To not move him in as I don’t want DD sharing a room?

[SharingARoom]

I have DD, 8 almost 9 Y4.

DP has:
DD 8, Y3
DS 4, Nursery

All 3 DC are at the same school. I have full residency of DD and she visits her dad 1 night EOWend. DP has 50/50 residency of his DC.

I currently have a 3 bed house.

Bedroom 1 is my room
Bedroom 2 is my spare/office space
Bedroom 3 is DDs room.

DD has SN and a medical condition, her space is her sanctuary to get away from it – she always says it’s the only space that is totally hers and she can do what she wants in it (within reason obviously, I don’t allow it to be very messy or for her to write on the walls but it’s her space, decorated exactly how she wants it and with her things where she wants them). It’s also where she goes if she’s having a meltdown. It’s a single room but big enough for her to have a tent den. I do not under any circumstances want her to have to share that space, I deliberately gave her the smaller room when I moved in for this reason, as there’s no moving her aside into a smaller/bigger room or making her share if circumstances change.

It’s my house that I own (well mortgaged). DP is moving in from rented when his contract ends in a few months, he’s in a 2 bed so his DCs share. They also share at their mums.

I have told DP his DC can share the spare room and we can decorate it, it’s big enough for a double bed so they could easily have a side each, although it#s not big enough for a physical divider due to where the window is.

DP wants his DD to go in with my DD in bedroom 2 and his DS to have bedroom 3 as they’re both girls. I have said even if DD didn’t have SN, I still don’t think I’d want her sharing, this is her only home and room – she shares a room at her dads/grandparents with her cousin and it's my house I've paid for. DP thinks that as his DC have to share at their mums they shouldn't have to with him and that it's more logical for both DDs to share the bigger room.

I have said no, they either share bedroom 2 or DP doesn’t move in. I am happy in future to move to a 4 bed so they can all have their own rooms, but it's awhile away yet. DP will not be on the mortgage or paying towards it, bills will be split 50/50 between us and we will still pay for our own holidays with our own DC then have seperate nights away.

So WIBU?

YANBU - DD doesn't share with DPs DD
YABU - DD should share with DPs DD

Tell him to buy him and his kids a 3 bed house to have them have their own bedrooms … the cheek of him.

What he waves doesn’t even make sense cos only 1 of his children wouldn’t be sharing anyway.

He’s seen you coming hasn’t he? What are you actually getting out of this? I can’t imagine any circumstances where I’d let a man with his two
kids move into my house, and that’s before considering that he’s obviously a bit of a loser and doesn’t care much about your daughter. He must think you’re a bit simple and your reaction to his ridiculous suggestion probably proves him right.

OP has told him he can't move in.. ⬇️

Have told him that he is not moving in, he needs to understand it's not in DDs interest to move in.

I get that he doesn't want his two sharing a room indefinitely, but thats also not my problem.

The DCs get on well, but my DD is always relieved when we go back to our seperate homes, she actually gets on better with the 4yo than the 8yo though so I think if he does move in DD needs space away from his DCs so that'll be when we can afford a 4 bed instead.

Don't let this man move in. He's already trying to dictate what happens in YOUR HOUSE. Imagine what he'll be like once he gets his feet under the table.

He was fine with not moving in once I explained why I didn't want DD sharing, he thinks it's better to wait a few more years until we can get a 4 bed - but I will be keeping the house I live in even if we end up renting a 4 bed.

His DC are sweet, and I really like them. DD likes them too but I think she feels a bit overwhelmed after awhile which is understandable given the SN and being an only child.

Great news Op!

That’s so great - well done for speaking up. And really good to hear he was understanding about your feelings - that bodes well!

so he not only expects you to give up your office space, but is demanding your DD's room as well?

tell the CF to rent a 3 bed if he doesn't want his little darlings to share.

sorry, the update wasn't there when I started typing :)

You are both putting your own DC first which is right but he cannot expect to move into YOUR house and prioritise his kids over yours especially when he wants them to have more than they do at his or their mother's currently. I can see why he wants them to have their own room but he's not in a position to provide it.

Just say no.

Great update, OP! Thanks for sharing!

That’s a really positive update. I’m glad he understands your pov.

Hoorayyyyy, great to hear that a normal caring human reaction was the one you got. Makes a nice change on here (obviously many threads are started by people precisely because they lack that and need help/a sounding board).

Really pleased to hear this Op, that you are putting your daughter before him/a blended family atm.

Well done OP for prioritising yours and your DD needs and expressing them.

If you are waiting a few more years, if your DP shows, in his actions; that he remedies his own living situation to better accommodate the needs of his own children and rent somewhere more suitable (even if it is for a year or so), he will have shown you he is willing to put the needs of his DC as a priority. If he continues to make his DC share until he no longer has a choice to do something about it, then that is what you are agreeing to accept as behaviour when you move in together.
Always see and expect the best in people, but don’t ignore red flags.
Good luck!

O would be careful to move a man in who, having no rights over your house, is already deciding how to use a house that is not his to the advantage of his kids and disadvantage of your own disabled daughter.

If he doesn’t want his children to share, he can mortgage himself to his ears to provide them with the libre he wants for them. If he doesn’t even have enough to save for a deposit, he shouldn’t be considering you as the next best financial option.

This thread is from 3 months ago.

wonder How come it popped on my radar? 🤔

Anyhow, OP, if you are having doubts again… just read the thread gain 😉