Would you date a Met detective?

[singleforareason]

A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume the toxic culture of someone’s workplace is any indication of their individual character but from Stephen Lawrence to Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman and Sarah Everard would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

I wouldn’t date a policeman full stop.

This is such depressing reading. I wonder if those who are so ready to judge someone solely based on their job would be happy to be judged solely based on theirs?

There have been bad eggs in all jobs. Unfortunately there is a lot of anti-police rhetoric at the moment, which is a pity, since crime is escalating following funding cuts to police forces. Ideally, we should all be working together, for a safer society, and reinstating stop and search to reduce knife crime.

You’re quite a way off course there but the last few words are good general advice.

People do need to accept that others can date or not date them for whatever reason, including ones that are stupid. But equally, there are factors that apply to the police that aren't applicable elsewhere.

I would be 100% in the right to worry not only about a police officer who did abuse women but also the much higher numbers who don't, but who try to delegitimise justified criticism of both their colleagues and the organisation. Whereas there isn't an equivalent of that for, say, someone who works in a shop. Anyone who doesn't understand and accept that is something of a red flag.

Of course, if I was single and I liked them and they seemed like a decent person why not?

Back in the day I used to be a staff nurse I would have been a bit put out if someone had refused to date me because of Beverley Allitt and all the other nurses who have been convicted of serious harm/murder over the years.

I wouldn't date someone in the police. I'd be too scared of some thug they'd arrested in the past seeing us out together and using me and my child to get at the police officer.

If course, date whoever you want, but judging someone so flippantly makes you seem to be a very superficial person. That, to me, is a red flag.

I'm not a police officer by the way. I'm a doctor. As has already been pointed out upthread, there are doctors who have commited terrible crimes. We are however all individuals.

Same here!! They all look so young!

I only know one and he's vile so based on that no...but there must be some good ones. I'd be cautious I think.

Back in the day I used to be a staff nurse I would have been a bit put out if someone had refused to date me because of Beverley Allitt and all the other nurses who have been convicted of serious harm/murder over the years.

The culture in the NHS produces nurses and Allit was an aberration, a predator who slipped through the net. Its like comparing apples and bricks.

I see your point but for me it’s not ‘every man at the met is potentially another Couzens’.

There are perfectly valid questions to ask about anyone thriving within that culture, as another poster described.

I know! You can imagine if this was said about white women (from the perpectives of other races of women who've had dealings with ww). There'll be outrage!

It's always easy to be prejudiced against others as a group.

You can’t choose your phenotype though. It’s not remotely comparable to a job.

There are an awful lot of posters on MN who are married to the most horrible sounding men, should we assume they’re all police officers? Yes there are some really bad police but lots of industries have very bad people in them which is overlooked. Television and entertainment being a good example but would that stop someone from dating a tv presenter?

It's always easy to be prejudiced against others as a group.

Absolutely. For example black children, as young as 8, are 6 times more likely to be strip searched than other children. At least half are done without an appropriate adult present. Black boys make up 1/3 of the total strip searches. The Met force in particular strip searches around 5 children a day, mostly boys over half of which are black. There are reports of one black boy being strip searched 3 times in one day.

I can’t think of anything analogous to the met.

Of course other organisations are rotten at worst or at best tainted by their pasts, but there is nothing that quite compares to the metropolitan police. I think most people of colour who have grown up in London will understand.

For all I know I’ve met one of the people actively working to improve it from within.

This and so much more.

I did date one.
Was not good.
I think the police attracts some people purely because they want power and control over others.
Divorce lawyers rate them as one of the most difficult groups to deal with.

That’s interesting. Do you know any more about what makes them difficult clients? Behavioural?

Glad you are out of an unhappy situation.

Honestly some of the analogies are jokes. People trying their best to miss the point

Yeah some people have been more triggered by my question than by the facts about the met as a whole.

Most contributors seem to have shared their views in good faith. Lots of issues I hadn’t considered such as low pay and shift work, but for a casual relationship these are not important. I was mostly concerned about domestic violence and racism.

The fact that you'd consider this superficial at best means you lack understanding and at worst makes you best avoided. It's really not.

People, women especially, who are wary of people who work in a field that not only suffers from institutional misogyny but also has a culture of closing ranks and whining when faced with legitimate criticism are actually being completely sensible. They just are. It simply isn't the case with all other roles, though it's true the police aren't the only job where this or something similar applies.

Failure to understand and have due respect for this legitimate boundary, to criticise people for having it, is worrying.

It’s sad that you have had to spell it out Storm. I thought a lot of that would go without saying.

The votes still reflect the balance of my internal feelings when I started the thread but I have changed my mind since then.

The voting confused me to be honest. I wouldn't date a police officer but I wasn't too sure which way to vote, to reflect that