BIL losing temper whilst staying for weekend

[Theeora]

My sister has recently become engaged to a man I just don't like. I'll be honest.

I live with my parents as I am trying to get on the property ladder this summer. They live remotely in a nice but compact cottage.

This morning they were planning on going for a long walk but my sister asked to adjust plans for very warm weather which dog may not tolerate.

On the drive way I overheard them arguing, BIL said something to the effect of "well, I think the dog is underwalked". My sister told him "how dare you, say it again if you really believe that". BIL did. Ended up with him storming off to their bedroom and SLAMMING the door.

Just to note, our 7 yo is the best looked after dog in the UK. The lengths we go to to look after him are both ridiculous and indulgant. Sure, when BIL is here for the odd weekend the family dog gets walked at random times but never fails to get 2 walks (on top of everything else). BIL and sister often include the dog in walks so the rest of us just work the dog's schedule around that. Dog is also getting on in age so can't walk 10 miles consecutively. Needs to rest after strenuous activity. How dare he imply I'm basically abusing my beloved dog. We live in the Lake District.

Did he act inappropriately re door slamming. I was in kitchen making cookies for the pair and didn't know where to look. Reminds me of a traumatic childhood,lots of arguing between parents (mum and dad have mellowed with age).

Added to the list of red flags

I agree, if he does this in public what is he, or will he be like, in time, in private?

This is what I should have typed. They have the easiest life right now. Well paid jobs, nice flat, plenty of socialising etc. Sister tells me she often has nothing to do at work (in between projects) but is still able to bill her hours.

A nice morning, home cooked beeakfast in a beautiful part of the world and there is still aggression. Life is going to get so much harder. What then?

Oh wait forgot to mention something! Not sure if this changes things but I was on the upstairs landing (went to my room to hide pretty much) when BIL slammed the door.

Not like I was in living room, he saw me and still chose to be aggressive. Doesn't sit right at all.

It's a dog. Did you have windows open? Been a fair amount of door slamming in my house the last few days due to the draught of open windows/doors.......

Are you unusually triggered (for want of a better word) by male aggression? I only say because I am. I grew up in an all female household with one very mild mannered grandfather and one equally docile uncle. I find male irritation/ aggression absolutely intolerable. They are like big moody babies, slamming doors and shouting.
I find it absolutely mind blowing how many men out there are completely incapable of having a disagreement without shouting and acting aggressively. I would say his actions are aggressive. I don't know one abusive relationship which didn't start with slamming doors/ damaging property.
Hope your sister gets out

Is this the dog or the sister's boyfriend. I'm getting a bit confused.
And a job that pays enough for a 600k house and alows time and head space for 3 hours baking and testing recipes for dogs and stressing about dog walking routines - sounds like a great job. Where do we sign up.

"Just to note, our 7 yo is the best looked after dog in the UK"

I just want to know more about this , and how you got the honour of owning the best looked after dog in the UK ?

@porkpiesinthepark

Yes male aggression is intolerable to me.
Reminds me too much of my father who was not able to control his anger growing up. Partly why I have no idea why sister would subject herself to anything like this by choice.

how you got the honour of owning the best looked after dog in the UK ?

by having no life clearly!

I love how your sister demanded he say it again! I’ve only heard people say this when they have just heard someone say something truly shocking like ‘I wish we never had kids’ ‘I hate you’ or ‘I’m worried that I’m the reason she killed herself’. Not ‘I think your parents dog is under walked.’ Hilarious.

My dad and my uncle, the two main males in my childhood, were both non-aggressive, well mannered, docile people so, like you, I find any male aggression or tantrum/moody behaviour unacceptable. My ex was prone to tantrums and I found it a huge turn off (part of the reason we broke up - I grew to dislike him). I don’t like men who are bad tempered babies. I’m glad to say my own sons are not bad tempered (they take their temperaments after me not their dad thankfully).

This!

I live in Lake District too and the weather has been too hot to take dogs hiking. And how far a dog can walk/how many walks it can manage in a day depends a lot on breed and age.

Tbh, his comment about the dog being under walked would have pissed me off as well.

Is it not a completely reasonable suggestion that he may have just used more force than anticipated on a lighter door than he's used to?

I also live in the Lake District and just to add my two pennies, it's not as unusual as people think to comment on a dogs 'manners.' Dog walkers around here are quite jovial towards eachother. I also think it's good that you actually give a shit about a dog to bake for it. Mine have never have tinned meat as they prefer human grade meat and veg with high quality dog biscuits. Why shouldn't dogs/animals enjoy decent food/healthy treats 🤷

As for your sister and the BiL, it's on her to decide if he's a dickhead or not. Be there if you need to but this is maybe just their normal.

Get a grip OP, you’re way over invested. Be mildly irritated if you wish but no need to be panicking over ‘red flags’. Yes it is rude to slam doors in other peoples homes but he may not have realised it would slam. Their disagreement was a perfectly normal couples argument that you need to stay out of.

You all seem very fond of saying “how dare you” over quite minor things tbh. All sounds very wearing and overly dramatic.

It’s been hot here all week all windows open doesn’t take much for it to appear like someone’s slamming doors

Honestly OP your BIL just wanted to get away for a bit from his ILs and needed an excuse to get out for a few hours.

😂

Depends on the dog..? 7 yrs is hardly ''Getting on'' in years if a certain breed or type..
A Great Dane would not be able to manage 10 mile hilly walks at 7 , but a 7 yr old Lurcher {Collie input} is still young and well capable of 10 mile walks plus plus.

@Theeora If moving to London with a dog, choose areas like Richmond, East Sheen or Wimbledon {Or Hampstead} for the dog walking.

London otherwise is not great for dogs who are used to open spaces.

The argument was genuinely about the dog route though. BIL said something like "okay so we can go do x trail (alternative sis had suggested), be back in 4 hours and be bored shitless for the rest of the day".

He does sound rude..What would he rather be doing with his time?

Sadly I won't be able to bring him with me. Pup enjoys chilling out in his very large garden, dont blame him.

I want to say the big reason why i cant bring him but I'll be ridiculed even more haha!

Also don't take the daft comments about your dog owning abilities to heart. From some mumsnetters, if your dog doesn't sleep in a cardboard box outside in all weathers, you are being too soft and trying it like a child. Also, a lot of the mumsnetters who think they know it all about dogs have never owned one and it's clear what they do know could be written on the back of a postage stamp.

Sister does not exactly twist his arm to be here. He enjoys having a weekend place imo.

Some dogs do only live to about 9/10 or so depending on the breed