Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a Met detective?

285 replies

singleforareason · 04/06/2023 22:29

A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume the toxic culture of someone’s workplace is any indication of their individual character but from Stephen Lawrence to Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman and Sarah Everard would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

OP posts:
Hearti · 04/06/2023 23:11

I would be very wary. Also, adding to my concern would be the fact that the police personally have twice the national domestic abuse rates, with police being the perpetrator

BringMeTea · 04/06/2023 23:12

Not a chance.

Rightnowstraightaway · 04/06/2023 23:12

Yes I would. I don't think all policemen are dodgy anymore than all doctors or all teachers. You only tend to hear about the bad ones.

Fwiw though, I've only known one Met officer. He was definitely not violent at all, but he did cheat.

N4ish · 04/06/2023 23:13

No, I wouldn’t. There’s something rotten about the culture of the Met and it will take years to sort it all out. Have to say the new commissioner seems to be on the right track with proposed reforms.

willWillSmithsmith · 04/06/2023 23:14

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 23:09

Again, they're in a profession where affairs do seem to be rife.

Show quote history

I think affairs can be rife anywhere. I’ve worked in all sorts of industries (as a Secretary) and there were always affairs going on. A detective is not the same as a policeman is it? (I’m thinking of Columbo 😁).

MakesMeFeelSad · 04/06/2023 23:15

Yes I would

Clymene · 04/06/2023 23:17

No

TheTempest · 04/06/2023 23:19

No i wouldn’t. And I have met loads of police and work closely with them who are fab - it’s not the lifestyle for me and I absolutely wouldn’t want to take the risk that they were one of the bad ones.

suburbophobe · 04/06/2023 23:20

institutionally racist and sexist and homophobic

NO NO NO.

As a single mum with a biracial child and lots of gay friends and survived domestic violence no way.

FFS, had 2 police come to the house for a trespass while both my parents were in hospital. One outside smoking a fag, no problem, one inside after questioning me about the problem asked me if I was married FFS!

Creepy.

Awrite · 04/06/2023 23:20

I listened to a podcast where a psychologist explained the link between psychopathy and careers. Police officers scored very highly.

suburbophobe · 04/06/2023 23:21

I was home alone.

Linda409 · 04/06/2023 23:21

Absolutely not, no way, not ever. The Met are institutionally racist and misogynistic. If you are in it, you are a part of it.

Shodan · 04/06/2023 23:22

Yes, of course, if I fancied them. Although not now, because I'm extremely happy with DP, who is a common-or-garden Met officer.

The culture can be toxic, there's no denying that. But it's ridiculous to assume that all officers are the same. As ridiculous as saying all TV personalities are rotten, or football players, or medical staff.

However- you do have to made of stern stuff to be in a relationship with an officer (or detective). The hours are long, the shift pattern is hard work, and there are times when you need to be a sounding board/sympathetic ear. Also there is always the risk that they might not come back one day.

Gilead · 04/06/2023 23:22

Never!

EconomyClassRockstar · 04/06/2023 23:23

This thread is so confusing. I don't live in the UK but I have LOADS of friends who are police. Their marriages are just like everyone else's marriages. Some are brilliant, some are probably not and some are shit. Just like all my other friends.

mysonsmother82 · 04/06/2023 23:23

A no from me.

suburbophobe · 04/06/2023 23:23

@Awrite

Could you post a link to that podcast?

I've not had any dealings with creepy police types in the country I live in now....

nopuppiesallowed · 04/06/2023 23:26

All you people who definitely don't trust anyone in the police force, does that mean you wouldn't call for them if you had a car accident or were burgled? Yes - there are bound to be bad, immoral officers. There are also bad, immoral teachers, priests doctors etc. The press is down on them like a ton of bricks- and rightly so. But don't run away with the idea that they are all rotten.

IKnowItsNotMine · 04/06/2023 23:27

No they’re all murderers & rapists.
They don’t earn much either.

crackofdoom · 04/06/2023 23:29

I have a friend who was in a horribly abusive marriage with an ex Met officer, so nope.

BodegaSushi · 04/06/2023 23:30

Actually not dating a police officer and not dating a football fan are both valid.

Ditto. In fact, 'being into football' is an 'ick' of mine.

SophiaElizabethGrace · 04/06/2023 23:31

nopuppiesallowed · 04/06/2023 23:26

All you people who definitely don't trust anyone in the police force, does that mean you wouldn't call for them if you had a car accident or were burgled? Yes - there are bound to be bad, immoral officers. There are also bad, immoral teachers, priests doctors etc. The press is down on them like a ton of bricks- and rightly so. But don't run away with the idea that they are all rotten.

I know a lot of people who don't call the police, ever. Car accidents, burglaries, they deal with it themselves. They would never dream of calling the police.

I have dated a Met police officer, he was lovely. I do know others who aren't decent officers and shouldn't be employed. There are many problems within the police but I think it's naïve to think that there aren't also huge problems within other work places.

11112222 · 04/06/2023 23:31

I'd get to know them a bit first, and if I liked them, then I'd date them. Isn't that how it works?
I know a very nice, happily married with two kids copper. Lovely guy.
I thought this thread was going to be about worrying for their safety whilst working.

TheCyclingGorilla · 04/06/2023 23:31

Apart from the insane hours and the crappy work culture? Still no.

LizzieSiddal · 04/06/2023 23:32

I know someone who works in the Met, he’s actually a very nice person, quite unassuming and a very gentle man. His wife has just had a baby and he’s wonderful with him. So I can’t say I would never date one, but I’d have to have known them for a long time and know they were decent person before I dated them.