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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

392 replies

Lolabear38 · 05/06/2023 15:02

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

OP posts:
RestingMurderousFace · 06/06/2023 19:51

Greywhippet · 06/06/2023 18:38

Barbecue smells are really vile - particularly if you don’t eat meat- and the cost of another wash is annoying given times are tight for families at the moment. I think it’s courtesy to warn and I don’t blame your neighbour for being a bit peeved

Agree with this.

Blueblell · 06/06/2023 19:52

We live in a terrace so quite close proximity and they have never told me they are having a BBQ and I wouldn’t expect them to. She sounds very rude so I wouldn’t tell her next time either!

Sweep3 · 06/06/2023 19:55

I voted YANBU
i would usually shout over fence/text my immediate neighbour if her washing is out and she does the same to me but if she was out the house and had washing out I’d just have the BBQ anyway, would expect her to do the same.

I can understand your neighbour being annoyed, we have 4 children, all attend swim club training regularly so seem to always have a lot of washing to dry and it is frustrating if I have to do it again due to smells (allotments having fires near ish to us spread the smell)
I have sensory issues and I can’t stand bad smells or lingering smells on clothes but I’m sure by a day later I would have got over it!

Rainbowsandfairies · 06/06/2023 19:56

We have 2 neighbours and they never say anything if they're having a barbecue ( and I wouldn't expect them to!) If one of them has a barbecue, I just bring the washing in and close some of the windows. I've got some serious stuff going on in my life right now and I think the OP's neighbour is being ridiculous! Don't sweat the small stuff!

ilovebrie8 · 06/06/2023 19:57

Nope she is being ridiculous and was rude just ignore her …

RabbitsRock · 06/06/2023 20:01

Nope! But our immediate neighbours are miserable sods so we have very little to do with them anyway!

icelolly12 · 06/06/2023 20:03

Your neighbour can't police who has barbecues in their own garden. That is ridiculous. Anyway. why do her laundry needs take precedence over your needs?! Some of my neighbours have washing out all day every day. If I want a barbecue I'll have one and I'd expect them to do the same. If I have my washing out I'll bring it in. Just like if it rains. Not that big of a deal!

She is definitely the unreasonable one, and if she'd have been nicer in her approach maybe you could have been more accommodating to her needs and looked to compromise, but looks like you'll never win with her, so my advice is to have a bbq as often as possible including when her washing is out and let her deal with it.

Absc · 06/06/2023 20:04

No however more the fact the only words ever had have been threats by them and needed police intervention

Reigateforever · 06/06/2023 20:05

It is a nuisance if neighbours often have barbecues on sunny weekends if the wind is in their direction. Maybe move it away from their garden and shield them from the smoke or even when you are going to buy a new barbecue chose a non smoking one.

Chatillon · 06/06/2023 20:23

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

Well, make your mind up.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 06/06/2023 20:41

Who the fuck does she think she is?! Jesus Christ.

HopefulElle · 06/06/2023 20:43

My neighbour thinks it’s “unsightly” to dry laundry outside so don’t have that problem. They also think BBQs are “common”, but we’re happily common this side of the hedge 😂

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/06/2023 21:00

'No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

PurpleStar22 · 06/06/2023 21:27

We’ve asked our neighbours to give us a heads up so we can bring in washing and close windows to stop the bedrooms smelling, but I’ve never approached them with such a tone like this neighbour has done. The same we’d do the same to our neighbours with washing out or windows open cos we’re all in small close terraces. I think it’s just polite to do so. I think it’s madness though that if her washing is out your can’t bbq.

IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 06/06/2023 21:32

This is the kind of shit that my very precious granny gets bent out of shape about. Wouldn't even occur to me to be cross about this... I live in a major conurbation in a terrace house, there will be barbeques in the summer, sometimes I won't even know where the smell/smoke is coming from. Just one of those things that comes with living in a built-up area.

Personally I'd smile sweetly and ignore her. She sounds very effete and like a total nightmare neighbour.

GC1 · 06/06/2023 21:47

You won't be having a bbq if her washing is out..... darling if she pays your rent or mortgage then she can stop you!! So what if her washing was out. If you aren't really friendly you don't need to tell her. If your friends she'd probably be invited so she'd know. Haha I love people's intimidating stance on things. They make themselves look ridiculous! Have a biggest BBQ next time. You pay your bills you do what you like in your own house!

gogohmm · 06/06/2023 21:48

I would let neighbours know if it was going to be at lunchtime, after 5pm no

Katey83 · 06/06/2023 23:12

Your neighbour sounds insane.

Lidlpopdrinker · 06/06/2023 23:25

I usually check if their washing is out and warn them, but I forgot to check the other day. It was, I felt horrible.

masterblaster · 06/06/2023 23:26

I think if it was nice enough for a BBQ and the neighbour had washing out I might give them an hour for it to dry, then knock and let them know.

Dibbydoos · 07/06/2023 00:19

My neighbour once took her washing in. When I next spoke to her, she asked me to just knock on if we were having a bbq.

I told her we'd have one every weekend but we'd move the bbq further away from the frnceline. We did that and had no probs again.

azlazee1 · 07/06/2023 01:11

Where to begin - if you really want to be a good neighbor, give her a heads up next time. As for her dictating when you can bbq, forget it. She spoke in anger, made a ridiculous statement that she has no way of enforcing.

Songbird54321 · 07/06/2023 07:22

My neighbour knocked on our door last year to tell us they were putting the bbq on as we had washing out. I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid if they didn’t though.
It was likely because their bbq is against our fence though.
We don’t bbq often but I always check if she has washing out now because it obviously would bother her if she thought to tell me. I wouldn’t have beforehand.
Your neighbour sounds unreasonable so little point arguing. Just have your bbq’s as you usually would. It’s up to her if she takes her washing in.

bluetongue · 07/06/2023 07:45

As an Australian this is hilarious.

Some people really need to get a hobby and get their nose out of their neighbours’ lives.

Stripedbag101 · 07/06/2023 08:06

I had an neighbour once who bought an outdoor wood burner - it bellowed think smelly smoke and they used it in their tiny garden every night. I couldn’t have open windows that summer - it was right below my bedroom. Any washing stank - the house stank. They first night when my window was open was horrible: the smell lingered for days.

I did give off the first night i will be honest -
but it was to my partner as we take to grab the washing. The smoke was black! I am sure they heard. But it didn’t stop them.

we also live in a smokeless area and I have no idea what the hell they were burning - it smelt toxic.

bbqs will never bother me after that summer!!