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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

392 replies

Lolabear38 · 05/06/2023 15:02

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

OP posts:
Shanda5 · 07/06/2023 19:12

I'd let next door know before having a BBQ if they had washing out. I think that's just courteous.

Your neighbour has massively over reacted by saying you can't have a BBQ if she has washing out.

Lovely13 · 07/06/2023 19:28

Did wonder about doing this the other day when we had a big bbq. In the end, I didn’t. Smoke from cooking is pervasive but it’s immediately obvious, so neighbours can shut windows or whip washing in. It’s usually only for an hour or two. Sorry your neighbour was so crabby to you.

Sara198 · 07/06/2023 19:29

Lol I have this next door neighbour I considerably tell her if I am having a bbq usually with an hours warning but I don’t stop having it if her washing is out I have told her because I am considerate but there is no way I am not having one just because she’s like that about her washing … plus I like the smell of a bbq 😂

Iwant2stayanon · 07/06/2023 19:31

After that behaviour I would make a point of having a bbq every time she puts her washing out. What a CF!

Ifeelsuchafool · 07/06/2023 19:43

I would warn my neighbour if I saw they had washing out and I would hope they would afford me the same courtesy. If they did, I'd thank them and bring it in. It doesn't hurt to be considerate, does it?

user1472151176 · 07/06/2023 19:46

If my neighbours have washing on the line I'll let them know. We do have a very good relationship with our neighbours

veggieknitwit76 · 07/06/2023 19:47

TBH, I think if it's BBQ weather I would just assume people would be having BBQs.

genius1308 · 07/06/2023 20:02

If we're having a bbq I always go and look out of the bedroom window (can see the other neighbours back gardens from there) and if any have washing out I always text them or go and knock. Common courtesy really! But I'd not stop having a bbq just because a neighbour said 'you're not allowed one if my washing is out'. I let them know so they have fair warning to get their washing in if they choose to.

megletthesecond · 07/06/2023 20:11

My neighbours are burning stuff in their garden and all my laundry needs rewashing now 😡. Cheers for that.

Snippit · 07/06/2023 20:32

I wouldn’t bbq whilst my neighbours washing is out, and why should they take it in, we have few decent drying days as it is, so I think it’s unfair that you expect them to take their washing in, where do you suppose they dry it?

GrinAndVomit · 07/06/2023 20:34

People who tell neighbours they’re having a BBQ. Would you do the same for all foods that might smell?
I can only think this is a thing in areas that don’t have much cultural diversity.

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 07/06/2023 20:38

Our BBQ is gas and is positioned in a way that’s it’s away from all other neighbours homes. Not particularly intentional, just where it works best for the layout of our garden.

Behind us they spark up their charcoal BBQ quite near to the fence where my washing is on the line behind it (probs 3 meters between the two). My DH moaned about it and I simply pointed out that when you live on an estate it’s part of life and it’s just how it is… I said I doubted the washing would smell anyway as it was all out in the open air.

Bought washing in later and DH had to admit there was no BBQ smell….

I really don’t see the issue and the neighbour just needs to get over it and move to the country without neighbours if she expects everyone to accommodate her all the time!

SauvignonBlanche · 07/06/2023 20:40

My newish neighbours are BBQ crazy and it’s right next to the dividing fence.
As soon as the sun comes out he’s out there grilling but he always knocks on my door first if the washing is out and I’m very grateful.

wentworthinmate · 07/06/2023 20:55

I absolutely hate bbq’s and will go round banging all the windows shut when our neighbours have one (several times a week in fair weather). I cannot abide the smell and it’s burning away the other side of a fence six foot from my back door. It’s the frequency of them in my situation that does my head in!

Frazzledstar1 · 07/06/2023 21:15

We had a bbq on Saturday and I had my own washing on the line and it smelt completely fine when I brought it in!

Sounds like you responded perfectly reasonably, apologised and offered to warn next time. Her reaction was way OTT. Personally I’d be planning weekly barbies from now on 🤣

NextTimeItsOver · 07/06/2023 21:17

GrinAndVomit · 07/06/2023 20:34

People who tell neighbours they’re having a BBQ. Would you do the same for all foods that might smell?
I can only think this is a thing in areas that don’t have much cultural diversity.

I let my neighbours know if I'm BBQing and they have washing out but I wouldn't if I was cooking in the house. Even if I'm cooking a strong curry it's not the same as a BBQ

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 07/06/2023 21:17

Yup I always text my neighbours particularly if I can see their windows open or washing out. Common courtesy

GrinAndVomit · 07/06/2023 21:31

NextTimeItsOver · 07/06/2023 21:17

I let my neighbours know if I'm BBQing and they have washing out but I wouldn't if I was cooking in the house. Even if I'm cooking a strong curry it's not the same as a BBQ

Show quote history

I previously lived in an area that was predominantly British Pakistani and my neighbours’ curries were often very strong smelling and going from early in the morning until the evening.
It would never have occurred to me that they shouldn’t be cooking food that would make my washing smell or that they should have come to pre warn me. I just brought my washing in.

megletthesecond · 07/06/2023 21:36

My neighbours gorgeous curries have never made my laundry smell.
Whereas today's litter burning from another neighbour has meant my laundry basket now smells like it's come back from a weekend at Glastonbury.

GrinAndVomit · 07/06/2023 21:39

megletthesecond · 07/06/2023 21:36

My neighbours gorgeous curries have never made my laundry smell.
Whereas today's litter burning from another neighbour has meant my laundry basket now smells like it's come back from a weekend at Glastonbury.

Strangely, BBQ has never made mine smell but the curries did 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just washed it again and hung it inside. No huge problem.

PeskyPotato · 07/06/2023 21:43

I'm so petty I'd be out there grilling everything! BBQ for breakfast before school? Why not!! Wink

I live in a block where I can see into about a dozen back gardens from my kitchen. No one is communicating about bbqs, that would be weird.

TheseThree · 07/06/2023 21:51

Warn her sure (maybe even the day before) so she can make sure her wash is in but if she tells you you can’t simply remind her you weren’t asking permission, you are giving a neighborly warning.

I’m in the US and a lot of communities don’t even allow a clothes line so most homes use a dryer even on nice days (yes, I know it’s stupid). As such, we’d only let our neighbors know if we expected to be still out late and to “shoot us a text or yell over if we’re too loud”.

user1487768885 · 07/06/2023 22:18

It had never occurred to me but we alway bbq in the evening. My next door neighbour do always let us know every time they bbq so we can move our laundry. They tend to bbq at lunchtime on weekends.

Humbley17 · 07/06/2023 23:05

I always have as its common curtesy to let the neighbours know especially if they likely to hang their washing out as the smell lingers on it. Many years ago when I lived elsewhere the police were called to a family who were having a barbecue and were told if you want to keep neighbours happy they should of let them know beforehand but they had music and lots of people were there.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 08/06/2023 00:06

Nope, wouldnt say a word, wouldnt check if they have washing out and i sure wouldnt be basing how i cook on their washing location

We use a BBQ all year round, we also use a smoker and again, never once warned neighbours