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Original poster

BIL losing temper whilst staying for weekend

213 replies

Theeora · 03/06/2023 15:29

My sister has recently become engaged to a man I just don't like. I'll be honest.

I live with my parents as I am trying to get on the property ladder this summer. They live remotely in a nice but compact cottage.

This morning they were planning on going for a long walk but my sister asked to adjust plans for very warm weather which dog may not tolerate.

On the drive way I overheard them arguing, BIL said something to the effect of "well, I think the dog is underwalked". My sister told him "how dare you, say it again if you really believe that". BIL did. Ended up with him storming off to their bedroom and SLAMMING the door.

Just to note, our 7 yo is the best looked after dog in the UK. The lengths we go to to look after him are both ridiculous and indulgant. Sure, when BIL is here for the odd weekend the family dog gets walked at random times but never fails to get 2 walks (on top of everything else). BIL and sister often include the dog in walks so the rest of us just work the dog's schedule around that. Dog is also getting on in age so can't walk 10 miles consecutively. Needs to rest after strenuous activity. How dare he imply I'm basically abusing my beloved dog. We live in the Lake District.

Did he act inappropriately re door slamming. I was in kitchen making cookies for the pair and didn't know where to look. Reminds me of a traumatic childhood,lots of arguing between parents (mum and dad have mellowed with age).

Added to the list of red flags

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 03/06/2023 19:17

First you said you were in the kitchen, then you said you were in your bedroom while this happened. Which was it? Something doesn't feel right on this thread, and it's not your BIL.

Original poster
Theeora · 03/06/2023 19:25

So I heard the shouting whilst in the kitchen (making cookies). And then I went upstairs when the door was slammed.

There was this very awkward dance of ignoring when I was in the kitchen when BIL came in. Obvs I had heard everything and the awkwardness just hung in the room. Silence. Experienced this a 1000x as a kid, not knowing where to stand/where to look. And it felt like we were tripping over each other. I all of a sudden had NOTHING to do. So I went upstairs and that's when the door was slammed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theeora · 03/06/2023 19:31

BIL and sis were in front of garage (side you can't see) and parents would have been roughly where I was when pic was taken.

BIL losing temper whilst staying for weekend
OP posts:
Manichean · 03/06/2023 19:49

Man slamming a door in temper in someone else's home is fucking outrageous.

Kitcaterpillar · 03/06/2023 19:49

OP - do you think it might be time to stop waiting for the perfect time to move and, err, you know, be around some actual humans?

I have no idea if you're trolling and it's really solid stuff if you are. Pitched at the perfect level of potentially plausible but also batshit. But if you're not, it's time to return to the city and stop...this...

Original poster
Theeora · 03/06/2023 20:03

and stop...this..

😂

OP posts:
butterpuffed · 03/06/2023 20:03

The dog isn't very good at taking selfies .

Greensleeves · 03/06/2023 20:08

Tricky. My knee-jerk reaction is, I suspect, quite similar to yours - how pathetic for a grown man to have a temper tantrum in someone else's home, how unpardonably rude to pronounce on your care of your dog, and how foul for your sister to have to put up with his behaviour. I would WANT to tell him to grow up and acquire some manners, or leave and don't come back.

Unfortunately it isn't that simple when the boorish arse in question is engaged to your sister Sad, she will almost certainly need your closeness and support further down the line, so I would probably grind my teeth and tread water for now. If she tries to open a conversation about him, though, I would make sure she knew I was aware he has a bad temper and can be very rude and judgemental. She may want to talk about it.

WoolyAndYug · 03/06/2023 21:34

I have to admire I've really enjoyed this thread.

HerMammy · 03/06/2023 21:38

Bit hypocritical to live with parents to save money but say you had a traumatic childhood 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
Theeora · 03/06/2023 21:39

@HerMammy I saw my dad hit my mother. It was traumatic.

OP posts:
WoolyAndYug · 03/06/2023 21:40

Is the dog throwing up bile in any way coinciding with testing out his carbonara birthday cake?

HerMammy · 03/06/2023 21:40

And yet you live with them, I'm NC with my abusive parent.

LifeIsPainHighness · 03/06/2023 22:08

The digs at the OP’s lifestyle are fucking nasty, what is wrong with you people

I wanna see the dog now!

Original poster
Theeora · 03/06/2023 22:08

And yet you live with them, I'm NC with my abusive parent.

Yes, I do live with my parents. Is that OK with you?

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 03/06/2023 22:08

doubleoseven · 03/06/2023 15:40

Going against the grain, I think an adult shouting and slamming doors in someone else's house is out of order. Your Dsis must be so embarrassed. I wouldn't tolerate it in my home from my teen let alone another adult who should be able to control their anger.

I agree. If he shouts and slams doors when he's a guest in someone else's house, I dread to think what a bad tempered arse he is at home.

LifeIsPainHighness · 03/06/2023 22:14

OP have you spoken to your parents or sister about your concerns?

GoodChat · 04/06/2023 06:24

HerMammy · 03/06/2023 21:38

Bit hypocritical to live with parents to save money but say you had a traumatic childhood 🤷🏼‍♀️

Where's the hypocrisy?

FelisCatus0 · 04/06/2023 07:25

After reading all your posts I still don't get what business it is of BIL how much a dog that isn't even his is walked. By the way you worded the first post I assumed the dog was BIL and sister's. Then you said the dog is yours but you are choosing not to take him when you move. It seems like a mess, and the dog is just some house dog with no set owner.

Regardless, what your BIL said sounded innocuous and harmless. Saying a dog needs more walks is not insult on any possible planet. It makes no sense for you or your sister to be upset by such an innocuous comment. He does sound rude and aggressive, however the comment he made was perfectly harmless and fine.

FelisCatus0 · 04/06/2023 07:28

HerMammy · 03/06/2023 21:40

And yet you live with them, I'm NC with my abusive parent.

@HerMammy It seems like OP's parents have changed. Yours haven't. So you can't compare the two.

WandaWonder · 04/06/2023 07:33

Op are you practising an AI story?

icelolly12 · 04/06/2023 07:45

This thread is hilarious. "well mannered dog" 😂

Twiglets1 · 04/06/2023 07:53

Theeora · 03/06/2023 15:53

You seem over invested in the dog’s life

Very true. Maybe this is a bad time to admit I am testing a couple of recipes for the dog's birthday.

Saving up so I can buy in London. Living a very quiet/boring life, can't deny it.

Haha, it's a good time to lighten the mood of this thread by mentioning the recipe testing you are doing re the dog's Birthday.

I agree it's a bit much to slam a door in someone else's house after a minor row . He sounds petulant (red flag).

Thepleasureofyourcompany · 04/06/2023 07:59

WandaWonder · 04/06/2023 07:33

Op are you practising an AI story?

Yeah this thread is beyond odd.

Mariposista · 04/06/2023 08:09

doubleoseven · 03/06/2023 15:40

Going against the grain, I think an adult shouting and slamming doors in someone else's house is out of order. Your Dsis must be so embarrassed. I wouldn't tolerate it in my home from my teen let alone another adult who should be able to control their anger.

Totally agree with this. In someone else’s house you rein in your temper and disgusting tendencies.