Any awful first date stories to cheer me up?

[SixKeys]

Just back from a terrible first date. Arrived at the restaurant which he chose. Had never heard of it before but it turned out it was a weird food hall place where you had to order on your phone and pay for your food before it arrived. So I ended up getting my food 15 mins before his which was awkward.

When I arrived he gave me a hug which was so tight I could barely breathe. Weird but maybe he didn't realise. Once his food arrived, he ended up getting half of it down his beard which gave me the ick, especially as he didn't remove it and it just sat there looking gross.

He spilled some sauce on his shirt then proceeded to lick it off.

He then declared that he 'knew we'd get on like a house on fire when he first saw my profile' whilst I sat there wishing the time would move faster.

He wanted to order dessert but I said I was full but he proceeded to order anyway so had to sit and watch him finish his. He kept trying to get me to try some even though I told him twice that I couldn't eat ice cream as I don't eat dairy.

He also stuck his finger in his ear probably 3 or 4 times and wiped it on his trouser leg each time.

It was just awful and I wasn't brave enough to leave and tell him it wasn't working out, because he did seem like quite a sweet but very immature man(child).

I'm so tired of first dates....

Anyone else been on a date through OLD where they have been entirely different to how you imagined?

Another one! Not a blind date though. I was 17 and had gone to the local working men’s club with my parents. They went every Sunday and this particular week a local band was playing, a blues band. I love a good R&B band. The lead singer spotted me in the crowd, well, I was the youngest there.
He asked me for a date, he lived in the next town which was in the bus route so we arranged to meet halfway. Mother insisted on lending me a new handbag she’d bought, Now mother had a passing resemblance to our late Queen Elizabeth 11. She embraced it totally, hairstyle, clothing including handbags, the handles over the forearm, solid as a rock could stop a missile at ten paces type.
I’m small, was a size 8 (sigh). The date went well, I kicked the bag under the table in the coffee bar so it was out of the way. He walked me to the bus stop at the end of the night and tried to snog me…it all went horribly wrong, the bag got trapped in the middle of us, I tried to move it but the reinforced edge caught him in the knackers..…he went a funny colour and staggered off and threw up!
The bus was almost at the bus stop by then. It was the last bus and so I had to jump on..never saw him again.

He got stoned and fell asleep, suffice to say I snuck out... 😂

Fucking hell.

Told before, but set up on a blind date by my mates bf (who was a bit older than her). This was late 70s.Met in a big group, I was 18, slim, new top, haircut, confident.He rocks up in his beat up panel van (yes with mattress, stereo and lights) he must have been about 30, greasy jeans, cowboy hat, black nails(muck not polish). But I thought, don’t be judgemental, he might be a prince. Then he spoke and had no front teeth. No, don’t judge. Didn’t ask what I wanted to drink, just brought a double tequila and orange. And leered, winked and made a comment about it “doing the trick”. Then said, “I don’t usually go for fat chicks(I was an 8), but I’ll give you a go” Mates bf got the hump because I wouldn’t go home with his vile mate.
mind you my first date with dh was pretty crap. We wrote it off, but then got together 6 months later and been together 40 years.

Profile photo like Antonio Banderas.

Actually like Danny Divito

No idea how he expected me not to notice!

@mysonsmother82

Another.. Good company V good looking BUT the first time we had sex he shouted Mum mum mum when he climaxed

Was he French? 😳

Hahaha. No!
I asked him why and he said that to stop himself finishing to quickly he thought about the time he caught his mum sunbathing naked. Nice and normal.

I was once told that an egotist is someone who shouts out his own name when climaxing.

I’ve only recently joined Bumble so these stories making me wonder if should just delete 😱

Only had 2 dates so far. Neither terrible but not great either.

First guy had said he was 6ft but was pretty much my height (5’7) and a lot bigger than he looked in photos. Nice enough bloke but kept saying he wants to settle down, meet the one, find his soulmate - before we’d finished the first drink.
He then told me he’s not hood on his own but taken time out to decide what he what’s after his last engagement broke up - I said that’s a good idea to take time out but turns out that his engagement broke off 2 months ago. He thought that was ‘taking time out’. He then proceeded to tell me how the menopause made her moody and he hates moody women.

Second bloke loved sound of his item voice and talked about himself non stop, even interrupting me mid flow to steer it back to him.
He said to be to order what I want as it’s on him. I thanked him and his reply ‘yeah I’ll put it on company card and cld it back as a business lunch’ - what a charmer!!

Did get chatting to someone recently who seemed really nice and we had s date arranged for the Saturday. Then Friday I was at work and my phone pinged - he sent me a naked photo so I knew what I was gonna be getting 🤦‍♀️ then called me a prudish drama Queen when I told him I thought it was too much too soon and inappropriate.

So I’ve pretty much given up as soon as I’ve started tbh

Oh dear god SamW78 what a baptism of fire! Stick at it, there are some decent ones on there I promise! I’ve been on 20+ dates from bumble and finally found someone decent and kind (so far 🤞🏽) and just like his pics!

Bagles...was he from the Black Country by any chance?

Aww don't give up. When I was doing OLD my 'hit' rate was 1 in 30. ie it took 30 dates before meeting someone decent. Whilst I kissed a lot of frogs, I did meet 2 decent men with whom I had short relationships (3 / 4 months) and then my current DP who I've been with for 4 years.

Not my stories but a few from friends

One mate was chatting to a guy online during lockdown and as nothing was open they went for a drive to the seaside and sat in car chatting then he suddenly pounced on her for a snog. She politely said no it was too soon let’s meet again and go slower.
He messaged that evening saying she’s obviously got a problem with sex and it wont work because of his high sex drive 😫

Another friend met a bloke who was at least 10/15 years older than his photos and wearing an obvious wig. She didn’t say anything until he got up for the loo, tripped up a step and his wig went all skewered/ and he didn’t notice sat back down with a wonky wig

And my favourite ever - male friend met a lady online who in his words was 20 years older and 10 stone heavier than her photos. But they’d got on well so he decided to give her a chance.
Asked what she wanted to drink and she replied ‘pint of Stella’ so he obliged and she knocked back pint after pint and was absolutely pissed.

He called time on the date and said he’d walk her back to station. She was all over the place, couldn’t walk in a straight line and so he held her hand just to keep her upright - which she took as a cue that he was interested.

As they walked round the corner from the pub, there were two young very drunk girls sitting on pavement next to a small wall. He swerved around them and dragged her by the hand but she was too slow, tripped over one of the girls legs and went head first over the wall. He leaned over to help her up and noticed her leg was at an angle - yep she’d broken it and was screaming in agony.

So he called an ambulance and out of guilt and fury went along to hospital with her where she needed surgery which had to wait til she had sobered up.

He made his excuse and left - actually making last orders on his local.
A couple of days later she messaged telling him how much she’d enjoyed the date and would love to see him again 😱

I was the awful first date, an extremely good looking guy who I was studying with asked me out to the cinema. I agreed and invited a bunch of our mutual friends from the same course, we all watched the film and had a great time. Just as we were all leaving he made this loaded comment mid-conversation (I can't remember the exact words as it was more than a decade ago) like: "you know, like someone who would bring along all their friends on a date" and shot me this look. I was all like 😯? ?and he was just laughing and kind of shaking his head at me (because he was lovely as well as gorgeous). We all left that place very soon after as it was a short study course, I've never been asked out by someone so nice before or since. It just never crossed my mind that someone like him was asking me on a date 😔

Not first date but it can't get much worse
Met someone, dated him for 10 months. Found out he was actually engaged which he conveniently forgot to mention
Not sure how you forget you've got a girlfriend you've been with for 11 years

That was my first time back dating after a bad breakup, and my last. Can't face it again

This is hilarious!

Not so much a bad first date, more what happened next

Met a guy through the lonely hearts in the paper (def showing my age here!) swapped a few messages and agreed to a date, went to the cinema & for a few drinks, all went fine, he seemed a nice enough guy, but there was no spark, so I messaged him the next day to say thank you but I couldn't see it going anywhere, he kept begging for another chance, but i stood firm, then he threatened to commit suicide! But still i said no.

Couple of weeks later i get a message from his number, saying "this is john, pauls mate, (not real names) i hope your happy with yourself because paul has killed himself because you were too selfish to give him another chance" I didn't bother replying, then a few days later paul text to apologise for pretending to be his mate and for pretending to have killed himself, but that he was just so upset at not getting another chance with someone as lovely as me

Thankfully after that i finally worked out how to do it and blocked his number and never dated anyone from the newspaper again!

Here's mine....

Started chatting to a guy who was the year above me at school. He didn't remember me but I remembered him as I fancied the pants off him.

He was absolutely full of red flags which I obviously ignored because because I was like a school girl again and couldn't believe I was talking to Kev from year 11.

We were supposed to go to a nice pub for a meal and a few drinks for our first date. I had put so much effort into looking nice for it. You name it - id done it.

Anyway, an hour before we were supposed to meet, he text and asked if I could go to his house first. Alarm bells rang but I knew who he was, I knew where he lived and I actually knew who his house mate was too. So I agreed thinking we were going to the pub from his house.

Wrong. I got there....he admitted he had just been to the pub and didn't fancy going back out.

In his house he had:

Zero food
Zero drink except for beer
Zero cutlery
Zero.....anything!

His house was pretty much empty. It was dirty. It was just horrific.

We then both sat on his sofa for about 4 hours drinking cans of beer whilst I sat listen to him talk about his ex for the majority of the time.

I was absolutely gutted. And drinking on an empty stomach. I ended up embarrassingly bursting into tears. I cried on his shoulder.

It was midnight at this point. He left me to walk 1.5 miles home....alone.

Sadly I still see him on a daily basis as his daughter goes to the same school as my dd. Not awkward at all....

"tout comprendre c'est tout pardonner" doesn't really cut it in this case 😮

I once went on a date with a man about 10 years older than me who told me during our starter he only dated younger women because he could 'mould them into the kind of person he wanted them to be'...

I was broke at the time so I 'moulded' him into paying for a three course meal and expensive wine then declined his offer for a lift home and ignored his future messages.

There are some great ones here.
But this just made me laugh out loud...kudos for Kevin Keegan perm reference. Many lads could not carry them off.

Years ago when I was single, met a guy on old. Arranged to meet in the cinema car park ( can't remember the film that I'd booked). He turned up in a shiny turquoise tracksuit ( matching top and bottoms) and asked if I fancied climbing into the back seat for a pre film cuddle. I couldn't even bring myself to go in and watch the film so made my excuses and left.

This one never got as far as a date not very recently I matched with a guy on bumble and we had a lot in common. We chatted every day on phone for a week and arranged to go out the following week to a new bar opening near me.
I was a little bit put off by the fact he sent me selfies 3/4/5 times a day every day but I let it go.
Then he sent me a photo of his legs and said he’d been on sun bed. So I went ok. He replied - I expected more of a response than that. So I replied ‘ok what sort of response did you expect’
He replied ‘I want you to tell me how much you love my brown legs’ 😱

I ignored it as I was working then about 10 minutes later he replied ‘if you can’t even pay your boyfriend compliments then I think it’s a bit sad’

WTAF?????

I replied if he wants a woman to blow smoke up his arse then I’m not the one.

Didn’t message him or hear another word until the morning of our planned date asking if it was still on as he had til midday to cancel hotel and if it’s on would I be staying in hotel with him.

Omg I got chatting to someone like that a few years ago. He would send me about 5 selfies every day, all the same facial expression, everything! He was like…. “I’m just laid on the sofa” (sends selfie), half an hour later he would message me with “I’m just at the supermarket” and sends another selfie, and then a bit later “just having my dinner” and sends yet another selfie of his same boring facial expression! I got so bored with him and his love himself attitude I just blocked him. He then messaged me on the app asking why I’d blocked him and not had the decency to tell him why!
Is there any wonder some of these men are single 🤣