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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

392 replies

Lolabear38 · 05/06/2023 15:02

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

OP posts:
xabia · 07/06/2023 08:23

Yes I always warn them. Narrow terraced gardens though so smoke / cooking smells can be more of a problem.

Theyrealltaken · 07/06/2023 09:52

I wouldn't warn my neighbours and none of my neighbours have ever warned me if they're having a BBQ.
What does grind my gears is when I have washing out or when I'm planning on doing a load to hang out and one of my neighbours starts burning shit in their garden because they cba going to the tip, but in saying that I still wouldn't knock on and berate them for it.

tattygrl · 07/06/2023 11:18

I get that it's annoying when you've got clean washing out drying, but that's just part of living in close proximity to others. I'd never dream of telling someone they couldn't have a BBQ just because I had washing out - as if I expect to always just do what I want! It's easy enough to bring washing in if you notice BBQ smoke.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 07/06/2023 11:33

Our neighbours had lunchtime BBQs twice this weekend and both times I had washing out. I was a bit miffed to be honest but certainly wouldn't have lost the plot with them.

That said, DH then did a BBQ in the evening and he's the worst BBQer in the world and burns everything so I imagine their evening was more spoilt by the stink of burning food than ours was by their gently cooked food. 😂

Creative33 · 07/06/2023 12:41

If my neighbour spoke to me like that I’d increase the frequency of my barbecues

Elaina87 · 07/06/2023 13:20

She sounds insane. I wouldmt have thought either. I think its courteous to let her know, maybe earlier in the day before she puts her washing out 😂 but that's being very courteous! And if you decide to have one last min and she has washing out well that's tough on her, after that exchange I'd prob not bother to let her know at all.

Imisssleep2 · 07/06/2023 14:02

Your garden donwhat you want in it, you do not need to give notice or postpone coz she has washing out. Blantantly a vegan and offended by the smell but thats their choice and can not force their views or choices on others

Gh12345 · 07/06/2023 14:07

Of course you don’t have to tell her. She’s just a whingey cow

Feetupteashot · 07/06/2023 14:11

We would tell them the day before or weekend before

Idkmanbutgonnatattoo · 07/06/2023 15:48

why does she get a say of what you are entitled to do in YOUR garden

1sttimemum1602 · 07/06/2023 16:08

I’d let my immediate neighbours know, it’s up to them if they choose to leave their washing out after I’ve let them know. She can’t expect you to not have a bbq because she has washing out, I bet that’s every day light hour during the summer when the weather is nice enough to have a bbq. What does she want you to do have your family bbq in the winter?!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 07/06/2023 16:14

No and I don't even take my own washing in when we have a BBQ.

nanamoo · 07/06/2023 16:23

It's just common courtesy to let your neighbours know in advance that you are having a BBQ so they can bring washing in (or not put any out) or if they don't like the smell they then have a chance to close windows. At the very least, check to make sure nobody a couple doors either side of you has washing out before lighting the BBQ.

Saying that, the attitude of the neighbour would annoy me. I'd give them the heads up about a BBQ and if they don't take their washing in, then that's their problem. I would usually let neighbours know they day before i was going to have a BBQ tho. So if they still decide to put washing out with advanced warning, it's on them.

DuchessofSuffolk · 07/06/2023 17:55

Time for another BBQ ASAP me thinks

Sainte · 07/06/2023 18:15

Of course you tell neighbours if you’re having a BBQ.

We have neighbours who have parties. They used to tell us they were planning a party but not now. It’s called being a good neighbour when you tell them what’s happening. Just like if you do anything noisy or bonfire type of things. Roasting chestnuts or roast potatoes.
I don’t see why clothing would be impacted but some food is smelly and perhaps that’s what your neighbour is objecting to.
Try inviting them next time.

MrsLawrence1 · 07/06/2023 18:15

If I can see washing out yes I would let neighbours know before BBQing! 😊

Bekstar · 07/06/2023 18:25

I always take care to check if washing is out anywhere as do my neighbours whether we are lighting BBQ or garden fire. But sounds like she has a bee in her bonnet. Maybe if you'd checked and her clothes had not ended up smelling then she may have been a bit more laid back but at the same time she is been unreasonable to say she won't take in her washing if you have a BBQ in future.

Littlepiggietoes · 07/06/2023 18:33

From about the start of May, we bbq for pretty much every meal. No chance would I be knocking on every day to announce that we’re having the bbq on!

Wyks · 07/06/2023 18:34

My next door neighbour moved their barbecue to the fence next to my washing line before lighting it

My bed linen didn’t smell great but I didn’t say anything to my neighbours although I wasn’t impressed. The fence is 4 foot high so they could clearly see the rotary washing line

Yourcatisnotsorry · 07/06/2023 18:54

She’s deranged. I have never warned anyone about a bbq nor been warned and we have fantastic neighbours.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 07/06/2023 18:57

I do if they have washing out. If they're not in, we don't have a bbq. I wouldn't like my clean washing smelling of smoke so that's why I always check. Just polite really.

YoucancallmeKAREN · 07/06/2023 18:58

Surely most people are courteous enough to tell their neighbours that they are about to light a bbq and give them the chance to close windows and bring washing in ? Next time give her 10 mins notice before you light the bbq. If she moans let her moan, she can't decide what you do in your garden.

whycantmenfindstuff · 07/06/2023 19:00

No, we dont but our garden is quite long and we always put the bbq at the end far away from anyone's house

Jumpingthruhoops · 07/06/2023 19:09

The very fact she had the audacity to think she could tell me when I'd be 'allowed' to have a BBQ would ensure that the next one I have would be REALLY noisy, smelly and smokey! 😂 Seriously, though, when did people become so entitled!?

Pigstrotter · 07/06/2023 19:11

Hate BBQ 🤢 the taste, the smell, but if you like smelling of BBQ, who am I to argue? Just so long as I never get to smell you.

But in saying that my neighbour used to have one a month where he used to cook all his meat & freeze it, which I thought was a good idea. I’d just shut the windows & I never put washing out so it didn’t have a great effect on my life.