Would you date a Met detective?

[singleforareason]

A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume the toxic culture of someone’s workplace is any indication of their individual character but from Stephen Lawrence to Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman and Sarah Everard would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

I’d call them after a car accident if it wasn’t possible to exchange details at the scene, but only because it’s a legal requirement.

I know the police help and protect some people but they have also persecuted and harmed others. Especially people of colour.

The more I think about that the less unreasonable I feel.

I'm mixed race. I would call the police if there were other people around, if there weren't I wouldn't.

I would only call the police if I absolutely had to. If it was for something like a burglary I would arrange for someone to be with me when they turned up.

There is also a massive difference between encountering someone in their job and having a relationship with them.

Totally agree. I don't think every nurse has Beverley Allit tendencies or every doctor Harold Shipman.

Did over 1500 nurses or doctors commit similar crimes to those above in a 6 month period?

Because otherwise you're comparing apples with dynamite:

amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/mar/14/more-than-1500-uk-police-officers-accused-of-violence-against-women-in-six-months

'More than 1,500 police officers have been accused of violent offences against women and girls over a period of six months'

I’m married to an American law enforcement agent. It’s a tough, unpredictable life. But he is steady and calm, a good husband and a great father. Like all professions there are good and bad.

Absolutely not, neither would I date anyone from the army or any forces . I know there are wonderful people out there belonging to those groups but dealing with divorces on a daily basis , every time I see any of those professions on a man it’s guaranteed DV and abuse is the reason for the divorce .

What's naive is not recognising that certain professions attract a type.

I did date one.

Never again.

The purpose of the police is noble, to protect the innocent from criminals. Predators have always been drawn to positions of authority and power so as to get access to victims, so they of course infiltrate institutions where they can do that, like being police officers, judges, teachers, coaches, politicians, priests, ministers, charity heads etc.

Instead of condemning a noble profession, we should strive to rid those professions of predators and saboteurs.

To condemn a person for being a police officer or any of those others without finding out whether he or she is a good or bad person, is wrong.

Judge him for his character, not for the infiltrators who have taken over and corrupted an entity that is meant to be noble and for the common good.

No.

I’m hardly condemning someone just by having second thoughts about dating them!

The thing is regardless of whether you concerns are justified or not its also absolutely valid to not date someone just because you don't like their profession without having to feel bad about it

A vegan probably wouldn't date a farmer or a butcher or an abattoir worker even though many if not most of them are lovely people.

Someone might decide not to date a foster carer because their job had too high an impact on their personal lives.

Someone might decide not to date a nightshift worker because their social lives never synced up

A tee totaller might decide not to date a brewer etc etc

I think you are justified. But I also think you would be justified for just saying no anyway because you get to have free choice. If you were the kind of woman who only dated men in prison through letter writing I might be concerned but it would still be your choice.

I am a Met detective …. ( woman I’d that makes a difference ). I can’t say I’d date most of you either so win / win.

I know a serving front line copper in the Met who is mixed race so I don't think he's a racist. He is a lovely bloke, cares for his partner and baby, cooks, cleans. He is a football supporter though...

I'm sure she'll get over a bunch MNers not wanting to date her.

id be more worried about her colleagues than MNers not wanting to date her

You are attaching to this person all the bad things others have done. He didn’t do them. You are condemning a person for what others did and do. That is wrong. And the profession itself is noble. It is the corruption of it that is despicable. And it is despicable to equate an innocent person with a guilty one. That is what you’re doing. He might be an upstanding police detective who is doing good. That is some you would want to date, is it not?

Were Daniel Morgan, Stephen Lawrence, Jean Charles de Menezes and Blair Peach just very unlucky? Louise Casey could only fill 363 pages with failings.

The Job corrupts them. I watched my ex turn rotten.

No way. Way higher chances of them being some kind of nut.

So you’re doing exactly what you claim to despise in others, pinning crimes on the innocent. Your met detective has not been guilty of the bad things others have done, yet you’re pinning those things on him. Exactly what is done to others. Hypocrite.

Male relative of mine is one, I'm not married to him but he's a good man.
Anyone is free to date who they like, my relative is married so it won't be him you're considering.

A lucky escape for him then from my malevolence!

Good.

Op, you are a hypocrite. You are ok with yourself pinning bad things on innocent people. Because of that, I don’t believe you care about anybody, only appearing as if you do.

WTAF I worry for anyone considering joining the police if this is how peope are looking at them! Personally I think it is ridiculous that everyone is tarred with the same brush from a few bad eggs, how demoralising for all police officers :(

Okay, thanks for sharing your thoughts.