Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

[Lolabear38]

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

Where I live it's generally the case that the neighbour will give a quick knock if they're planning a BBQ - for the same reason, the washing and general convenience of shutting windows if you want and so on. We live in terraced houses and it really does penetrate.

I wouldn't say I'm overly precious about it or that any of the neighbours are either- just very nice polite people. We don't have a BBQ so wouldn't need to tell anyone anyway and they rarely seem to have them either but I've had a knock most times well in advance of them, even the day before! It's not about permission so much as just some courtesy that costs nothing.

If I see a neighbour has washing out I give them a head's up because it's only polite.

Barbecue smells are really vile - particularly if you don’t eat meat- and the cost of another wash is annoying given times are tight for families at the moment. I think it’s courtesy to warn and I don’t blame your neighbour for being a bit peeved

She's batshit. My garden backs onto several others. I'm not telling them all and they don't tell me either.

I had just finished pegging the washing out at the weekend then suddenly smelled NDN bbq. Literally thought shiiiit and said to husband quick let's get it in else it'll stink.

I was flapping because I'd literally just finished - but not at all annoyed at my neighbours. It's just as much their outdoor space as it is my outdoor space. Who are either of us to dictate?

Personally, I'd have a little glance around over the fences if we're thinking of having one and, if i saw washing out, I'd wait until it's been out for at least an hour or so before lighting. I wouldn't knock to inform them though.

But that's me. Just as if I had 2 cars and the NDN only had one, I wouldn't bagsy both spaces outside with my 2 leaving them to find a spot elsewhere. But again, that's me. I don't expect anyone to have the same thought process or foresight as me. Would be nice though, in a perfect world ha!

Your ndn was rude as hell.

Our neighbours don’t warn us in advance of BBQ’s and we don’t usually either unless to invite them. If you apologised and agreed to give her a heads up next time and still got such a shitty reaction, I’d leave her to get on with it. She can’t stop you from having a BBQ and it’s up to you if you warn her in future, given the attitude !!

On the one hand I think your neighbour is entirely unreasonable to say that you shouldn’t have a BBQ if her washing is out, it equally I think YABU not to have checked if her washing was out (as you say you can see into the garden from upstairs) and let her know you will be having one.

I live in a little London terrace and my neighbour this afternoon lit a really smoky coal BBQ while I had a load of washing on the line. He can see into my garden and he has my mobile number, so he didn’t even have to knock. I was 🤬

Funnily enough back in my teens our host had this too - but being in an exceptionally rough area of Birmingham a load of the guests threw glass bottles over the fence and gave them tonnes of abuse once they got a soaking.

I bet they didn’t do it again - I ran away and hid inside rather than join in!

Having a barbeque in the garden during sunny weather is perfectly normal behaviour. Next time you are having a barbeque pop a note through her door 24 hours beforehand to let her know that it is happening, and ignore any stropping. Make sure you do this within the next 6-8 weeks so that it is made clear soon that you have no intention of allowing her to control what legal activities you can do on your own property.

If she wants to create some kind of local ban on barbeques she can attempt to do this through the proper democratic channels, and will be resoundingly outvoted because no one else agrees with her.

We used to live next door to a family from Pakistan. They’d regularly cook really strong smelling curries. I’d never have told them off for doing so. Yes it’s annoying if you’ve just put clean clothes on the line but not as annoying as not being able to cook food without worrying about upsetting the neighbours.
It amazes me how many people in our society expect to live their lives completely unaffected or never inconvenienced by anyone else.
They’re onto a hiding for nothing.

people like that need to go and live on the moon. In fact it should be obligatory.

YABU, in general. If my neighbour has the washing out I would always let them know before lighting the BBQ. I wouldn't give them advance notice if their washing was not out.

The rest of the post about her saying whether or not washing would be taken in if you had told her, well, it sounds like you were made for each other as neighbours.

If someone spoke to me like that I'd just tell them to fuck off. And BBQ when the hell I wanted. If someone asked me nicely to give them a heads up before lighting up the BBQ, then I'd happily oblige.

YANBU.

My neighbours seemingly cook everything on the BBQ when the weather's nice (twice a day+ on weekends) and while it does mean I don't get much time in the garden (asthma), I've never noticed my washing stinking. Small terraced gardens too.

If I was going to light the BBQ and noticed a neighbour had washing out, Id definitely give them a quick knock, so they had a chance to take it in if they wanted to. It’s not nice when your lively line dried washing smells of ashes and smoke rather than the fresh air. It’s just showing consideration.

Of course, people are not obliged to tell their neighbour they will be BBQi g….but like lots of things, it’s just a bit of courtesy and in life, this consideration goes a long way to making pleasant places to live. There will also ways be those who only think they need to consider themselves and wouldn’t dream of letting a neighbour know they would be BBQi g or having a bonfire….but it really doesn’t make the world a better place does it.

This neighbour responded crossly about not taking her washing in…..possibly because she is generally a bit batshit, or possibly because her nice clean washing smelt foul and she was really cross about it and that prompted her rudeness. She wasn’t right to say what she said, but the fact your BBQ made her clothes smell was understandably irritating.

At the end of the day, people in their gardens can have BBQs, have friends round to sit,let their children play etc etc. If you have neighbours,you cannot expect to live as if you’re without a neighbour for miles. You have to expect some noise and inconvenience and the activities of summer. What you can also hope for is that people act in a decent and considerate way. That doesn’t mean they won’t BBQ or let their children play in the garden, but if they see you’ve got washing out, they just knock the door to let you know, that they do t let their kids run wild in the garden at midnight or 6am, or play loud music at 2am in the morning in a regular basis.

Bat-shit crazy.

I’ve had this with my neighbour and bonfires which is understandable. However BBQs create much less smoke and unless your bbq is right next to her fence I really don’t see the problem and think your neighbour is a bonkers bully. Have a bbq whenever you like and don’t engage with her anymore.

I agree that the kind of conversation you had, is the type that happens where people dont show consideration for each other. Tension mounts and what could have been a pleasant neighbourhood can turn into an unpleasant one.

Sadly, OP did t show consideration to her neighbour. Now neighbour has been rude to her. Next time, the atmosphere will probably be frosty or worse.

To be honest, the thing that could help here is an action…an olive branch from the OP….but few people would have he guts to do this. She could swallow her pride and take a box of chocs or bottle round to neighbour. She could apologise for not spotting the neighbour had her washing out and be friendly. She could ignore the odd comment from the neighbour and instead choose to try to make things better. Many people would think ‘why should I’ or ‘they were rude, not me’ but this is the path to worse neighbourly relations. Actually, sometimes you have to put yourself out to help things move forward, even if the other person should be doing it.

So both didn’t cover themselves with glory this time. Lots of people will back OP up and say you didn’t NEED to let neighbour know about BBQ and she can do what she likes in her own garden. Teach ically that’s true of course, but the world works better when we see a bit more nuance and show consideration. Sometimes we all forget to do it or make mistakes. Apologising isn’t a sign of weakness.

Lovely neighbours. She should just have accepted your offer of the heads-up, but to respond in that way would make me have 3 BBQs a week.

It’s common courtesy to let your neighbours know you’re having a barbecue if they have washing out on the line (and you live in close enough proximity that it would ruin the washing) I always tell our neighbours and would expect the same. It sounds like she was incredibly rude though. As it was the first time, she could have spoken to you about it politely!

My DH won't do BBQ's anymore because it isn't fair on the neighbours - likewise when kids were little he wouldn't let them go in the paddling pool because wasn't fair on the neighbours having to listen to other kids!!!! He is so bloody considerate of other people........ he then gets cross when neighbours don't tell us if they are bbqing and let kids play out on a sunny day. However I do bbq's and let the kids in paddling pool but only when he isnt home. I don't tell neighbours if I am bbqing because they don't tell us. We have just had a family move in next door and they have a baby and a toddler - nice weather so they have been in the garden alot and DH thinks it is very inconsiderate to us and the other houses around!!! He will only mow the lawn at about 12noon on a weekend day not after 6pm in case he wakes sleeping children and never before midday in case he wakes people having their weekend lie in!!

haven’t ever given the possibility of neighbours washing a thought. We’ve been having them regularly for years. Maybe will have to look next time.

Id have thought that on a sunny weekend there is a good chance. Someone will be having one. Perhaps she needs to avoid hanging washing out on sunny weekend afternoons!!!!

It would never occur to me to warn a neighbour about having a bbq, have also never been warned
A neighbour a couple of weeks ago had a bonfire and all the embers blew into our garden, yeah it was annoying but I wasn’t annoyed enough to say anything.
we only warn/have been warned about having party’s with loud music.

I'm wondering if you live next door to someone I know. They posted a rant on social media the other day about wanting to move because their neighbour had the audacity to have a BBQ on a sunny weekend whilst someone else had a strimmer out that was making noise.

Unfortunately we live on an island and experiencing noise and occasional BBQ smells is part of the package, unless you're lucky to be very remote.

Could be worse, I live by a farm and occasionally my washing ends up smelling slightly of farm slurry. It seems to absorb the smell after they've been spreading the fields!

You definitely don’t need to ask permission but I do think it’s the neighbourly thing to do to warn your neighbours before your BBQ is lit if they have washing out.