BIL losing temper whilst staying for weekend

[Theeora]

My sister has recently become engaged to a man I just don't like. I'll be honest.

I live with my parents as I am trying to get on the property ladder this summer. They live remotely in a nice but compact cottage.

This morning they were planning on going for a long walk but my sister asked to adjust plans for very warm weather which dog may not tolerate.

On the drive way I overheard them arguing, BIL said something to the effect of "well, I think the dog is underwalked". My sister told him "how dare you, say it again if you really believe that". BIL did. Ended up with him storming off to their bedroom and SLAMMING the door.

Just to note, our 7 yo is the best looked after dog in the UK. The lengths we go to to look after him are both ridiculous and indulgant. Sure, when BIL is here for the odd weekend the family dog gets walked at random times but never fails to get 2 walks (on top of everything else). BIL and sister often include the dog in walks so the rest of us just work the dog's schedule around that. Dog is also getting on in age so can't walk 10 miles consecutively. Needs to rest after strenuous activity. How dare he imply I'm basically abusing my beloved dog. We live in the Lake District.

Did he act inappropriately re door slamming. I was in kitchen making cookies for the pair and didn't know where to look. Reminds me of a traumatic childhood,lots of arguing between parents (mum and dad have mellowed with age).

Added to the list of red flags

They were having a bicker. I doubt the dog was really an issue

In what way has he acted inappropriately to you? I thought this was about the dog. Your sister goaded him then told him “how dare you…” Both are goading. How dare you is incredibly patronising.

No such thing as being over invested in a dogs life :-D

Was your dad the only bread winner in the house?

Initially, yes, but mum ended up doing more in the end.

YABU

Me and husband have fights like that all the time. 2 comments and a slammed door later, and that's the end of it. Sometimes, people need to let off steam.

I am sure you are an excellent dog owner. I'm pretty sure in my next life I would want to come back as your dog. A silly comment is nothing to get worked up over, though.

Good luck saving for the mortgage. That's not easy.

@GoTeamTired it's because a tree has come down, blocking the only route to the vairy rural veterinary surgery, there's also been a power cut, so every has to be done by romantic fire/candle/aga light..

That old chestnut

I love this 🤣

And OP’s sister falls in love with the vet’s younger brother and leaves dog squashing BIL

BIL is still in room and it's just putting a weird vibe out. Very reminiscent of my childhood. The eggshell feeling actually makes me queasy. But maybe that's the baking!

@LifeIsPainHighness if only. Already steeling myself for Hinge dates when I'm back in London. Profile is ready to go live (2/6 pics include the dog of course).

Your sister sounds very difficult and confrontational to me. Boyfriend expressed concern dog is not getting walked enough and her immediate response is “ how dare you” and challenges him to say again!!! Wtf seriously,is she 12? She could have calmly stated how often and when dog is usually walked. How on earth is she going to deal with the difficult issues in a marriage if this is her response to something so benign that she does not want to hear.
No he should not be slamming doors in someone else’s house,but I can understand how he’d feel driven to it,plus she’s already set the bar in regards to what level of maturity is acceptable in the house and he is no doubt very aware of how much you dislike him. It’s also rude to be so hostile to a guest in your home,have you thought about making an effort to actually make him feel welcome,who knows it may make his behaviour more congenial.
As for a 7 year old dog getting on,7 is young, unless the dog has serious health issues a long walk with water provided ( unless very hot) should not be an issue.
Yes I do have dogs ,two atm and have had for over thirty years, 7 in total. And at 7 years old my previous dogs were easily up to a 3 hour walk and one even went jogging with me.

Mumsnet is surreal.

you could always do some house work on weekends too Op

Why are you assuming I don't? Sadly having so much time on my hands has made me extremely house proud. I need to uninstall pinterest

Okay but BIL saying the dog doesn't get walked enough is objectively ridiculous.

I literally went for a 10 mile walk yesterday which is not uncommon and a bog standard weekend activity.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

7 is sadly getting on for my boy's breed. He's fit, vet said he had a lovely low heart rate but you can tell the long walks take it out of him and he needs a day of just walking around the village (still an hour mind you) to recover.

BIL said something to the effect of "well, I think the dog is underwalked". My sister told him "how dare you, say it again if you really believe that". BIL did. Ended up with him storming off to their bedroom and SLAMMING the door.

Your sis sounds controlling. The way she dared him to say the dog is under walked again is confrontational, I don’t blame BIL for storming off.

It sounds petty and both overreacted.

But overall, I really don't think a slammed door is a red flag. It's a common sign of anger which is a very normal human expression.

If he had sworn at or insulted her, hit her or hit something, then yes. But slamming a door, while not ideal, is hardly a red flag.

Would you sister tell you if her relationship wasn't good?

I think your sister overreacted.

Wish I hadn't mentioned the pup! Totally derailed things. I won't dispute the fact that my life is ridiculous.

I literally have 3 friends up here and none are particularly social. Often on my own so hence the dog obsession.

Okay but slamming doors for us is just not acceptable. I mean I saw MUCH worse growing up but its just not the done thing in our home these days.

I grew up in a household where my parents argues, shouted and sulked all the time. It definitely coloured my view of what a “normal” relationship should look like. It took, my now, husband to ask me if I thought being aggressive (verbally) was acceptable for me to re-assess what is okay. If your sister is quite young and still living at home she may not realise that his behaviour is unacceptable because it mirrors that of her own parents (and yours). I agree, if he does this in public what is he, or will he be like, in time, in private?

sorry, your parents I mean, not your behaviour 🥴

You witnessed a minor tiff. Nothing more IMO

I don't think your family dog is any of his business. Of course if the dog was being abused or neglected is a different story, but that isn't the case here.

Dogs can also be over-walkes. Your BIL is a wanker