Any awful first date stories to cheer me up?

[SixKeys]

Just back from a terrible first date. Arrived at the restaurant which he chose. Had never heard of it before but it turned out it was a weird food hall place where you had to order on your phone and pay for your food before it arrived. So I ended up getting my food 15 mins before his which was awkward.

When I arrived he gave me a hug which was so tight I could barely breathe. Weird but maybe he didn't realise. Once his food arrived, he ended up getting half of it down his beard which gave me the ick, especially as he didn't remove it and it just sat there looking gross.

He spilled some sauce on his shirt then proceeded to lick it off.

He then declared that he 'knew we'd get on like a house on fire when he first saw my profile' whilst I sat there wishing the time would move faster.

He wanted to order dessert but I said I was full but he proceeded to order anyway so had to sit and watch him finish his. He kept trying to get me to try some even though I told him twice that I couldn't eat ice cream as I don't eat dairy.

He also stuck his finger in his ear probably 3 or 4 times and wiped it on his trouser leg each time.

It was just awful and I wasn't brave enough to leave and tell him it wasn't working out, because he did seem like quite a sweet but very immature man(child).

I'm so tired of first dates....

Anyone else been on a date through OLD where they have been entirely different to how you imagined?

So many. One, nice bloke but should have been getting married that day and she had called it off so it ended up being a therapy session. Another, told me about the time he had shat himself in public. Massive talker. Every time I started a sentence it was 'just a sec, I've got a story like that'.

Ok I don't want to know but I have to know 😂 why the hell did he shag his mum?!?!? Dear lord there are some absolute bloody psychos out there 🤦‍♀️

I could write a book. But the worst one was when my date asked me if my periods were regular. It turned out that the last (unfortunate) woman he'd dated had endometriosis and had 'completely wasted his time'. He wanted to be a dad and wasn't prepared to wait much longer. I left.

Asked me back to his place after snogging at a party where he proceeded to put on 'major fraud', the documentary about the who wants to be a millionaire cheater, then he fell asleep. 7 years later and we got married last wknd 😂

Went on a blind date with this guy when I was about 19 or 20. He thought that growling at me would turn me on. It really didn't. There was no second date after that.

Very first date ever as a teen slammed my finger in a door and spent most of it bleeding and crying

I went to a sped dating event. No one else turned up so the pub gave up. It was Valentine’s Day too!

I am dying to know what you sang that scared them off? What you were singing while they legged it...

I have a couple!

One guy was clearly a lot younger than he'd said which I wasn't looking for at all. Proceeded to look extremely bored and barely say anything when I talked but didn't make much conversation either so we just sat in silence a lot. Then insisted on walking me back to where I was parked, got very handsy, then tried to grope my bum when we hugged goodbye. He went in for a kiss but I pulled away and never contacted him again.

Another guy brought me a bunch of flowers when we met up. Which would have been very sweet except for the fact that we were going for a walk on the beach on an extremely hot and sunny day and I had ridden there on my motorbike (which he knew). Poor flowers didn't stand a chance!

One more, we met up to go for a walk and have a bbq on the beach. I brought everything with me in a backpack (including the coals) just in case but thinking he'd probably contribute too. He brought nothing, not even drinks despite having a massive van. He was super boring and didn't even offer to help me carry anything! Didn't lift a finger the whole date.

Ooh, there was also the guy who turned up having just come from work - no problem with that but he turned up on a scooter (moped), covered in dirt and still wearing his dusty hi vis gear from the building site 😬

God I realise I've had a lot of bad dates lol 😂

This is brilliant!

Another old one ... I'd been having issues with my camera for a while and couldn't afford a new one (this was so long ago I didn't have a smart phone, well some people probably had then but I had a brick for years, actually got laughed at for my phone on a few occasions). I had no photos up on my profile but was still getting some communications. Of course they wanted photos sooner or later, and I rushed a few photos with my dodgy digital camera. They came out a bit blurred and streaky in places. One was probably flattering in its blurredness. I sent them to a guy who wanted some before a first date and didn't think too much of it because I thought, from our profiles, that we'd be relatively unlikely to click.

I was correct on that front; we were unlikely to click but also, due to the blurry photos (and me having a touch of the cold) the guy stared and stared and stared at my face from the start of the date...he stared so much that I started babbling about shit (a sports/cultural event in our town) because I was so uncomfortable.

Eventually he said "do you have a cold or something, you look something (can't remember the word he used) around the eyes.

He was so clearly not interested that when he mentioned a visitor staying in his home, I said "oh my goodness, you've got a guest and I'm keeping you back, you better get back to them,". He generously offered for me to finish my drink, I said no. He then offered me a lift on his way and I figured he was clearly so unattracted that he was presumably not a sexual assault risk so I accepted because it was late ish and I didn't have a car at that time.
He threw out some platitude about keeping in touch and of course I didn't/we didn't.

During the date the only thing he really talked about was how he and his ex gf had bred and raised bagles together. Bagles; that's how he pronounced it.
He was a beagle breeder and appeared to think they were called bagles.

had a few blind dates years ago,1 was an undertaker turned up in a hearse,another a farmer brought a friend with him kept making weird jokes about having sex with a chicken.another got a phone call to say his cow was in labour,another said guess what his job was. he finally told me under cover BENEFITS,another kept asking me to go back to his house for sex after half an our in a pub,

We arranged to meet at Starbucks. Once we arrived he declared that he doesn’t like coffee and didn’t get anything.
Was also very different to his profile pic.

There wasn’t a second date 😂

Before a date we stopped at a supermarket. He saw three lads walking out and promptly threw himself on the floor and crawled away. Apparently he mistook a cigarette for a gun and decided to save himself.

OLD. The guy who I met for dinner who proceeded to tell me that he had been arrested for domestic violence towards his ex wife (but it was all a "misunderstanding" apparently), that his mum would like me because "you're white", and then asked me if it was ok if his best mate joined us as he was waiting outside the restaurant to meet me!

I couldn't get out of there fast enough, although not without asking him first whether he really thought any of the things that he'd said to me that evening would enamour any woman to him.

Thing is I'd been speaking to him for a good couple of weeks and we seemed to get on really well! Clearly I'm not a good judge of character.

A male friend went on a first date with a woman who brought her 5 year old with her. No previous mention of a child and no explanation. Ended up in Mcdonalds for a happy meal apparently! Unfortunately he didn’t want children so no second date

I love karaoke but singing karaoke on a first date whilst you left him sat alone!? Sorry but I don't blame him for doing a runner!

I went on a date with a man (boy more like) who I met at work, he seemed like a normal rational human being. We were waiting for a train home as we'd gone to a music shop with old vinyls etc and he started trying to trip me up by putting his foot behind mine and pushing me backwards 🤨 When I began telling him that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now in an attempt to let him down gently he told me (and I shit you not) "Yeah, you're probably right. I've got a baby dick anyway" umm OK?

I've remembered another one. I arranged to meet a guy at a club. He was late and then spent the night pretending to be an ant to tickle me, complete with finger antenna and strange...ant noises. He couldn't understand why I declined a second date.

He spoke non stop all night about his ex, he asked me things about me and then compared every answer to her. Either she had done it too, not done it etc.
He then proceeded to cry over his dinner and told me he was depressed and his medication made it difficult to get an erection and would that be a problem…by then no, for me it really wasn’t!
He thought the date went well and asked to meet up again and could he meet my daughter?? No chance!

In my early 20's I worked in a busy company with external clients coming in all day. I got chatting to a young guy who I thought was lovely. I went for lunch and when I returned, a colleague gave me a phone number written on paper that has been left for me!

That night, I called the guy and arranged a date. On arrival at the restaurant though- I realised that it wasn't the young guy I'd been chatting to, but a MUCH older man who was also visited the office that day!

I got through the meal whilst he talked about his multiple companies and success. At the end, he pulled out a large jar of coins and proceeded to count them out on the table and put them into stacks. He then said 'well, I wasn't expecting you to also have a dessert!' I paid my half, said I needed to go and left him still counting his coin stacks whilst the wait staff were eye rolling behind him. 🙄

I met a guy, been on a couple of dates, all pub type places, ended up going back to his, woke up the next morning at 9am and he cracked open a beer and offered me one.

These are brilliant!

The guy who declared he loved me, on the third date!

Met a guy in a takeaway and swapped numbers, I was 22.
Our first date was a week or two later. I caught the bus to his part of town and we were meant to go for a few drinks.
He met me at the bus stop and asked if it was ok to go to his house first as he had to drop something off.
When we arrived his mum and step dad, who we about 35 I might add, were clearly smoking very strong weed in the kitchen . They offered me some. I declined.

We escaped and he took me to a working man's club for a drink. He got me a drink then left me chatting to some old men for a good while, maybe half an hour. The bingo was announced. I looked up. He was onstage. He worked there and was helping out with bingo!! I had to chat to old men again and for most of the evening!
The worst part is I didn't scarper, I was drunk and still fancied him and was young and stupid so I went back to his house after.
His bedroom was just a smelly mattress on the floor...no bed! The mattress wasn't even clean ..I felt like I was getting fleas.
God knows why I stayed there but I had sex with him and after no sleep and a very unsettled night, I left at 6am to catch the first bus home.
😳😂

She was blindfolded and having a gang bang, he heard it happening and took a turn! It doesn't seem like his mum knew it happened.