Any awful first date stories to cheer me up?

[SixKeys]

Just back from a terrible first date. Arrived at the restaurant which he chose. Had never heard of it before but it turned out it was a weird food hall place where you had to order on your phone and pay for your food before it arrived. So I ended up getting my food 15 mins before his which was awkward.

When I arrived he gave me a hug which was so tight I could barely breathe. Weird but maybe he didn't realise. Once his food arrived, he ended up getting half of it down his beard which gave me the ick, especially as he didn't remove it and it just sat there looking gross.

He spilled some sauce on his shirt then proceeded to lick it off.

He then declared that he 'knew we'd get on like a house on fire when he first saw my profile' whilst I sat there wishing the time would move faster.

He wanted to order dessert but I said I was full but he proceeded to order anyway so had to sit and watch him finish his. He kept trying to get me to try some even though I told him twice that I couldn't eat ice cream as I don't eat dairy.

He also stuck his finger in his ear probably 3 or 4 times and wiped it on his trouser leg each time.

It was just awful and I wasn't brave enough to leave and tell him it wasn't working out, because he did seem like quite a sweet but very immature man(child).

I'm so tired of first dates....

Anyone else been on a date through OLD where they have been entirely different to how you imagined?

I was 23 and he was 45.
I wasn't sure but he'd been asking me out for a while so I thought why not see how a date goes.
We'd planned to go to the cinema to see the film on Stephen Hawking.
He turned up 30 mins late with his hair still wet! We went inside and took our seats and then he proceeded to talk through the entire movie (except when he stood up to go to the bathroom and pretended to thrust in my face as he went past me).
After the movie he asked me back to his for a shag.
I said no.
He asked me if he could drop me off home.
I said no.
He texted me that night asking if I had felt a connection between us.
I said no.

I've got a couple.
One guy picked up the bone from a lamb chop.. this was in a restaurant btw and sucked on the bone. He then licked the plate. That was the end of that.

Another.. Good company V good looking BUT the first time we had sex he shouted Mum mum mum when he climaxed.

Currently I'm 2yrs married to a man I met 8 years ago online dating.

I had a dare with someone who claimed to be brought up
In my city. But from the way he spoke clearly hadn't been to school in the city. He was from an Italian family. And I suspect was brought up there m. That's fine by me. But the feeling that he wasn't being honest completely put him off. And he was quite arrogant as well!

I once went out with a guy who I thought was just a friend, realised to my horror half way through that he thought it was a date ( I had thought the suit was weird)… he then proceeded to tell me all about his tinnitus and psoriasis.

Then there was the time I went on a double date for first date with a guy who I had really liked for a long time. When I arrived my friends date was my ex bf, who gleefully enjoyed relating personal anecdotes to my date and pointed out things like a spot that had appeared on my chin to embarrass me.

You have my empathy op.

I've got two.

1. The widower who proceeded to tell me in excruciating detail how his poor wife died (I mean literally every detail) After about 20 mins of this, I realised I needed the loo but knew it would look callous if I got up mid story so held on. Awful as it sounds, I kept wishing he'd get to the point as I don't have a strong bladder and I was literally bursting by the time his poor DW died in the story. He basically told me he wanted someone to look after his DC but that no one would ever replace his DW. Totally understand the pain he was going through and his situation but did wonder what was in it for me. When I asked, he couldn't answer. He also had horrible nails.
2. The guy who said that for him food is fuel and he got no enjoyment out of eating. That was never going to work for me. After a couple of drinks, he asked if I'd like to 'chat' in the back of his van. When I declined, he drove off in a huff.

I met a man from OLD and made the mistake of talking to him on the phone a lot (for about 3 months before meeting) so by the time we did meet, I'd built up this mental image of him. Big mistake! We went for lunch and as we waited for our good to arrive he pulled out an estate agent's brochure with a house he'd just purchased 'for us'. He went on to say that he didn't really want to marry me but 'God' had told him he should and actually I'd probably help him to 'reform'.

At the end of the date, despite me moving further and further away from him, he pulled me close for a hug, started to nuzzle my neck and put his tongue in my ear! I bolted after that.

Haven't gotten to the end of the thread, so I don't know if you've elaborated on this... but fucking woah! This is just 🤯

🤣🤣🤣

Oh God you win this thread! Or lose, not sure which 😄

I had a date with a guy and it seemed to be going well but things took a strange turn for me when he said he’d like to keep dating me but could I please not shave my pits or legs. 😮 I didn’t see him again.

😯😯😯😯

Haha probably. Didn't work though

Many moons ago before the natternet was invented, like a previous poster I had a date via the lonely hearts column in the newspaper.
Chatted with a potential date on the phone a couple of times and arranged to meet.
You know when you see something horrible, like a nasty wound or such and your fanny does that weird cringing, tightening type movement thing? That was me!
This bloke was nothing, nothing like his description of himself.
He was around 5'3", fat, balding with an old man's horseshoe haircut, had a few bristles that tried to pass itself off as a moustache and a missing front tooth!
After gulping down a coffee, I made my excuses and took off at speed to my car with him chasing me down the street, declaring his undying love at the top of his voice.
'Come back ToeJammed, I love yooooo, don't leave darling '
The next day, the phone rang and it was him, telling me to please not hang up until he'd said what he wanted to say. Meanwhile I could hear a commotion in the background so I asked him what on earth was going on there.
' it's my wife and five kids ' he says, ' I've just told her I'm leaving her for you, I can't live without yoooo'
Er, what wife and five kids? You never mentioned them before 😯
I put the phone down and actually rang the phone company to change my number ( landline )
I have no idea what happened to him after that, divorce I'd imagine 😂
Second one, same method, lonely hearts column.
Met him at a pub where he proceeded to talk in depth about his mum, he was obsessed with her. My mum this, my mum that.
I made the excuse that I needed the loo, which was beside an entrance / exit.
I turned left when I came out of the loo, bent double while I ran past the pub window and jumped straight into the nearest taxi.
I often wonder how long it took him to realise that he'd been abandoned 😂
I gave up after that

Had a couple of horrors in my time. The first was a maths teacher. We went out on a school night - on a weekday, he told me he hadn't been wearing pants all day! He then left early because his flat mate messaged to say teachers fish tank was broken but sent me fishy rescue photos that night to prove it wasn't a dodge. He then proceeeded to tell me about his foot fetish & the really specific foot things he wanted us to do. I don't have a foot fetish. Blocked.

One who I think did a runner. I styled out the drink and spent the night out with friends. He's the only one to ever do that so I'm saying that's him not me!

The musician one who turned up in a bow tie, only drank rum, tried to get me to order a second main to share alongside our meals, who constantly played percussion on his knees and vocalised and saw there was a bakery that shared a surname of a jazz musician nearby. He insisted on walking by there to see if there was a connection. There isn't. Remarkably we had 2 dates. He spilt treacle sauce on his smart watch on the second date and his tongue licking it off gave me the ick and brought me to my senses!

The one that very different to his pics and we just had an aimless walk around London while he asked me sexual questions. We passed his flat and he claimed to need something- I refused to accompany him in. We were v near the tube so I waited, let him walk me back, said I'd think about being "fuck buddies" and blocked him once out of sight.

A guy who super liked me on Tinder but the chat fizzled. He messaged me back a couple of months later and just directly asked me out. I said ok. He immediately became a bit clingy about making small talk in the intervening few days but I thought he was just trying to keep a conversation going.

Went to meet him. He immediately wanted to hold my hand in his clammy one and wouldn't take no for an answer. He then insisted on a stroll through the secluded park to reach the restaurant. I made a point of calling friends at this point because I was sure I was going to die. However we were the same height - 5'3, I was probably heavier and I figured I could attack him with a stiletto if he tried anything. He then told me alllllllll about his martial arts prowess. I was convinced I was going to die in the park.

Still, we reached the restaurant, I hid in the loo for a bit reassuring friends I was alive and worked out that I couldn't leave without him seeing so stuck out 3 courses of him droning on about himself and his anime obsession . He insisted on paying - I begged to split - and asked me to properly be his gf on the walk down the street back to the station and was devastated when I said no - but stuck it out til the barriers at the station! He wanted to be text buddies afterwards. I said ok but blocked him once out of eyeline.

However I'm typing this next to DP- who I met OLD. We're getting married in a few months

Also had a great date with someone but distance fizzled it. I later found out he was on bail at the time. He was jailed 2 months later for a sexual offence. I hadn't had a single iffy vibe off him. Was really shocked and relieved it never went further.

This is my favourite 😂

My (now) wife nose-bled all over my face when we kissed on our date.

Although I have to admit, I was one of those bad dates... somehow managed to slip off a kerb and showed up all bloody-faced. She was nice enough to escort me to a pharmacy and get drinks, but it didn't make it to a second date.

I bet he said 'Oh, I guess you're still looking for Mr Right?', and she replied 'No, just Mr Big'.

I got told I used words that were too long and I was too clever, he told me I should put that I have a degree in my tinder profile because not all men like that sort of woman

I know Stone Age attitude or what! All the crazies are on tinder

Was the second guy French....

Ha dooneyousmugelf

Was the second guy French...
tres bien 🤣🤣

Quite a few - bloke as soon as he saw me tried to shove his tongue down my throat. Tried to hold my hand, grope me in a lift, me continuously trying to fend him off. Not listening to a word I said but talking over me. I hide in the toilets for half hour, was not taking the hint and I was getting quite scared - he was waiting outside. Followed me to the local superdrug ( I needed migraine tablets at this point) in the end I had to say that his attitude was horrible. He burst in to tears said he was upset about the loss of his mother, and he wasn’t ready to date - then proceeded to swear at me!

😂😂😂