BIL losing temper whilst staying for weekend

[Theeora]

My sister has recently become engaged to a man I just don't like. I'll be honest.

I live with my parents as I am trying to get on the property ladder this summer. They live remotely in a nice but compact cottage.

This morning they were planning on going for a long walk but my sister asked to adjust plans for very warm weather which dog may not tolerate.

On the drive way I overheard them arguing, BIL said something to the effect of "well, I think the dog is underwalked". My sister told him "how dare you, say it again if you really believe that". BIL did. Ended up with him storming off to their bedroom and SLAMMING the door.

Just to note, our 7 yo is the best looked after dog in the UK. The lengths we go to to look after him are both ridiculous and indulgant. Sure, when BIL is here for the odd weekend the family dog gets walked at random times but never fails to get 2 walks (on top of everything else). BIL and sister often include the dog in walks so the rest of us just work the dog's schedule around that. Dog is also getting on in age so can't walk 10 miles consecutively. Needs to rest after strenuous activity. How dare he imply I'm basically abusing my beloved dog. We live in the Lake District.

Did he act inappropriately re door slamming. I was in kitchen making cookies for the pair and didn't know where to look. Reminds me of a traumatic childhood,lots of arguing between parents (mum and dad have mellowed with age).

Added to the list of red flags

You sound just the teeniest bit insane.

And you taking huge offense at his remark that he thinks dog is underwalked? A comment not even directed at you or about you?

You have a weird obsession with the dog. Your sister is immature and looking for drama “how dare you, say that again” in response to dog is under walked 😂

Her partner needs to leave the two you to bake special treats in the kitchen. Their conversation is none of your business anyway.

I think the response and your subsequent comments should raise a concern with anyone about his behaviour. It may be a one-off but I should not presume this, and I think you should have a conversation with your sister.

Oh I'm very insane when it comes to my dog. I have eyes!

The comment re walking hit a nerve as clearly my life undoubtedly revolves around my dog and the implication is that I'm negligent.

Oh and my dog threw up bile this morning at 6am (happens very occasionally). Didn't see him getting up to check on my boy and mop up. It was me.

I do think sis was just offended on my behalf as she knows my routines etc

I think this level of scrutiny and the list of “red flags” is very unhealthy on your part.

The argument was pretty trivial and they both seem as bad as each other but... most people are on their best behaviour at their ILs (or anyone else's home for that matter). It sounds like a fairly normal tiff if they were at home in private. I do think that it is a slight red flag that he is slamming doors and sulking in public. If this is him on his "best behaviour", what is he like in private?

He sounds awful. You don’t throw tantrums in other people’s homes regardless of what it is about.

Your dog on the other hand sounds like a very good boy.

I need to know.

Sorry OP did you expect a guest to clean up after your vomiting dog?

@LifeIsPainHighness no, not at all I'm just being petty.

I actually think it’s harder being a guest at ILs than going to your own family. There’s a bit of a power imbalance and it must be hard if someone picks at fight in their patch.

OTOH OP I think it’s very selfless to leave your dog in the Lakes when you move, it’s not easy to make that kind of choice. I hope you batch cook him his carbonara though, none of that Pedigree Chum muck

I set up a cream tea for my sis and bil when they arrived! And the scones were actually fluffy! Just a bit of a punch to the stomach when BIL made the underwalking comment. I wish I didn't care so much to make things nice.

I'm sorry let me get this straight

Your BIL said he thought your dog wasn't walked enough
so your dsis said 'how dare you' in response?

If so your dsis sounds like a massive drama queen and it's all a bit weird about the dog (and I say that as a dog owner to three dogs who I love)

@Arewehumanorarewecupboards thank you, he's lovely. A once in a lifetime dog!

Yummy!!

Honestly OP I imagine what he actually meant was that he wanted reason for time away and maybe your sister said he couldn’t take the dog out

Of course. It's your dog.

My mum's dog is the cutest dog, everyone comments on him, we could rehome him a hundred times over. But he doesn't get enough walks. Mum has dementia so she can't bear for him to be out of her sight for long. But he's still all those gorgeous things. Being walked and being gorgeous aren't cause and effect.

I honestly think you're getting this all out of proportion. (I think you know that too.) I do get that you feel personally slighted that that he's saying you don't walk the dog enough. But you, the family and your sister know it's not true, so why does the opinion of someone you don't even like matter?

There is one other incident with BIL that happened a couple of weeks ago which I think would make people question his character but it's way too specific and therefore identifying (also the reason I've refrained from showing the birthday cake prototype which will be on my insta next Weds).

TMI!

A touch blunt but I can’t see a problem with that sounds as if that would be the case

tbh you clearly don’t like him so anything he says does you’ll put a negative spin on

Definitely out of order to be shouting and slamming doors - in their own house or yours. On the other hand, saying “how dare you” can also be quite a rude thing to say, depending on how it is said.

I can’t comment on the actual situation re the dog but I don’t think it really matters who was right re the dog.

Over all, he doesn’t sound great

Honestly OP I don’t think there are 2 of you who live in the Lakes and have a sister with this exact conversation.

I have maybe changed my mind a bit in that he slammed the door knowing you were watching. That shows a lack of giving a shit about the people whose home he’s staying in.

@kingtamponthefurred haha is it tmi to share that he hit his target (the door mat) as always - pretty much the only non hard floor in the house!

Luckily this is a once every 2 months level of occurrence event.

A touch blunt but I can’t see a problem with that sounds as if that would be the case

nothing wrong with what he said, life is very slow here. Just that some posters have suggested BIL prob didn't really care about the route being altered. Not true imo.

This lol just stick a crown on it call the dog king whatever and get over it 🤣