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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a Met detective?

285 replies

singleforareason · 04/06/2023 22:29

A quick poll. I suspect I’m being a little unreasonable. Not that I assume the toxic culture of someone’s workplace is any indication of their individual character but from Stephen Lawrence to Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman and Sarah Everard would anyone not see this job as a red flag?

OP posts:
Greenshake · 04/06/2023 22:59

I am married to a Police Officer. He is a good, kind and decent man. This post is unbelievable.

LeonardBobby · 04/06/2023 22:59

suburbophobe · 04/06/2023 22:54

Nah. I'm not into men in a uniform.

What uniform do detectives wear?

Catchasingmewithspiders · 04/06/2023 22:59

usernother · 04/06/2023 22:55

Why not?

Show quote history

1 in 8 soldiers has attacked someone, usually a family member, after coming back from Iraq or Afghanistan

I don't blame the soldiers, the UK is crap at looking after both our active military and even more so our veterans, and there is nowhere near enough support for those suffering from ptsd.

I still don't want to be the 1 in 8 though.

oranges29 · 04/06/2023 22:59

Nope never, I would never date a police officer

Marchintospring · 04/06/2023 23:00

What’s the link between cheating and being a police officer? I’ve known loads of cheaters but none were in the police.
Who do they cheat with…work colleagues or randoms?

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 23:00

bluedomino · 04/06/2023 22:57

Nope. Not a chance. Never met a copper who hasn't cheated.

I genuinely haven't either and I mean both male and female.

I worked in a police station for a while and my sister worked in one for 13 years.

Affairs were absolutely rife, I've never known anything like it.

fyn · 04/06/2023 23:01

@SpringIntoChaos these threads are guaranteed to be full of people sitting merrily at home talking about how absolutely dreadful the police and armed forces are. All whilst quite happy for the dreadful people to risk their lives to keep them safe though.

fancreek · 04/06/2023 23:01

40% of male police officers have admitted domestic violence. Then think how many haven't admitted. Nope nope nope

TheHateIsNotGood · 04/06/2023 23:02

If who I dated was based on Job alone then I'd give a Met Officer as much chance as anyone else, even the female ones if I was that way inclined.

I'd be far more wary of dating civil servants without a specific role and ECT teachers climbing the greasy pole than a police officer if I was in dating mode.

DumpedByText · 04/06/2023 23:03

Nope, definitely not! Was married to a Met policeman, he shagged a colleague when I was in the depths of PND, left me for her and she them cheated on him!

Loopyloo159 · 04/06/2023 23:03

Yep ,personality rather than job would interest me 🤷‍♀️

CheshireDing · 04/06/2023 23:04

How many male police officers are there in the Met ? Thousands

Yes there have been some high profile news reports recently about male Met officers but like anything then if it’s mentioned often people’s opinions become one sided

I would date one (he’d have to wear his uniform though) 🤣 😜

Loocheeyar · 04/06/2023 23:04

Absolutely not . The only one I know is a prolific cheat and raped me for years . He has spoken of the culture and his colleagues and it’s horrendous . He’s not a rare case . Showing off about how he treats the public and how they are scared of him .
married with two kids . Doubt she’s safe , but I got away finally ..

usernother · 04/06/2023 23:04

@Catchasingmewithspiders 1 in 8 soldiers has attacked someone, usually a family member, after coming back from Iraq or Afghanistan I don't blame the soldiers, the UK is crap at looking after both our active military and even more so our veterans, and there is nowhere near enough support for those suffering from ptsd. I still don't want to be the 1 in 8 though.

Up to you but I know lots of army couples who are very happy, and none of them have attacked people. I'd be proud to date someone in the military.

Sotheysaid · 04/06/2023 23:05

There are some really stupid replies to this post. The OP is actually ridiculous! There are good and bad people in every profession, tarring everyone with the 'same brush' is naive.

suburbophobe · 04/06/2023 23:05

@LeonardBobby

Don't go for men in suits either, unless at a wedding or something like that.

Don't get me wrong, I could have an interesting discussion with anyone who's a detective or police.

I'm not into anyone wearing any kind of uniform. Growing up in NI does that to you....

MelonsOnSaleAgain · 04/06/2023 23:07

No I would not. Not because I think they’re all horrible but the police demand challenging hours and lots of focus. I wouldn’t want a relationship like that so would probably swerve.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 04/06/2023 23:07

I mean - we can’t really generalise the whole of the MET office - that seems bonkers?!

Greentime101 · 04/06/2023 23:07

I suggest you evaluate the person for who they are - ridiculous assumptions on this post

willWillSmithsmith · 04/06/2023 23:08

What about female detectives? Are they a bad lot too?

Catchasingmewithspiders · 04/06/2023 23:08

usernother · 04/06/2023 23:04

@Catchasingmewithspiders 1 in 8 soldiers has attacked someone, usually a family member, after coming back from Iraq or Afghanistan I don't blame the soldiers, the UK is crap at looking after both our active military and even more so our veterans, and there is nowhere near enough support for those suffering from ptsd. I still don't want to be the 1 in 8 though.

Up to you but I know lots of army couples who are very happy, and none of them have attacked people. I'd be proud to date someone in the military.

And that's perfectly viable. I think people in the military are incredibly brave, that they take risks others wouldnt and that they don't deserve how crap this country treats them especially when they leave.

I totally understand why you would be proud to date someone in the military.

But it's also okay for people to say that they wouldn't especially considering the increased risk of domestic violence from military personnel.

Military personnel are three times more likely to perpetrate domestic violence than civilians. Given how many women on the thread may have already experienced domestic abuse its okay for women to say they don't want to take that risk.

NewPinkJacket · 04/06/2023 23:09

willWillSmithsmith · 04/06/2023 23:08

What about female detectives? Are they a bad lot too?

Again, they're in a profession where affairs do seem to be rife.

Original poster
singleforareason · 04/06/2023 23:09

Of course there are good and bad in every profession.

Some professions are more institutionally racist and sexist and homophobic than others though.

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 04/06/2023 23:11

I worked once with a lovely woman who's husband was in the police.

Brought it home to me when she said as they left for work she always hoped he would be back home that evening. i.e. it's a dangerous job.

I couldn't live that kind of life day to day....

Custardonthehob · 04/06/2023 23:11

I wouldn't. Same as I wouldn't want a family member to go into that profession. The amount of traumatic events they are exposed to must have an impact.