Any awful first date stories to cheer me up?

[SixKeys]

Just back from a terrible first date. Arrived at the restaurant which he chose. Had never heard of it before but it turned out it was a weird food hall place where you had to order on your phone and pay for your food before it arrived. So I ended up getting my food 15 mins before his which was awkward.

When I arrived he gave me a hug which was so tight I could barely breathe. Weird but maybe he didn't realise. Once his food arrived, he ended up getting half of it down his beard which gave me the ick, especially as he didn't remove it and it just sat there looking gross.

He spilled some sauce on his shirt then proceeded to lick it off.

He then declared that he 'knew we'd get on like a house on fire when he first saw my profile' whilst I sat there wishing the time would move faster.

He wanted to order dessert but I said I was full but he proceeded to order anyway so had to sit and watch him finish his. He kept trying to get me to try some even though I told him twice that I couldn't eat ice cream as I don't eat dairy.

He also stuck his finger in his ear probably 3 or 4 times and wiped it on his trouser leg each time.

It was just awful and I wasn't brave enough to leave and tell him it wasn't working out, because he did seem like quite a sweet but very immature man(child).

I'm so tired of first dates....

Anyone else been on a date through OLD where they have been entirely different to how you imagined?

I’ve remembered another one now. The guy who lived about 20 minutes from me, who asked to meet me. Said he knew of this really great pub, 45 minutes in the opposite direction for both of us. Still though, for a great pub, I was willing.

pulled up in the cultural hotspot that is cannock, to find that this great pub was a hungry horse in the middle of a retail park.

because of the distance, we’d both drove so it was soft drinks for the both of us. He proceeded to use the c-word (don’t want to offend anyone) every other sentence as if to prove how daring and edgy he was. At the end, he asked me back to his, which I naturally declined. He then moved in for a kiss, I was a little taken aback so wasn’t prepared. It was literally a peck, closed mouths, no tongues. He messaged me later enthusing about how good the kiss was.

Met someone at Nottinghill Carnival. We agreed to meet at my local train station. When I got there I walked straight past him and didn't recognise him. He had bad teeth and a old pull string Aston Martin bag.

We went for a walk and he was telling me about his life and what he used to do and a lot of talks about regrets. He then said could we stop for a minute. He then got some hash out and made a spliff. Whilst I was waiting I noticed his clothes were covered in hot rocks even the bag.

He spoke about his bag alot. Did I notice it? What did I think? And then told me that his friends take the piss out of him for it but he loves it.

I don't know why, but I agreed to meet up again halfway between mine and his at the train station. I got off the train and saw him at the platform with the bag again and said that I needed to go meet my friends. He said that he could come and I said no sorry and scarpered onto the next train.

I was about 19 and went to get a puncture fixed on my car. Guy at the tyre place asked me out and seemed nice enough so we arranged to go to the pictures.
When I got there, he was clearly drunk (maybe on something as well? Certainly very twitchy and hyper). He said he'd spent the last of his money on the bus so could I get the tickets? I bought the tickets and went to queue for popcorn. He said he didn't want me to get food because he couldn't pay for it so it made him look bad!! I was raging at this point but went into the cinema and sat down. The film had Gerard Butler in it and he kept asking loudly if I fancied him. I didn't but just said 'He's ok'...he went mental because he looks nothing like Gerard Butler so how could I fancy them both if they looked nothing alike 😂
Tried 'going to the toilet' to make a run for it but he followed me to the ladies and waited outside 😥by this point I'm getting scared.
When the film finally finished, I said I'd had a nice time but I really had to go as I had Uni early in the morning. He followed me out to my car and said he had no money to get home so I would have to drive him...in hindsight I should have called the bloody police but I was young/stupid and didn't know how to get rid of him so I drove him towards the rough area he said he stayed in but then he wouldn't direct me to his house. I should say on the drive, he proudly told me he had been in the army but got sent to army prison and discharged because he bit a hole in another mans face 😭
I eventually just pull over in the area he said he lived and said he would need to go because I really had to get home. Took about half an hour of trying to stop him groping/kissing me before he finally got out...my little corsa had never been driven the way it was driven home that night!
When I said over text that I didn't want another date, he couldn't understand what had gone wrong and offered to at least wash my car for free 😂

One where the guy seemed to have a ‘thing’ for necks, and kept calling me a sexy giraffe 😂😩 I couldn’t get out of there fast enough!

I love these kind of threads 😀mine are pretty tame in comparison to some.

Mid 80s, long before OLD, Internet, smartphones, hell some folk (me included) didn't even have a land line!!
So it was local paper, lonely hearts.
Got lots of replies, some a bit dodgy. Arranged a date with a guy, few years older but not really an issue for me. Picked me up in his car went to a wine bar. He then proceeded to tell me all about his ex, blah blah blah . Barely asked me anything about me.
Then he asked me if I knew his ex. I replied no I didn't. He then said he was asking because he thought his ex may have collaborated with his ex to set up the date!!
I excused myself to the ladies to scope out if there was another door I could escape from without walking past him., Sadly there wasn't 😞
He kindly dropped me back off at home and said shall we meet again next week. I said yes because I was to polite to say no you're a boring ex-obsessed twat.
A couple of days later I received a letter saying he didn't think it would work for us, enclosing a stamped addressed envelope for me to return the photo he had sent me 😅😅😅

A friend set me up on a blind date with a mate of her boy friend. We were to meet outside the Odeon cinema, the description she gave me was he’s tall, dark hair, medium build and wears glasses. I arrived at the Odeon and waited, and waited and waited, all of this time I noticed a short, skinny blond guy stood further up. Nothing at all like the description of the bloke I was supposed to meet.

I eventually gave up and went home. The following day my friend gave me earache for standing the bloke up. “But he stood me up! There was a short blond skinny bloke there but he didn’t match what you said about him!”.
Friend the pokes about in her bag, fishes out a photo of her and other people, she points one out. “That’s him” she says.
It was indeed the short skinny blond bloke.
I replied “he’s nothing like you described, but he is” and pointed out another bloke in the photo.
She’d given me a description of her own boyfriend!
My first and only blind date.

There was the guy who I'd arranged to meet outside a pub. We met and starting walking off together when someone came out the pub and my date turned on his heel, ran over, gave him a massive hug like 'dude! What's up man!' had a chat for about 15 mins while I stood there like a tit. 'Sorry about that, my mate over there just got out of prison for stabbing someone, haven't seen him in time' he explained. Ohhhhkay! Sat on the actual date, he spoke endlessly about how he was the best at this, the best at that, yadda yadda. Didn't draw a breath. Didn't ask any questions. Continued his monologue with how cool thrift stores are. How he 'curates his wardrobe with outfits he's handpicked to give him the retro, unique look currently sat in front of you' (maybe not the exact wording but equally wanky). Made a really big deal of his jacket being this specific brand. He nipped to the loo. I glanced at the jacket he's left on the chair. The label stated 'Primark'. WHY.

Nothing as awful as that (I think I would have made up sone excuse and left in your shows), but I had a blind date with a guy, perfectly fine looking, but we had fundamental differences about what was important in life and value systems. We basically disagreed all evening about just about everything. I was thinking in my head 'well there'll be no awkwardness at the end as we are so obviously unsuited'. Then he asked if I'd like to meet again - I think my jaw literally dropped to the floor as he laughed and said 'guess not'! I think he took the evening as interesting and challenging to have quite strong opposing opinions but i though this is hardly any basis for a relationship.
I had a friend who was, say a size 18, and quite attractive face. She only had a headshot in her profile. One date she got out of the car and the guy waiting for her took one look and said 'this isn't going to work out sorry' and left. Another she met in the pub and after 20 minutes said he'd left his phone in his car and went out to get it and never came back.
I did meet a guy who looked absolutely nothing like his picture. As he resembled a movie star crush I had in his pic I was so disappointed and ashamed to say I was put off immediately. We had our coffee but there was no point going further.
Another guy and we had a wonderful first date. Funny, attractive, felt really good afterwards. Then next date it was like he had a personality transplant. We ended up walking down the street arguing. That ended up fine though as I had planned on meeting another guy if this date didn't work out - so I did and reader I married him!

I'd been seeing a guy for 6 months and it was Valentine's Day. He invited me over for "dinner and a really big surprise!"

The surprise turned out to be a Valentine's card and he'd written "with love from" but insisted I understood it was "with love" but didn't mean "in love" cos he definitely wasn't in love with me.
He wanted me to know it had, and I quote, "physically pained" him to write love.

Dinner was him convincing me to drive him to KFC (I'm vegetarian and this was in the days before they had veggie options!)
where he treated me to a portion of beans and some chips and clearly felt he'd given me a very romantic day 🤣

Bumping this thread, love these.

Mine wasn’t a date, well I didn’t know it was!

I was in my early twenties and got a part time evening job in a pub. I served in the saloon bar and the only other person (guy in his thirties) worked the public bar. We got on fine, but rarely had the chance to chat.

He suggested we meet up outside of work, so we could actually have time to chat. I took this to mean exactly that.

He picked me up (I didn’t drive), went to a pub, chatted, all nice and friendly nothing flirtatious at all. We got in the car to go home and he leaned over to kiss/snog me. I politely pushed him away and said sorry but thought we were just friends. He said “is it because I’m married?”

Hed never mentioned being married, and I didn’t realise he thought it was a date. I gave in my notice the next day and never went back.

@dizzyupthegirl86

Cultural hotspot that is Cannock made me laugh ....never heard of it being referred to as that before haha 😂

I was in my early 20s. Guy picked me up and I very quickly realised he wasn't into me at all. He just wouldn't speak to me. Just simple yes or no answers. I switched to open questions and still got monosyllabic answers. No questions for me, like none! There were so many awkward silence. Oh the awkward silences. I thought sod it and just filled them all with absolutely inane chatter. I was talking for Britain.
He dropped me off. I was convinced I would never hear from him again. He actually asked for a second date. I never had a proper boyfriend and thought "fine, I will not be the one to chicken out. I'll keep going until he breaks it off".
It's been 20 years so far. 😁

That's fantastic, what a lovely and funny story! x

Well, it obviously got better. He is still very reserved and I can still talk for Britain. 🙂

Ha I’m trying not to be mean, but I couldn’t work out why he’d made me go all the way there, just for it to be a hungry horse. I could have gone to a more local one, there was literally nothing special about it. If it had a lovely outlook or was near something interesting, fine. But nope. Looked out over a car park.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Not OLD - Pre internet - but funny
First date, someone I knew a bit via work - insisted on picking me up from home.
First conversation -where's your TV?
turned out he'd played a dalek in Doctor Who & wanted to watch it.
I didn't have a TV; he left.

I went on a date and got a bit carried away with wine. Towards the end of the night, I went to the toilet and fell asleep for a bit.
My date got increasingly worried as time past and it got closer and closer to his last train home. He was about to ask if they could keep my handbag and things behind the bar, when I finally came back.
"Where have you been?!" He said and then asked if I'd been asleep.
"No, why do you ask?" I said.
He said "because your watch is imprinted on your forehead."

Met one bloke on OLD and agreed to a date. When he turned up he didn't look anything like his pic, wasn't driving the fancy car he said he drove ( he'd made quite a big deal about this car, which was unfortunately wasted on me because cars aren't My Thing), and was wearing pleather trousers. On a hot summer's evening.

We drove in our separate cars to some godawful pub where we were virtually the only customers. He then proceeded to talk at me for half an hour about how he hadn't worn his Rolex because he'd found that all women were gold diggers, hadn't driven his fancy car because all women were only interested in him for the money, that he liked to holiday in exotic places but didn't mention it upfront because...well you know.

I finished my drink and made my excuses and hurried off to my car. As I was driving home he rang and asked if I fancied meeting up in a lay by for some no-strings sex!

That was one of only two dates I ever went on from OLD. The second wasn't as bad but wore way too much aftershave and didn't know how to make conversation. That lasted half an hour before I texted my sister to make the emergency get-me-out-of-here phone call.

I'm 5'8". Was honest on my profile. Wore heels. Probably didn't like the look of me either 🤷🏻‍♀️

I always thought it was my height that put him off as I could see him as I walked towards him. His body language changed as I got closer.

You should listen to the podcast Bad Dates by Jameela Jamil, some corkers on there! 😂

We had to get the bus into town. But we couldn't get THAT bus because his bus pass couldn't be used on that service.
We'd agreed to split the bill before hand, and I didn't have cash on me so was going to get mine out afterwards.
We had pizza and drinks and then at the end he put his £20 on the table and sat and waited (this was easy 10 years ago when £20 could actually get you pizza and drinks!). He basically waited for the fucking £2 change instead of just leaving it for the lovely waitress. I told him to leave the £2 and take it out of my share. Stingy bustard haha. He was also quite into Ketamine and wanted to save all his money for his "gap yah".

Oh god another one I've thought of. He kept saying "fairy scruff" instead of "fair enough" then proceeded to tell me he ate dog in China.
I told him it was the fact he had eaten dog which put me off him (not a lie) but it was the saying "fairy scruff" first that instantly gave me the ick!!!!

My first ever date, I was 16 and had met this guy in a club who was gorgeous, we arranged a date and went to the cinema to see Cool Runnings (a long time ago 🤣).

After chatting for a bit I realised he was really dull and just not my cup of tea. Anyway after the film he took me to his house briefly because it was just round the corner from the cinema, and left me in the living room with his very creepy dad while he went to the toilet.

The room was covered in crosses all over the walls, it was very dark, and the dad started talking about how the lord would save me and asked me if I'd found jesus.

My date came back and walked me to the bus stop.

The next day he called me and I said I'm really sorry I don't think we have much in common and he said 'was it because of my dad' and I said no. I felt really sorry for him tbh.