone knows on here, it’s the topic which is relevant, it’s not my business how anyone else chooses to parent.

there is enough decent parental controlled software to limit the use of these things on any child's smartphone

Yeah I thought this until I discovered VPN bypassing of parental controls. Blew my mind how technologically advanced some teens are!

Mine both have phones - my old iphones because I'm not buying a new phone for my kids which would actually make communication with them harder.

BUT.

They are both limited - can't install apps, or receive messages/calls from anyone I haven't pre-authorised. They have no social media (being 12 and 9) - no whatsapp or whatever because they are too young.

They know internet safety, I monitor what they watch on Youtube (which is age limited too).

I think parents need to educate themselves and apply the tools available - as well as educate their children. Being prepared to be the bad-guy, when your kids beg for inappropriate apps is important.

If you don't feel able to do that, then sure, talk and text phone only, but banning them for all children? No.

My yr6 child has a phone. She has rules around usage, we monitor text messages for bullying etc, and she has to ask permission (via a code sent to my phone) to download new apps or access websites I have blocked access to. Like PP I want her to learn how to navigate smart phones before teenage hormones settle in (friends who waited til their child was older to give them a phone seem to have much more trouble enforcing boundaries). When she starts secondary school her phone will be switched off in her bag all day in line with school rules.

I am happy with my decisions as a parent, and respect other parents' choice to decide differently. Even when my DC didn't have a phone because I thought she wasn't old enough I wouldn't have signed any voluntary pledge not to get her one because it's nobody else's business. I would also very strongly not be in favour of any sort of paid licencing system designed to limit her social media, because that is my decision as a parent. I respect age restrictions on apps but paid licensing would price out poorer families from what can be socially very important communication for teens, therefore cutting off children from social contact.

Basically as said above, you (or the school or government) do not have the right to impose your own parenting decisions / opinions on my child in this area. You can advise and I can choose to listen (or not) to that advice. Do not think you have the right to tell me I am wrong or sign up to an arbitrary and pointless pledge.