Apparently I can't take banter

[NotExactlyJimCarey]

Husband proclaimed a few weeks ago how uptight I am and that he can't banter with me anymore, seemed out of nowhere as I feel like we laugh plenty, and I said as such to him and even apologised if I'd come off that way and said I'd be aware of it.

Since then I feel like he's just being a prick to me. I know he'll say I can't take a joke so I've bitten my tongue but the things that he apparently sees as banter I find just disrespectful. Like he got up off the sofa and threw the rubbish from the food he was eating in my face. When we had a gin one evening he went to refill them and came back and had made himself another gin and tonic but only bought me out a shot of gin as a joke and I had to go back in and make my own gin. He's shut doors in my face. Started driving the car without me getting in so I'm following him up the road with him repeatedly driving off. Throwing a load of his dirty laundry down the stairs deliberately as I'm walking past so it all lands on me. Yesterday at the beach I got upset because I'd been breastfeeding the baby and hadn't popped a boob back in after without realising, when I noticed I sort of gasped and put it away and asked him had he not noticed and he said yes ages ago was waiting to see how long it would take you to notice and laughing about it, which I feel was really disrespectful as lots of people would have seen at that point and he knows I wouldn't like that. I snapped at that point and said he's being really rude to me lately and he was like scoffing that he knew I was biting my tongue and to just admit I'm uptight and can't take banter. Wtf?!

He's a total shitcunt.

Someone I knew used the term "banter" in his report to CAFCASS. It was rightly picked up by the investigator as a red flag for abuse.

It's extremely common for abusive men to claim it as banter and the victim being humourless when it is clearly abuse, as it is in this case.

So he is a nasty abusive bully who has ramped up the abuse now that you have a baby.

This is who he is.

You can accept this is your life and that of the poor child you have had with tjis prick, or you can reach out to family and friends.

Ring Women's aid for a chat.

Tell your GP that you are being abused.

Take this very very seriously.

Throwing things at you is assault.

This is a bad man.

He is scum.

Did these behaviours start/ramp up when you became pregnant or had the baby?

That's not banter, it's bullying.

He either doesn't know what banter is, or more likely is a nasty bully who is gaslighting you to control and manipulate

Not banter, abuse. He wouldn't do that to another man and expect them to take it.

That's bullying.

Banter is good-humoured, affectionate teasing which crucially, is funny for both parties.

I don't see anything funny about having rubbish thrown in your face.

It sounds like your H has spent too much time watching 'prank' bullshit videos. If he's now decided to be a domestic version of Mizzy, then tell him to pack his shite and fuck off to find somewhere else to enjoy his 'bantz'.

What an utter dickhead!

I’m not making excuses here, but I see this sort of thing on social media a LOT now.. partners winding each other up and pranking each other, it’s downright cruel at times, this sounds like what he’s doing, but it only works when both sides find it funny and do it to each other...

some are funny, but I don’t like a lot of them because to me they’re actually mean, NOT good natured, if he has his face in his phone a lot he probably thinks this is a normal fun couple behaviour now (it’s not).

it would wind me right up, as instead of accepting you don’t like some of these things he’s making out it’s because you’re uptight! I’d sit him down and tell him how hurt he makes you feel.. what a twat.

Oh darling he’s a prick. I agree with everyone else, none of this is funny (even having dirty laundry thrown at you Ffs!). Making himself a drink and you having to get up and finish yours off because he thought it would funny to give you neat gin?! How is that funny. It’s just mean - he should be taking care of you, not causing you extra hassle for his own amusement.

whatever his motivation for this (I suspect he’s either abusive or cheating, given that he’s rewriting your relationship to pretend you’ve changed) you deserve someone who’s kind and loving towards you, not someone who laughs at things that embarrass you, and delights in making you feel silly. Prick.

So you have a tiny baby - how old? Did this 'Attention seeking' behaviour start - oh round-about when you had a new baby to attend to?

This is all attention seeking, immature and childish. And tipping over into bullying.

Let him know that. It's not fun.

He is being absolutely horrible to you. That is not banter.

FWIW I’m currently dating and swipe left on anyone who uses the word banter for this exact reason. Men use it as a cover to be an arsehole and none of them are actually funny.

One guy’s definition of banter was to say he hated my hair. and when I said that’s just mean, not funny, he said “ok what if said I hate your hair because it reminds me of an ex girlfriend?” Still not funny or in any way necessary. I dumped him after that. Twat.

He's abusing you by belittling and humiliating you.

How long has he been behaving like this?
The bit that stood out was you are breastfeeding so obviously your attention is on the baby and his actions come over like a jealous spoiled child trying to get attention any way he can. Then when you are annoyed or exasperated with him, he can have a go at you. He's creating situations to bully and gaslight you.

Has this only started since the baby arrived or do you have older children?

You need to stop this now or it will escalate. As for not taking a joke, the driving off thing would annoy me as its just not funny. It makes you feel foolish. Next time just stand there and make him reverse. If he throws dirty laundry, leave it there. If he throws litter, pick it up and chuck it in his car (as a joke, surely he laugh at the "banter".

Not telling you your boob was still out after feeding is plain abuse. It's to make you vulnerable and worried who saw you, when as a new mum you should feel cared for and cherished.
Give him one opportunity to grow up or leave him.

My DH and I love a bit of banter and making eachother laugh.
None of what you described would be something either of us would ever do on eachother. He sounds like a nasty disrespectful bully.

He is a bully. Plain and simple. And then turning it round to you being unable to "take a joke" is pure narcissism.

What was he like pre baby?

I thought you were going to say something like slightly sexist jokes or something! No, YANBU. Did all this start when you had your baby? To me, this is abuse and I would be packing a bag.

It's made me really.sad reading this and I don't even know you!

Bullies often try to pass off their behaviour as banter. Banter should be reciprocal.

Yes I agree with PP all of this is just nasty. How is chucking some rubbish at you or shutting a door in your face, funny? It's not witty, or amusing, I've never seen someone in stitches because they got a door shut on them. Ignoring the words, and just thinking about the behaviour...what would you feel like if he didnt say it was banter? What would you think if you saw someone else subjected to this behaviour from a man? Its abusive

1st comment nailed it.

”Husband proclaimed”

Maybe you should proclaim to husband that his behaviour is appaling and has nothing to do with so called banter.
It’s abusive, belittling,humiliating,hurtful and childlish and you DEMAND it to stop as you don’t give a fuck how uptight you look in his eyes.

Anything else that is not remorseful apology and treating you with respect owed to fellow human being should have you consider your relationship as your child will be affected too.

Abusers very often start when they think they have their victim „trapped”.

Good luck OP 💐

Did you ever find this type of "banter" funny?

That isn't humour or "banter", which to me is gentle teasing, this seems to be unattractive immature behaviour purposely to irritate or humiliate you. Not normal.

As others have said, that's not banter. He's abusive. He sounds like a proper cunt tbh. I'd be telling him he changes his behaviour or me and the child would be off. Don't put up with her behaviour, your aren't the problem, he is.

I’d be leaving him. Seriously this isn’t behaviour you want your children to grow up normalising, it’s abuse.