Would you date a Met detective?

[singleforareason]

A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume the toxic culture of someone’s workplace is any indication of their individual character but from Stephen Lawrence to Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman and Sarah Everard would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

No. My bil is a retired detective, he has bad PTSD from some pretty horrible experiences. Many of his former colleagues were the same. It's a job where people get badly affected , more than most jobs.

Des he have ptsd from being a misogynist and racist tho ?

Or did he try and do some good in the world and it affected him .

I'd say unless you have done that job it's difficult to generalise.

The job hasn't affected me at all but I came to it later in life and I was who I am before the job could mould me or affect me.

It's sometimes shocking. It's sad often . But I have the ability to switch off. When I'm t work I give my all but I leave work at the door .

It doesn't I hope , make me undatable.

If anything- it's made me more tolerant and less prone to
Black and white thinking . People can be good people but do something terrible . I often have sympathy for the people I've dealt with.

I'm pretty well balanced . And I have the ability to leave work at work . I've been single , through choice , now for 4 years but id be upset if my career hoover meant im undatable- and id think it their loss rather than mine .

Snap! Exactly this.

My dh is ex army and police (now retired). He's a bloody good egg. Been married for years no concerns.

He hates football thank fuck 😑

I await your next post - Would You Date A Doctor Or Nurse?
A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume that someone’s profession is any indication of their individual character but from
Dr William Husel
Nurse Daniela Poggiali
Dr Harold Shipman
Dr Josef Mengele
Dr K Gosnell
Nurse Stephan Letter
Nurse Charles Cullen
Nurse Beverley Allitt
would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

Probably from seeing the brains all over the floor of the person that jumped from a car park or the young child victim of knife crime die in their arms or the neglected children found days from starvation or the young girl who decided to hang herself on Christmas Day or maybe you’re right and it’s from being a racist and a misogynist.

I wouldn’t, no.

A friend of mine from school ended up going into the force and honestly, I think less of her. She’s great but I just don’t understand why she would willingly choose to be part of an institution like that.

She married another PO as well, and since they’ve been together they’ve both got much angrier- understandable because of the things they are exposed to at work. In my experience a lot of police are very defensive and quick to anger as well, which scares me- I don’t want someone there in an emergency or crisis who is quick to anger and automatically assumes they have authority. To answer another point upthread, I wouldn’t call the police myself unless I had no other option.

'i'm not racist'

Uses racist language? Hmmm

@fyn
I couldn't agree more

See this is why I wouldn't date police, and I stand by my comment earlier. I'm black, and it really bothers me that you've been in the police long enough to be coming up for retirement and still don't know that you shouldn't refer to people like me as coloured. No of course this doesn't mean you're racist, but come on.

I'm sure there are some wonderful police officers out there, I work for a charity and have worked with some lovely officers, but my families experiences have been too traumatising for me to even go there.

Sorry I tagged the wrong post @egoegowise, should've been the one you quoted.

Imagine writing so many outraged posts that police officers arent racist, and then shooting yourself in the foot by calling black people coloured and refusing to acknowledge the inappropriateness of it, telling those who point it out to fuck off, and ignoring the opinions of the black people on the thread who are not happy about it.

I mean I've now been convinced there is no institutionalised racism in the Met and that the Met force has respect for black people 🙄

Probably not. Not because of the issues in the department though, but because of the impact of shift work on family life.

Police officers top the list.

No absolutely not tbh

Tomorrow on Mumsnet
’my partner swore at me because I have dented the car’
Chorus ‘ call the police, he shouldn’t speak to you like that…’

’ I think my NDN might be looking through our fence’
Call the police, you shouldn’t even have to think about that’

’ another Mum wouldn’t move her car when I was picking up my DS from nursery’
That’s obstruction, the police will deal with it

etc etc etc

wouldn’t date one though, err yuck , rapists murderers ,probably slurp their tea.
😳

No problem!

Doctors would be a whole other thread for a different set of reasons.

This ^^

You honestly couldn't make it up.

Been there done that and no never again.

I aren't going to apologise for the majority of good decent police officers.

Oooh! I know who you are now. And everything suddenly makes sense.

Yeah, this.

Ahhh I see the core of the question OP - it feels like you've been turned down and are trying to make yourself feel better about it by saying "well I wouldn't have wanted to date them anyway".
May I suggest that instead of starting a goady, vitriolic thread, you take a bit of time to really think about what it is you want from a relationship and your partner.

This is a strange take on the thread.

I see it more as idle curiosity, which is the reason for many MN threads.