BIL losing temper whilst staying for weekend

[Theeora]

My sister has recently become engaged to a man I just don't like. I'll be honest.

I live with my parents as I am trying to get on the property ladder this summer. They live remotely in a nice but compact cottage.

This morning they were planning on going for a long walk but my sister asked to adjust plans for very warm weather which dog may not tolerate.

On the drive way I overheard them arguing, BIL said something to the effect of "well, I think the dog is underwalked". My sister told him "how dare you, say it again if you really believe that". BIL did. Ended up with him storming off to their bedroom and SLAMMING the door.

Just to note, our 7 yo is the best looked after dog in the UK. The lengths we go to to look after him are both ridiculous and indulgant. Sure, when BIL is here for the odd weekend the family dog gets walked at random times but never fails to get 2 walks (on top of everything else). BIL and sister often include the dog in walks so the rest of us just work the dog's schedule around that. Dog is also getting on in age so can't walk 10 miles consecutively. Needs to rest after strenuous activity. How dare he imply I'm basically abusing my beloved dog. We live in the Lake District.

Did he act inappropriately re door slamming. I was in kitchen making cookies for the pair and didn't know where to look. Reminds me of a traumatic childhood,lots of arguing between parents (mum and dad have mellowed with age).

Added to the list of red flags

Agreed.

What's he like in private if he is uncouth enough to argue while a guest in someone's home?

Are you really ‘testing recipes’ for a dog’s birthday??? How bizarre

He SLAMMED a door. Oh my goodness. Probably a serial killer in BIL clothing. Really, you need to develop a sense of proportion, and from the sound of things, so does your sister.

I think your life sounds idyllic tbf but that’s personal taste. I wish I had time to bake for the dog!!

I’m intrigued by the recipe testing - is it to test if something is bake-able or are you tasting it and deciding which treat to go with?

That's really bloody rude of him and slamming doors in his in laws house is dreadful behaviour.

He sounds horrible.

Personally I don't piss about around fools. Tell him not to slam your doors simples

Sounds like a bit of a prick. I don't think DH and I have ever had a storming off and slamming doors argument in our own house, let alone someone else's! Not to say we don't argue, we do from time to time, but generally not like teenagers.

Why are you all so defensive about the dog, it's weird. He shouldn't have slammed the door, but clearly it hadn't been made evident to him that the dog was not to be spoken of except in hushed and adoring terms. He'll learn.

@Theeora

yes that is strange op

are you nearly ready to buy your own place so that you can develop more of a social life?

@GCalltheway

it sounds boring more like!

You've massively personalised the comment. He obviously wanted to take the dog for a walk. He felt the dog was underwalked- by him. Or something. It's their tiff. Think no more of it.

Also the recipe testing thing, how do you test, do you eat yourself and imagine that you have the same taste as the dog, or do you test on the dog, thus spoiling the surprise.

Maybe I've misunderstood - he said he thought the dog under-walked, and your sister replied "how dare you," as though he had insulted her personally, is that right? That's a super weird reaction to a fairly innocuous comment.

What on earth was your sisters response all about? ‘How dare you’ what, express an opinion?

If she’s like this constantly I can see how that could piss someone off.

This

@Soontobe60 Are you really ‘testing recipes’ for a dog’s birthday??? How bizarre

Yes! All i do up here is bake and walk. I'm making up a quiche/carbonara hybrid birthday cake. I literally spend 3 hours a day baking on the weekends.

Aiming to buy a 3 bed flat in Camden very soon. Plenty of fun weekend breaks/night outs to come. I'm late 20s, attractive have a good job and looking to get into my next relationship.

The boyfriend sounds rude slamming a door. It’s nice you have high standards, maybe higher than your sister has. I’ve been married for donkeys years and DH has never slammed a door, neither has 19 yr old DS or my brother. However I would butt out of your sisters choices. Not remotely worried about your dog!

What a weird thing to argue about and get invested in. Fuss about absolutely nothing.

Also the recipe testing thing, how do you test, do you eat yourself and imagine that you have the same taste as the dog, or do you test on the dog, thus spoiling the surprise.

haha! Dog is having the surprise ruined unfortunately.

You seem way over involved in their lives. Although door slamming is very rude indeed and would NOT be impressed if someone did that near me or at my home unless they are a literal toddler.

perhaps your bil knows your parents didn’t do a great job and gets stressed / defiant when near them? If I was around people who gave a loved one a traumatic childhood I think I would play out too as it’s really something I cannot stand.

also, if your childhood wasn’t great then for your own sake get out of there ! Please, spread your wings and enjoy your life and create healthy loving relationships or friendships out of that childhood circle.

it sounds boring more like!

Very boring for now.

Maybe you are a little defensive? It seems if anyone judges you,you do kind of go off on a tangent. I kind of feel for the bil who is marrying into your family!

@Theeora

you could always do some house work on weekends too Op

How are you going to cope without your dog OP? How often are you going to visit?