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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let DS miss his exam tomorrow

176 replies

Winterdays200 · 04/06/2023 23:58

DS is currently in the middle of his GCSE exams, he was very anxious about failing but seemed to be getting on ok.

He was very quiet over half term and not really himself but I put it down to him being tired after a few weeks of exams. I had a message from one of his friends this evening saying that DS had told her he attempted suicide the other day and not to tell me but he's still suicidal. I've spoken to him and he refused to speak to me but said he doesn't know why he feels that way etc. I'm thinking of letting him miss tomorrow's exam if he wants to but I'm unsure if that would make him feel worse

WIBU

OP posts:
PurpleChrayne · 05/06/2023 00:03

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Okisenough · 05/06/2023 00:19

I don't know if letting him miss one exam will help or not but I would book an appointment with a GP for him as soon as possible, and if he is willing then get him to speak to a therapist. If he is suicidal then he needs professional help

Wat2do222 · 05/06/2023 00:32

Hi OP so sorry you are both going through this, must have been a terrible shock. The truth is, it is only an exam, his mental health is paramount here. If he didn't do it, you could arrange to take it privately at a later date. Does he want to actually do the exam? Please make sure you seek some professional help, you shouldn't have to navigate this on your own 😓

SirenSays · 05/06/2023 00:34

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YANBU it's his life.

Talk to him and ask what he wants to do. I'd absolutely let him miss it if he needed to for his MH.

toomuchlaundry · 05/06/2023 00:35

Can you talk to school?

EasterBreak · 05/06/2023 00:39

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Is this a joke?! His mental health is a million times more important than a test.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 05/06/2023 00:39

Don't let him skip the exam - it won't solve anything, won't make him feel any better & he would have to go through a load of administrative hassle to try to get a grade from the other elements of the exam. Do get a Dr appt as PPs have said.
I attended a talk by a clinical psychologist who is an expert in teen anxiety. She advised giving a confident, matter-of-fact lead, and acting as if you are confident the child can handle it. Of course you want to keep a close eye on him, but skipping the exam would make his problems worse, not better.

MaggyNoodles · 05/06/2023 00:45

Give him your support to do what he wants on the day. Support him to prioritise his mental health.
GCSEs can be retaken, and there are many other routes into successful careers and further education.
Will he see the GP?

Wat2do222 · 05/06/2023 00:45

@DivorcedAndDelighted are you for real? Her son has very recently attempted suicide and is in the middle of a mental health crisis - he requires immediate intervention not a 'confident lead' Unbelievable

MaggyNoodles · 05/06/2023 00:48

DivorcedAndDelighted · 05/06/2023 00:39

Don't let him skip the exam - it won't solve anything, won't make him feel any better & he would have to go through a load of administrative hassle to try to get a grade from the other elements of the exam. Do get a Dr appt as PPs have said.
I attended a talk by a clinical psychologist who is an expert in teen anxiety. She advised giving a confident, matter-of-fact lead, and acting as if you are confident the child can handle it. Of course you want to keep a close eye on him, but skipping the exam would make his problems worse, not better.

Please don't listen to this.
If your son wants to miss the exam, let him.
Honestly, I left school with no GCSE's and have done very well. They're not the be all and end all.

ilovesooty · 05/06/2023 00:50

Be guided by what he wants to do.

Nothing is more important than his mental health right now.

HeddaGarbled · 05/06/2023 00:51

Thank goodness for that responsible and pro-active young person. Do not let him out of your sight until you’ve got him some professional support.

Remaker · 05/06/2023 01:00

One of my DC’s classmates took their own life a couple of weeks ago aged 16. It wasn’t their first attempt. Just such an absolute waste.

Personally I think an exam is trivial in comparison but it will depend on your child. Will sitting it make them feel better or worse?

I appreciate how extraordinarily difficult it is to get teenagers to engage with MH support if they don’t want it. Is there anyone you think they will speak to? Friend, aunt or uncle, GP?

GenXsurvivor · 05/06/2023 01:04

@PurpleChrayne really?! I take it you have had experience of a DC who is/has been suicidal or has suicidal ideation?

SouperWoman · 05/06/2023 01:06

You poor thing @Winterdays200 Flowers

It’s not clear from your op if he wants to miss the exam or not. If he wants to, it’s okay. He may get some sort of dispensation for his exam, but frankly that is not the major concern here. He can always retake another time.

If he wants to miss the exam you need to take him to urgent care/gp/call 111 and also tell the school. Demand some MH support.
Don’t leave him alone until you are sure he is safe.

if he wants to go ahead and take his test, I would let him but be available before and afterwards. And take him to get medical support straight after. Also flag to the school before the exam.

good luck. I hope you can get him the help he needs and your son feels more himself soon.

PlatBilledDuckypuss · 05/06/2023 01:07

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He can take GCSEs at any age. They're only exams.

tealsofas · 05/06/2023 01:07

She advised giving a confident, matter-of-fact lead

What does this mean @DivorcedAndDelighted, what is a lead?

GenXsurvivor · 05/06/2023 01:07

@Winterdays200 I’m so sorry you’re going through this worry right now.

Please ignore @PurpleChrayne!

I agree that you should be guided by what your DC wants to do tomorrow.

TreadLightly3 · 05/06/2023 01:09

No, YANBU

As PPs have said, it’s only an exam. Keep him close till you can get professional help. And reassure him he can pick the GCSEs up later when he’s ready.

Wishing you both all the best xx

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/06/2023 01:09

I attended a talk by a clinical psychologist who is an expert in teen anxiety. She advised giving a confident, matter-of-fact lead, and acting as if you are confident the child can handle it. Of course you want to keep a close eye on him, but skipping the exam would make his problems worse, not better

We did that. Dd self harmed as a result. You can’t pretend the problem doesn’t exist. I think that’s utter rubbish. Let him miss it. My dd was crippled by anxiety. She missed 2 GCSE exams. It made hardly any difference. His life and mental health are the things that matter .

GenXsurvivor · 05/06/2023 01:10

I’m the meantime OP, if your DC is still feeling suicidal please take them to A&E. That’s what I had to do last year.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/06/2023 01:13

That clinical pyschologist obviuosly never dealt with an anxious teen. What total rubbish.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 05/06/2023 01:13

As a previously suicidal teen, I think the confident lead is actually not to be dismissed out of hand. I recognise now that what I was seriously lacking was resilience. I panicked. I saw no way through. So challenging situations floored me every single time. So somebody actually saying I know you don’t think so now but actually this will pass, you will get through this, giving me some short-term steps and tips would have made the world of difference for me.

randomuser2021 · 05/06/2023 01:13

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BaiesRosesAmbre · 05/06/2023 01:17

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Wow what a blunt response!

Sorry OP, how worrying for you. I would start by enquiring with a doctor so you can get some mental health support for him.

I don’t know if missing his exam will be good for him in the long run…but only you know your son. I’m wondering if he could take it at a later date or maybe in a different room to everyone else (if that would make him feel better).